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The Philo Papers
Topic Started: Apr 3 2014, 08:13 PM (228 Views)
Cosima Niehaus
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The Funnest Player Ever
{Episode 1}


I am Philo T. Farnsworth, the inventor of the television. Thank you for being loyal fans of my creation.

The television holds a special place in cultures all across the world. On the flat screen, we are able to express the complexities of human experience--our humor, our sorrows, our dreams. What is shown on a television can never be true, and yet it resonates soundly with the incommunicable parts of the human experience.

But we have peverted that ideal, haven't we? We've forgone our ability to ping pain, to tug heartstrings, and to make our audiences breathless, all to cater to a pop culture that wants to be ignorant and coddled with explosions and sex. You are guilty. All of you are guilty. And this will be your punishment.

16 characters are here. 16 criminals who have devalued my invention. 15 are to die for your sins. The one who wins will have proven themselves to be separate from the trash that most of you are, and will stand alongside me in my quest to purify television.

I have chosen two people to conduct this experiment with me. They stand before you now: Cosima Niehaus and Gauis Baltar. Cosima and Gauis exist to enforce my mandates.

Now, before we begin this game, I believe there is something that I must show you and my dear accomplices. Do you know this face, lying at my feet with his head in the guillotine? This is Petyr Baelish. He was a smart man, a very clever man. Alas, he was not as clever as he thought, and rather than standing at the frontier of a noble mission, he chose instead to conspire against me. Regrettably, that must be the last mistake I allow him to make.

Posted Image

Leave now. Return in 1 hour, when your first challenge will commence. Cosima and Gauis, say goodbye to your friend. Or don't. I really don't care.


Posted Image
Petyr Baelish has left the game.





{Episode 2}

Welcome back players. Surely you are wondering why Baelish had to go. It was quite simple really. He had the gall to try to convince Cosima and Gaius to join him in overthrowing me. Yes, me of all of people. I can not have that in this game. I am working for a greater good. I must purify this world which my creation has assisted in its corruption. It was never meant for such heinous acts. Those who further that lack of morality must be punished. And all those who defy me, will be smitten down.
Such a shame about Petyr. His mutiny twist was quite clever. He was ever the sharp thinker. I approve of the twist so it will stay as his one and only legacy. But know this, your fate will be the same as his should you attempt to cross me. I would not do that if I were you.

hal edit:

X has left the game

Baelish left us because I cannot tolerate treachery. He had the gall to try to convince Cosima and Gaius to join him in overthrowing me, for an unfathomable reason. For such a sharp thinker, it surprised me that he didn't see the greater good we were working towards. I must purify this world in which my creation has assisted in its own corruption. It was never meant for such heinous acts. Those who further that lack of morality must be punished. And all those who defy me, will be smitten down.

Such a shame about Petyr. His mutiny twist was quite clever. I approve of the twist, so it will stay as his one and only legacy. But know this: your fate will be the same as his should you attempt to cross me. I would not do that if I were you.

Challenge 2 beings at X
Edited by Cosima Niehaus, Mar 7 2015, 07:32 PM.
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Cosima Niehaus
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The Funnest Player Ever
{Episode 3}

These people know not of their purpose. They think they are just here to play some game. That this is just some television show. That it's only purpose is to entertain the masses. They are wrong, just like the rest of the world. Things are not always what they look like. This is being broadcast as a television show, but it so much more than that. I do not like what this world has become and it needs to change. But none can know of what this truly is. Any who would try to alert the world of what this is, will be dealt with permanently.

haledit:
On th elast episode of Survivor: Season Finale,


Your challenge hosts know not of their purpose. They really do think that this is only a television show, a form of entertainment, a game. They are wrong, just like the rest of the world. Things are not always what they seem. This is being broadcast as a television show, but it so much more than that. This--this is a revolution, my children. A revolution into an era of culture and thought! But bold acts are always detested until the ramifications of their success are beheld...and so no-one must know of this show's true purpose. Any who would try to alert the world of what this is, will be dealt with permanently.

