Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]


Add Reply
  • Pages:
  • 1
  • 3
The Last Julliet
Topic Started: Feb 8 2008, 07:55 PM (1,479 Views)
+Linden
Member Avatar
awesomesauce
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Eh, it wouldn't do to kill him at the end. It'd be best to kill him off beginning-middle as a rising action, not at the climax.

*Chucks a mob at DS* Be good my little un's.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
***eboy192
Member Avatar
[Insert witty catchphrase here]
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Ch. 5

---

It was 3 in the morning when I heard the crash. My eyes immediately burst open, and for a minute or so, I laid there listening. I could hear the pumps of my blood coursing through my veins, and couldn't hear anything over its thumps. 'Stupid adrenaline' I thought, although really all that was going through my mind was 'what happened?' I crept silently over to my door and opened it the slightest crack. All I saw was our front door burst open and a window broken, and two men in black business suits talking on walkie-talkies. I could barely make out what they were saying.

The first one started; "Sir, the perimeter is secure. All suspects are being detained as we speak."

Then the second one started talking. "All units inside the building check to make sure we have no witnesses. All rooms are checked, but don't wake anyone up. Do you read!?"

At this I stood there, startled, wondering who they were after...then I remembered that they were checking the rooms; if I was caught as a witness, what would happen? I ran back to my bed and laid down just as one of the men from downstairs started up the stairs. He walked in perfect rhythm of my heart beating, but quickly my heart increased pace. I felt beads of sweat as I attempted to look asleep, and then he opened my door. He stood there silent for what seemed like an eternity, and then he turned to leave. Just as he leaved, though, I coughed. He turned around instantly and this time I felt his stare more than before. He walked up to the bed, and looked at my eyes. I was so worried that I would twitch I held my breath. Luckily, he decided I was still asleep and left the room shortly after that.

I stayed in bed for a few seconds until I was sure he was gone, and then I got back up and poked my head out the door again. This time there was only one man, and I saw the second man had gone out to the truck in the driveway labeled UFE in huge black letters. What did they want? We hadn't done anything wrong!

Suddenly, I heard a door slam open, and the sound of my father's muffled voice. It sounded like he was screaming "You won't win! You will never win!" Then I saw two soldiers in the standard UFE black camo with large guns on their backs dragging him out by his arms. I was about to scream out for them to stop, when he looked over and saw me. His eyes had so much fierce intensity that I was enveloped by them and couldn't say a word. His gaze made me realize he wanted me to stay quiet, and I did. He started screaming at the guards again, all the way out into the driveway and into the back of the van.

I was so confused I went back to my bed and sat on it, eyes wide open. I couldn't sleep, I was thinking so hard. What had just happened? I waited until I didn't hear anyone else in the entranceway and I walked slowly down, eyes darting every which way to make sure I was alone. That was it. I was alone now. I got to the front door and saw the truck driving away into the cold rainy night. Once they were out of sight I ran outside and screamed

"NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS! WHY?! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS??"

After that I sat there, laying on the ground, rain beating all over my body, sobbing. I was tired, and confused still. I thought for a while about how I felt so alone, how everything had been taken when my father left. Then I realized, I still had someone. Jack. He was all I had left. I ran back into the house and called him.

He answered in a tired voice;

"Hey...why are you calling at this time of night? Its like 3 AM or something.."

"They took him."

At this point he became more awake."What? Who?"

"My father...the UFE...they were just here...took him...rain...so tired...alone"

He started getting worried. "What happened? slow down."

I broke down. "Can you just get over here? I...need you here right now."

"Sure. Anything. Ill be over in a few minutes."

And I sat there and waited until he came into the room. When he got there, I was still sitting on my bed, and he ran up to my room calling my name.

"Elyse? Oh there you are...you look so tired"

At that point he came over to me and gave me a long hug, and kissed me on the forehead.

"Its okay...I'm here now. What happened?"

"Oh Jack...they came in, and they searched the house for him...they took my Father! I had to pretend to be asleep so they didn't take me! I miss him so much and I just feel so alone and..."

He stopped me mid sentence. "Hey...stop talking like that, ok? We will find him, we will get him back, I promise. Until then, just remember I will help you through this ok? I know its been hard for you Elyse but I'm here now and I'll protect you. Dont worry. I'll stay here and watch you while you sleep, ok?"

I nodded as tears continued to fall from my eyes, raindrops of sadness. I laid on his chest listening to his heartbeat and it fell into a rhythm as my own. I finally felt relaxed for once this entire night.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
+Linden
Member Avatar
awesomesauce
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
This is not what I expected. Now Jack can't die. -_- It'd hinder the story. Darn.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
** Death's servant
Member Avatar
Reflection
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Awsome. Nice twist, keeps the reader wanting more.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
+Linden
Member Avatar
awesomesauce
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
If it's the future, why are they using walkie talkies? (the word even sounds stupid. Walkie talkie. It sounds so bulky.) If they can upload music directly to the brain, you'd think they'd have something a little more sophisticated and quiet, they didn't want to wake anybody after all. :huh:

