| L' Voiry D' Vanmoriel | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 20 2007, 10:20 PM (237 Views) | |
| +Linden | Dec 20 2007, 10:20 PM Post #1 |
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awesomesauce
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First off, please don't think you have to read this. In fact, I'd advise you not too (I didn't know how to use commas back then *ahem*). The only reason I did post it is because I suffer from heavy nostalgia. :dead: Okay, so I was reminded about this when I read DS's history of Evin. What I've posted is a part of the childhood I wrote for a female drow character I played when I was a puny 13 year old. Her name is Vanmoriel, and despite my rant in the next paragraph, she's one of my favorite characters still. There's a lot of things wrong with it. (this was before I read R.A. Salvatore's Dark Elf Trilogy) Horrible inaccuracies with Drow culture and even the names are totally wrong (Its Elven and not Drow, but who would know?). But, despite it all, I'll keep it the way I wrote it - grammar mistakes and all. I'm going to post it exactly as I had it back then and you guys can laugh at me. XD I'm laughing. I was such a cute kid. Character list Vanmoriel – of course. It’s her history that no one will read. Pappy – (stupid name) Vanmoriel’s great uncle and brother of Anathamar. Ryven – Twin brother to Melda, and older brother to Vanmoriel. Melda – Twin sister to Rvyen, and older sister to Vanmoriel. Gormir – Eldest brother in the household Cassini – Fiancée to Gormir Nanny – Vanmoriel’s nanny Mother and Father – self-explanatory |
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| +Linden | Dec 20 2007, 10:24 PM Post #2 |
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awesomesauce
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Chapter one: Discovery You walk into a dusty dirt room. Tables align the musty stonewalls with a thin sheet of moth-eaten cloth over each table to preserve the tables and chairs. As you look a round the room a thin layer of dust flies up with each step telling you this room has been unoccupied for years and years. Finally you come to the last table that is the furthest away from the door in which you came from. Seeing a rectangle underneath the moth-eaten cloth you decide to pick it up out of curiosity. A cloud of dust flies up out of the cloth and off of the table making it hard to see for a few minuets. The dust finally settles and a book is visible now with a dark crimson cover and a black leather spine. The edges of the book are lined with gold protecting the corners from bending. The book is not locked or anything, it seems as if it was waiting for someone to read it. More curios then you where before you entered this room, you open the book and the spine creaks slightly. The first page is crisp and fresh, as if it was new. Quickly you flip though the pages, all of them are crisp just like the first page. Interested, you turn back to the first page and find a ripped piece of paper that wasn’t there before. In a messy and hurried script it reads: "Jinique d' Vanmoriel Berialagoswen. Szeoussen lu' mzild ulnar wund nindol voiry." You stare blankly at the message, a few seconds later the words fade away and are replaced with something more readable. It now reads: "Property of Vanmoriel Berialagoswen. Secrets and more lies within this book." You turn the page…. |
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| +Linden | Dec 20 2007, 10:25 PM Post #3 |
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awesomesauce
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Chapter two: The Journal Born to a large family, Vanmoriel Berialagoswen was always admired and adored by her parents after a profit told them she would achieve great things. The Berialagoswen family expected no less from any member of their family to not do well in life, but they expected more from Vanmoriel then anyone. Most of her family members achieved high ranks as outstanding officers or Nobles of the Drow Court. The Berialagoswen family had always been a very distinguished set of Drows. *~*~* “Pappy!!!” A child-like voice yelled in playful terror from the corridor. A very young Vanmoriel ran up towards a grown Drow and hugged his leg tightly with her wooden sword in her hand. “They’re coming!!! Help!!!” Vanmoriel said looking up at the Drow with wide and pleading eyes. “Ryven and Melda are after me!” The young Drow looked behind her sure enough two other young Drows where running down the corridor pointing at Vanmoriel. “What? Are the twins after you again? What did you do this time?” The wise old Drow said peering down at Vanmoriel, his great niece. “Nothing, Pappy! Honest.” She lied, remembering she had attacked Melda with the wooden sword, and Ryven, Melda’s twin brother, was soon to follow as Vanmoriel tried to attack him one to many times. “Really…Well, you’ll just have to come with me then.” He humored her with a warm and pleasant chuckle. Her uncle picked her up and walked off into the next room, which was a massive library. Vanmoriel had passed this room dozens of thousands of times, but never was interested to take a