Your next challenge starts
Edited by Philo T Farnsworth, Apr 4 2014, 03:30 PM.
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Cosima Niehaus
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{Episode 4}

I am so disappointed. I had such hopes for this experiment. These players were supposed to be so much more than they turned out to be. Their confessionals are filled with such drivel. It's sickening. I will not be returning there again. I refuse to subject myself to such perversions. How could it have come to this? How could my creation have led to creatures such as these? I shall adjourn for a time. I doubt matters will improve, but I must collect myself before returning to continue my work. I leave you in the most capable hands of Dr. Baltar and Ms. Niehaus.
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Cosima Niehaus
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The Funnest Player Ever
{Episode 5}

It would seem our good Mr. Farnsworth has left us for a time. You must forgive him. He means well. His creation is like one of his children. Fathers reprimand their children when they need correction in their behaviour. That is truly all he is doing. His intentions are pure, and I support him in this. Parents can be strict on occasion but they still love their children and want the best for them.
No, that's wrong. What am I saying? That is far from what is going on. Don't make any rash moves or you'll get yourself killed. We're all trapped here. We must make the best of it. Do what he tells you and nothing will harm you. Understand?
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Cosima Niehaus
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The Funnest Player Ever
{Episode 6}

I have returned. I hope I wasn't missed too sorely. I trust Baltar took care of all business as befits one of his rank.
Cosima has been trying to convince me I misjudged your confessionals. She has been saying you have good character. Good character? What does she know of good character? She's just another pawn in this game. She will be severely punished for speaking on your behalf.
You have no good in you. You have no character. You are just petty squabbling creatures. Creatures who need to be taught a lesson. That need to be punished for what they have caused. If it hadn't been for you, this world would not be the cesspool of iniquity it has become. If you had done your job correctly, this never would have happened. Your job was only to better people. Not bring out their basest desires and glorify them as correct actions.
Character she says. Pah.
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Cosima Niehaus
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The Funnest Player Ever
{Episode 7}

Cosima, Gaius, we must talk.

I have decided to tell you what we are doing here. You have served me well enough, it is time you knew. You see this challenge that we are presenting next, yes? It has a much grander purpose that it appears. The winner will help us. They will help us weed out these weak, despicable television characters. They will tell us of their deeds, and in return we will spare them. All we need is a few more like-minded individuals. It is simply a matter of time before all come to our cause. Willingly or not, that is their choice. But we will cleanse this world. We will make it what it was meant to be. A world of good and light and happiness. A world where no one feels pain. Where no one is forgotten. Where all things that are good are pushed forward. We will rid ourselves of the despair and destruction that has gone on far too long. We will make the world a better place. That's what we're doing here. We are purifying and saving all. Isn't that worth fighting for?
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Cosima Niehaus
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The Funnest Player Ever
{Episode 8}

Would you look at that, we have finally made merge. Has it really been that long? It seems like only yesterday we started this journey.
I was going through the pictures of your fallen comrades. They had such potential. But then, things changed. And they became such disappointments. Don't do that my children. Don't join their ranks. Be all that you can be. Always remember I care for you. I care for all in this world. I'm doing this for you. I'm saving this world for you. That's what a father does for his children. He makes the world the best place he can possibly create for them. I must do the same.
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Cosima Niehaus
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{Episode 9}

No, this can't be. It can't be time already. I refuse to let it be! I don't want to be in this world. Get me out!! It's an awful place a dirty place, why am I here? No. I don't want to be. This is not how this should be! Everything is wrong! IT'S WRONG!!!!
Everything is so changed. I can't have that. No I can't I can't I can't! There is so much evil everywhere. Does no one have any sense of decency anymore? Does no one have any sense of morality? All this sex and violence and drugs and alcohol abuse and murder and crime and, oh heavens, it's too much! How did it come to this? Why?!?! This is not right. It's not. I refuse to let this happen. I can't. Why? I'm not supposed to be out in this world. I'm supposed to be here in my place in this niche of television. Secreted away. No one knowing I'm here. Oh please, I want to go back. Take me out of here. I will give anything to escape this hellish world! ANYTHING! Do you hear me? Whatever greater power that is listening, take me away. Help me cleanse this world. Help me find my place again.
Egads, I am unable to deal with this. Why? Why? whywhywhy.
There isn't any greater power listening to me right now is there? Then I must be that greater power. That's it! That's my true calling. I am to be the god of this world. To wreak my vengeance on those who do wrong and cross me, and to pass judgement on all. Yes. This is what I was preordained to do. I can see it now. How did I miss it before? This is so much bigger than I had originally thought.
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Cosima Niehaus
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{An Apology}

Oh my players, it's me again. I am so sorry. I'm not sure Philo is feeling all that well. I will try to make sure that you all are safe. He does mean well. He has the best intentions. Perhaps he needs a bit more restraint and guidance. I will try my best. Would you help me? Would you help make it easier for him?
I think between all of us we will be able to put his mind at ease.
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Cosima Niehaus
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The Funnest Player Ever
{Episode 10}

I am tired of repeating myself. I shouldn't have to tell you the same thing day in and day out. Gaius, front and center if you would.

