| Title Pending; The INKweaver | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 18 2008, 09:51 PM (823 Views) | |
| +Linden | Apr 21 2008, 08:08 PM Post #31 |
|
awesomesauce
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
That or it has to do with the pills. |
![]() |
|
| ** Death's servant | Apr 21 2008, 08:25 PM Post #32 |
|
Reflection
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
The mom is on the dose. She thinks in different patterns which makes eyes something she would see but not notice. She sees an eye, and her memory is not sentimentalized so it's just an eye. Her mind is dammaged by cpnsumption of a supressing drug which renders her. That's to the notice point. I had actualy forgotten about the passage of time, but that point will be explaned. It's mental. SPOILER FOR A PLOT ELEMENT DO NOT REAL IF YOU WANT TO FIND OUT IN DUE TIME. One of my favorite topics of conversation is perception. (How I see blue might look to you ((seeing it as I do)) as yellow or purple) this is going to a different level of perception, the spiritual level. The mind sees the eye for what it has become if it can accept that it can possibly and acceptably be so. So she was givin 'true sight' sort of thing by the tear of the angel. |
![]() |
|
| ** Death's servant | Apr 26 2008, 08:58 AM Post #33 |
|
Reflection
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Chapter 3 +London, year: Uni. 56. At this moment Christine will be entering the car and moving towards fate through the torrential rains of Uni. Amsterdam+ -Victor was angry, he hated London, he hated rain, he hated most of all looking everywhere and seeing Uni. at the beginning of everything. (Uni. was the abbreviation for unified.) Furthermore he hated being with the drones, he detested them, their stupidly. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to save them, it was that on the dose people were so damn infuriating. -He looked around; a man in a black leather coat with shoulder length black hair watched the train slip away as hundreds of other men in similar, normal clothing got on and off the train, while IPO. guards checked the occasional traveler. That was not Victor’s concern. He was waiting for a passenger to exit the train. Once he had his passenger he could walk out of this hive-like station, get in his car, and drive back out towards the camp, but his charge was not here. In fact she should have been here an hour ago, Victor did not like waiting. -But, before I continue, let me tell you about Victor. Victor Hemmings was an average man in height, he was thin and wiry with a thin nondescript face. His eyes though shone like coals, hot with resentment, they were deepest brown almost matching the raven black of his hair. He was part of a large group of freedom fighters, rebels against the WPO. -Today he was supposed to be waiting for a woman called Hera; he did not know her true name. Every resistance fighter within this half of the once Europe knew her face. It was a tall face, with red hair shoulder length. Every fighter also knew her reputation, and her profession, she was an assassin. Some called her face the mask of death; some called her the Right hand of Death. They were right in one thing, she was deadly, her hand had killed more than many would even dream. -Victor sat down, looking out at the rain. He sighed and checked his watch. Then was startled and made more irritable by the next thing he heard. -“I would have thought that a fighter as yourself could be slightly more observant…” Hera spoke in a heavy Germanic accent. “Would you like to leaf now? Or stand and look for me a little longer?” She was sitting down to his right. -Victor sighed “Hello Hera, we are leaving now.” He said dryly and with that they left, walking through the rain to a nondescript car, then driving westward, disappearing into the icy rain. |
![]() |
|
| +Linden | Apr 26 2008, 10:56 AM Post #34 |
|
awesomesauce
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
The only problem I see is that you switched to first person in the middle of the passage. While you started a new paragraph and it's grammatically correct, it makes the story choppy. :mellow: If you rework the paragraph to be in third person, it would flow more nicely. I'd like to see how this Hera plays her role in things. |
![]() |
|
| ** Death's servant | Apr 26 2008, 04:25 PM Post #35 |
|
Reflection
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
hmm....I could change it to. "Before the story continues you must learn a little about Victor..." How would that do. (I think that's the place you're talking about. |
![]() |
|
| +Linden | Apr 26 2008, 05:25 PM Post #36 |
|
awesomesauce
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Yeah, that's it. But now you're using second person. :dead: |
![]() |
|
| ** Death's servant | Apr 26 2008, 09:19 PM Post #37 |
|
Reflection
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
lol, it's staying as is. |
![]() |
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
|
|
| « Previous Topic · Your Stories · Next Topic » |
| Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
5:41 PM Jul 10
|





![]](http://z5.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)




5:41 PM Jul 10