moment to explore the room. “Why are we in here?” She asked with an unpleasurable tone and a scowl on her face, she never liked libraries as books never moved or did anything but stay on a shelf. “Well, you wanted to get away from your siblings, did you not? Now you are away from the two, safe in my library.” He said sitting down on a large armchair with Vanmoriel on the armrest looking at her great uncle. The Drow gave a deep sigh and looked at the ceiling wondering what to talk about. There was a few seconds of silence as her uncle was in thought as she looked around the walls of books. “Ah…Have you heard anything about your grandfather?” Her uncle asked turning his sharp gaze to meet Vanmoriel’s trademark dark green eyes. “No, Sir. Not much. Mother says he died as a part of the underdark collapsed.” Her uncle looked at her with a raised eyebrow, “Well, Layla has always been a very ignorant Drow, Vanmoriel. She never once really wondered, or cared, about her father much…Your Grandfather, my older brother, was an offbeat Drow. He didn’t really care what others thought. Brave and adventurous, he was. Fought dragons, your grandfather.” Vanmoriel looked at him stunned, what she had been told by her mother was a lie. She was actually related to someone who ventured out of the underdark. She knew of no one who’d do such a thing. Her uncle called him brave and adventurous, the thought that came to her mind was insane. Her uncle stood up out of the armchair and Vanmoriel took his place at the chance, “Tell me more, please.” She asked interested about her grandfather. A knock came at the door. “Not today, Vannie.” He said walking over to one of the walls of books and took out a brown velvet book with a small gold lock on it, he set it on the lamp table next to the armchair, hoping Vanmoriel would pick the book up. “We have a visitor.” Curiously, and as planned by her uncle, the young Drow lifted the book up with some trouble. Her uncle lifted the book up with ease making it seem easy, but the book was at least a hundred pounds to Vanmoriel at this young age. The book ended up falling into her lap and the lock jingled against the pages making Vanmoriel notice the lock. Her hope to finding what this book was looked dismal. She traced her fingers over the keyhole of the lock while her uncle answered the library door. A few seconds later the door shut and her uncle came back grinning at Vanmoriel. “Do you know what this book is?” He asked her, “It’s your grandfather’s journal…He wished for me to keep his belongings for him when he died. Now, I think you should read it…It might help you.” The Drow knelt down and with a wave of his hand over the closed book, over Vanmoriel’s lap, the lock undid its self and fell off. Vanmoriel looked stunned, she never knew her uncle was a mage. “Now, you must go young one…I think I hear Layla calling you for dinner.” He said smiling as Vanmoriel obeyed and hugged the book on her way out of the library with her wooden sword still clutched in her hand…. |
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| +Linden | Dec 20 2007, 10:27 PM Post #4 |
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awesomesauce
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Chapter three: Anathamar, the Forgotten One Safely home and in her bedchamber, Vanmoriel slid the brown velvet journal underneath her bed. If her mother was as ignorant as her uncle had said, she dare not read her grandfather’s journal in the open with a risk of someone checking up on her and asking what she was doing. She would read the book at night instead, when everyone was resting. At night seemed like the best time for this mater. “Child, your mother beckons you to dinner.” A voice sounded from Vanmoriel’s doorway. The young Drow looked up from underneath her bed to see her nanny, an old elderly woman, who she admired greatly. “Yes, Madam.” Vanmoriel replied in a soft voice. “Right away.” The young Drow girl stood up off the ground and dusted out her rich dark black dress and her curly brown hair. Her mother would fuss at her nanny for keeping her in a dusty state if she went to her mother covered in dirt. Vanmoriel exited the room taking the wooden sword off her bed with one last glance at bed, reassuring her self that what lay under it was still there. At the table, her mother, father, the twins, her oldest brother and his fiancée(A wealthy Drow woman with an equal status of the Berialagoswens. There was no better match for both sides of the family, both sides where extremely pleased with the engagement.), and her uncle from earlier today. Vanmoriel joined them, regretfully sitting next to Ryven. With a heavy sigh the first platter was served, a verity of meat was spread out for all of them. Vanmoriel hoped it wasn’t going to be an eight coarse meal, she didn’t think she could stand the anxiety of sitting for four hours eating when all she could think about was the book. Occasionally she swore she caught a few glances from her uncle too seemed to be smirking at her, could he tell she wanted to read her grandfather’s journal that bad? While Ryven just started the torture she would have to endure till bedtime, soon