I still get a kick out of the ipod thing. haha.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
** Death's servant
Member Avatar
Reflection
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
The name was most likely reused. Like the thing became better but stayed the same name.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
+Linden
Member Avatar
awesomesauce
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
I have a hard time thinking of a sleek walkie talkie. The name is too ugly for 'sleek'. :dead: But whatever, it doesn't matter.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
** Death's servant
Member Avatar
Reflection
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Just my theory.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
***eboy192
Member Avatar
[Insert witty catchphrase here]
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
haha its just to give them more of a sort of "men in black suits with walkie talkies" feel
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
+ ****+Child of the Night
Member Avatar
What is the price of freedom?
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Like the "secret service macho man" character. I know what you mean
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
God of The Congo
Member Avatar
Dead Poet
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
THIS IS AMAZING!!!!! Dude, I wish I had read it earlier. You are an amazing writer. Please continue, I am fasinated.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
+ ****+Child of the Night
Member Avatar
What is the price of freedom?
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
*Pokes* Oh flu boy! Write! Or at least talk!!

Ahaha, It's great knowing what's going on...
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
***eboy192
Member Avatar
[Insert witty catchphrase here]
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
hey guys sorry about the delay i've had a sort of writers block I am going to attempt to write chapter 6 tonight
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
** Death's servant
Member Avatar
Reflection
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
I hate writer's block.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
***eboy192
Member Avatar
[Insert witty catchphrase here]
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Chapter 6.

---

Jack woke me up a few days later, and I immediately smelled the scent of eggs. How did he know I loved eggs in the morning? Anyhow, I got up and noticed this was not my house. I looked around, and thought to myself, ‘this must be where he lives’. It felt weird finally going to his place of living after hiding our relationship for so long. Anyway, I ate breakfast with him. We began discussing what had happened, when I blurted out, “I can’t go back and live there.”

He looked at me with a slight confusion. “What?”

“I can’t go back to my house and stay there; maybe not for a while. It just…doesn’t seem right.”

He understood at once. “Don’t worry, Elyse, I have some friends you can stay with if you want. I would have you stay with me, but I am currently out of a house, and am living in my friend’s guest room. You remember Milah? She is very nice and I have told her you need a place to stay and she is fine with it. In fact, I think that’s her now.”

With that, a very pretty woman with long black hair and very deep purple eyes walked into the room, followed by a timid looking guy, a bit taller than Jack but much skinnier. The boy was cute, in a sort of nerdy way. “Hey, I’m Milah,” she said, “and you need a place to stay, and I am going to steal you for a while, ok? Don’t worry, Jack can come and visit anytime, but no secret meetings out back ok?”
We all laughed, although it was a bit more awkward for me and Jack.
I spoke, “Who is the guy behind you? He seems rather shy”.
He walked up and held out his hand to shake. “I’m Simon. I am…Milah’s brother.” And with that he walked away and went out to the car.
“Don’t mind him,” said Milah, “He is rather shy and can get kind of timid sometimes. In any case, just come down when you are ready, and Jack will show you the way to our house.

With that they left the room and it was just me and Jack again. I told him I needed to go back to my house one more time, though, before I went to Milah’s. I needed to see if there was anything I left there I thought I could use. So, we headed back over, and I saw the window smashed in. ‘Those brutes!’ I thought to myself as I looked at all the stuff they had shuffled around. What were they looking for?
I walked up to my room and was lying in my bed for a second when I noticed something. I saw a note of paper shoved into the side of my bed, and it looked rather long. I pulled it out, and it was a note from my father. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I read on, determined to see what he wrote to me.

“Elyse, they will come for me tonight
But please, no matter what, do not feel any fright
For I will not be out of sight
For more than maybe at most a night
Until I return you must be strong
For there is a chance I’m wrong
And my stay could be quite long…
I want you to not say a thing
To anyone, about anything,
For it could be quite exacerbating
If anyone knew that you could sing.
Elyse, please take this little gem
And use it when you are sought by them
To keep my memory alive
Inside your heart, I will always thrive.

Attached to the bottom of the note was a tiny green gemstone, in a gold frame. I recognized it from somewhere, but I could not remember where; I put it on a instant chain and placed it around my neck. Then I decided I had to leave, and not come back for a while. As I walked out the room, I looked on the table and saw the chess set, still on the table. Then I remembered where I saw the gem. It was inside each king; the clear pieces that Father always played with had a green gem in it and mine was always red. I ran outside to the backyard and saw the shattered glass of the king piece with the green gemstone gone.

At this point I knelt down and cried for a few minutes, just thinking about how much I missed my father and wanted him back. It was cold outside, so I felt my extremities starting to numb as I lay there, and didn’t notice when the glass cut my finger. Then I saw the cool sparkle of red blood and realized what I had to do. I walked inside and found the piece with the red gem in it. I took it outside and smashed it on the ground, and as I suspected, the red gem stayed intact. I picked it up and held it in my hand. Then, as I was about to walk inside, the piece suddenly cracked and broke in my hand. I dropped it on the ground and stepped on it as hard as I could; life had been too ironic for one day. I walked outside and got in the car and left for Milah’s.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
DealsFor.me - The best sales, coupons, and discounts for you
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · Your Stories · Next Topic »
Add Reply
  • Pages:
  • 1
  • 3



Skin orginally created by Tariq | Converted by Lewis of the ZetaBoard Theme Zone