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Not Living
Topic Started: Aug 8 2008, 09:44 PM (213 Views)
+Linden
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awesomesauce
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I don't know what this is. I just wrote the first part a few minuets ago and stuck the second part which I had written on my move from Arkansas to New Mexico with it. I'm not in a very healthy place right now.

“I have a bed. I have music. I have a computer and books. I have food. I have a family and pets.”

She walked around the room, a helpless feeling lying in the pit of her stomach.

“But still. I want more.”

She looked around the room. Sure enough, there was a large bed, an iPod, a laptop computer, shelves of books, and a dog which slept in the middle of her bed.

From some part of her mind, she thought: “What else could you want?”

“Friends would be nice.” She spoke aloud, “Adventure too.”

The girl sat on the edge of her bed.

“Sure, I’m alive.” She continued, “But I’m not living.”
xxx~*~xxxxxx~*~xxxxxx~*~xxx
A sprawling sea of short grass and desert cut in half by a black, flat asphalt snake was all she could see on all sides of her parent’s silver mini-van. Her gaze traveled outside from her corner seat in the back of the van. She looked but did not see.

Instead, her attention was diverted to the sharp pain traveling from her hand up to her arm to her back, welcoming the new sensation. It was something else to feel besides the dull throb of nothingness that had absorbed her mind.

Inside the clenched fist was a blue bottle cap, broken in half with the sharp edge pushed into the soft flesh of her palm. It was a discrete form of self-mutilation; safe enough to practice inside a car of unaware family members. And though it didn’t draw any blood, the pain was enough to sate the relentless craving and push back the nothingness.

She turned from the window to watch her knuckles turn white, realizing she wouldn’t be able to hold her fist this tight for any long period of time. That would mean a loss of pain, a relief. She frowned. In her lap she pressed her closed fist into her other hand and squeezed it, she could stay like that a little while longer.

When her other fist failed her, she shoved her fist under her buttocks. Closing her eyes, she absorbed the fire biting at the screaming nerves in her arm and smiled.
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CrestfallenNights
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Coming Or Going?
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It seems quite dark to me, while surrounded by bright things.
Like a rain cloud against blue skies.




I really hope you get to a healthy place soon.

<3
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+Linden
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awesomesauce
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Yeah, thanks. I'm a little better now. I call it "The Highs and Lows of Being a Girl Named Lindsey". Yup.

As for this piece of writing, I don't know if I want to continue it and make a story out of it or just leave it as is. :-/
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** Death's servant
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Reflection
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this is a begining that can go somewhere, anywhere or nowhere. keep it as dark and good as it is now, and I think you have something.
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