Melda joined in as well. Vanmoriel acted as if she put her hands in her lap, but was really feeling for the wooden sword she had parked leaning on her chair’s side, her faithful toy sword never left her side. She loved it dearly and swore she’d never part with it. Good, the sword was still there. She might need it if Ryven and Melda got worse she grinned to herself. Suddenly she awoke from her daydream of slaying the two terror twins with her sword as she heard her name being repeated over three times for her attention. It was her brother, Gromir’s, Fiancée, Cassini trying to get her attention. A bit perverse from being awoke from her good dream she looked over at her future sister-in-law with a neutral gaze. She showed what she felt that time; she felt no feelings towards Cassini as this wasn’t her first older brother or sister to be married. She got used to the idea of her siblings being taken away by other people when she desperately needed to get away from Ryven and Melda. “-So, would you help?’ Cassini had said, and Vanmoriel nodded yes having no idea what she committed too. “Great! You, Melda and Sauda will be the bridesmaids.” Her voice was cherry and happy as if she had just won Vanmoriel over when she unknowingly accepted. “Oh, okay then Cassini…” She said in a monotone. Once again, she be a bridemaid. Another wedding, another long day standing in some horrible color while Melda softly brags away in her ear about plans her ‘Partner in Crime’(Ryven) will accomplish. It was only an attempt to demolish whatever sanity she had clinging desperately to hold her to this world. Vanmoriel had no clue who Sauda was, but guessed it was Cassini’s favorite unmarried sister. That’s just how weddings worked with in the close-knit families. It was all about tradition. Time passed slowly as the adults continued to chat away, and Vanmoriel ate very little of each platter. She didn’t even touch the cakes and creams at the end, the thought of the musty brown velvet book hung heavily on her mind. It was the first book she had ever wanted to read so badly. Finally Cassini and Gormir stood up and left for the sitting room as they poured drinks for Vanmoriel’s parents. The twins stood up and ran to the playroom; though Vanmoriel was sure they where doing something highly conspicuous, as they always ran off right after dinner. Finally all that was left was the maids, Vanmoriel and her uncle. “So, did you read the book yet?” Her uncle’s warm voice said catching Vanmoriel’s attention as it always did. “No, Sir…Not yet.” “Good. Good, girl. We don’t want any one interested in that book but us…” He said simply walking off into the sitting room with the adults. Vanmoriel was soon to follow his action and leave the dinning room. Walking back into her bedchamber she bolted the door shut and blocked the door with a chair. She then went instinctively to her bed and pulled the journal from out underneath it, and after much waiting, she flipped the book open. The page was musty, but still bearable. Water stains, burnt marks, and more annoyingly graced the pages with a story of there own telling her that this book has seen many climates and if this was truly her grandfather’s journal, her uncle would have been right and her mother wrong. The first page read in Drow, Property of Anathamar, the Forgotten One And nothing more. |
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| ** Death's servant | Dec 21 2007, 08:31 AM Post #5 |
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Reflection
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Ok. I like the idea, and you have some wonderfull phrasing. But I think it is a little wordy in parts, and I didn't get any discriptions of the characters. All this to boot, I think it has alot of potential. |
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| +Linden | Dec 21 2007, 02:08 PM Post #6 |
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awesomesauce
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It was a character history, not really designed to describe anyone else but Vanmoreil. But I agree with the wordiness, I knew I had that problem even then.
:D I remember complaining that I drowned things in description so much that it became uninteresting. It's been so long since I wrote this, about four years. I think if I would continue her history, the whole tone and style would change so drastically it'd be a slap in the face to the reader. If I rewrote it, I think I'd want to model it after the books I've read; but then it wouldn't be completely mine. And I don't think I like that. But I do love the idea. :wub: Her journal was supposed to be written in her grandfather's journal, so in the beginning you find both histories. I love Vanmoreil too, the only Drow in the whole RP, who felt it was an injustice to be caged in the underdark and wanted to raid the surface world. Van was just an amazing character, she had the largest hatred I can ever remember RPing. Hated everything, especially the god she once worshiped because he was a Drow that married a Light Elf. Hehe. It was the biggest plot twist ever. *wave of nostalgia* |
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