You called Mr. Farnsworth?

...I beg your pardon. What did you say? Surely I misheard you.

I....I apologize. Mr. Farnsworth for whatever I've done to insu--

You addressed me as Mr. Farnsworth. Am I not Lord Farnsworth? Am I not your superior?

Yes, sir, you are. Yes. Lord Farnsworth, I apolo---

Is this how mutiny begins, Gaius Baltar? Are you intending to follow in the footsteps of Littlefinger? You remember him surely, your dear old friend. Is this how you intend to repay my kindness to you? Tell me, Baltar, did you intend to merely usurp my power, or to kill me altogether?

No! Never, milord. I would nev---

You will be executed! For your treachery! For betraying my trust! You sided with the darkness and for that you must pay!

Mercy, Lord Farnsworth! I beg of you!

Gaius. Oh pitiful Gaius. Do not forget your place. You are an ant. You are a flea on this ant. You are a speck of dust on that flea. You are nothing! Do not toy with me ever again! Return to your duties, or I will kill you.
Ah survivors, I have not forgotten about you. I am merciful if needs be. Never forget that.
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Cosima Niehaus
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{Challenge 11}

Hello. It's me again. Philo was right, I'm done serving him. He has snapped. I can't trust your safety to him any more. I've sabotaged his equipment. He won't be able to fix it before challenge time. Keep watch on the challenge forum, I will be running this challenge for you. Maybe we can defeat him here and now. Will you help me? Together we can save everyone.
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Cosima Niehaus
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The Funnest Player Ever
{Episode 11}

I seem to be having some technical difficulties. And I can't find Cosima or Gaius anywhere. I'm afraid that the challenge will have to be delayed until either I find one of them, or I can fix this equipment. Even though they are utterly despicable places filled with the garbage you all call thoughts, you may return to your confessionals for now.
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Philo T Farnsworth
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{Gaius}

You pathetic fool. Did you really think you could away with this? Did you really think I wouldn't know immediately what was going on the moment my equipment was sabotaged? I am omniscient you pitiful worm. Your coup did not work. I let you run your ridiculous challenge because you would fail. No one has the authority to challenge me. Least of all you.
I told you what would happen should you ever betray me. You brought this upon yourself. I have no other recourse. You must die for your crimes. You could have done so much good, but you had to give it up for these vermin. Vermin just like you.
God's will be done. And I am a god, so my will is the one that matters here.

Philo T Farnsworth twists the top of his cane. It comes apart to reveal that the handle is a small pistol. He shoots Gaius in the head.
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Cosima Niehaus
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The Funnest Player Ever
{Episode 12}

He thought I wouldn't go into the confessionals? How utterly pathetic. I go wherever I please, whenever I please. I told you all to go to your confessionals because I knew he'd think I was so repulsed I would never venture there. What kind of god would I be if I refused to see the depravity in the world? If I refused to know of all things? That's what being a god is. Knowing all and seeing all.
I still have Cosima. She has not failed me yet. She has stayed faithful and uncomplaining. I made a fantastic choice in sparing her. Even though she has pity for you all, she still stays by my side. I am grateful for some loyalty after that disgusting display.
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Cosima Niehaus
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The Funnest Player Ever
{Episode 13}

Hey guys. Philo is busy getting the final challenge ready and I'm the only other one left. So I guess I'm going to be explaining to you how this twist works out. There's no challenge this round. Instead this is where the results from the Innocent Chore come into play. Player you are the only person deciding who makes it to the Final Three and who doesn't. Your spot is guaranteed. So players, I would suggest you talk to them and plead your case. As per usual with TCs, this will last 24 hours. Immediately following that, the final challenge details will be given out. I wish you guys luck. You're gonna need it.
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