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Barney Goes To Ireland
Topic Started: Jan 5 2009, 05:37 PM (297 Views)
D. Black
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I'm not breathing, I must be in heaven
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Once upon a time, there were four aliens. Their names were Billy Joe, Billy Bob, Billy Goat, and Frank. They were in their spaceship, looking for the greatest food in the universe. They were searching for food that would give them a tasty sensation on their extraterrestrial taste buds.
While they were flying along, the blue planet of Earth was tangible in their front window. After flying low over the planet’s surface, they spotted the drive-thru line at the Los Angeles McDonald’s. They flew closer. After a hard and perilous journey, their destination was finally reached.
Frank told his comrades, “This ‘McDonald’s’ is apparently a church of humankind. They come here to worship the Almighty Clown and his burgerhams almost every day. This church’s specialization includes creamed ice, fries of France, and the aforementioned burgerhams.” They nodded their heads in agreement
They blew up the two cars in front of them and got in line. Frank, who was driving, leaned his green head out the window and said, “Earthling, we shall take four Kid’s Meals to be consumed with nuggets of chicken, Dr. Pepper, and fries from France. Deliver this order or face annihilation.”
After the order was placed, our alien heroes drove up to the pay window. They paid the money and pulled forward to the pickup window. Upon receiving the food, Frank told the employee, "Thank you for the food objects. Perhaps you humans are not so primitive after all.”
The sixteen-year-old boy blankly replied, “Yeeeahhh. Whatever. Just get outta here. Gosh!”
The aliens drove out of the drive-thru and parked in a parking space. Billy Joe opened his box of chicken nuggets and took a bite. The others did the same. All at once, they spit out their food in disgust, exclaiming, “This food is absurd! This food object is the most repulsive thing I have ever swallowed down my foodpipe!” Among these exclamations were also, “Eek!” and “Eww!” and “This is more vacuous and meaningless as walking your flegnarg on a Zmailjsday in a meteor shower!”
Unbeknownst to our heroes, their complaining was being watched by a clown over the parking lot security cameras. He chuckled and walked out of his secret room. Ronald McDonald grabbed his 9-millimeter military-issue handgun and walked out the McDonald’s front door. No one disrespects his food and gets away with it! He loaded a clip into his weapon.
However, before I tell you the story of the fight, you are probably asking, “Why would a restaurant mascot have a weapon?” Well, this is Los Angeles, and Ronald McDonald had many enemies, mainly the nutrition industry. He always had to be on his toes.
Continuing with our story, aiming at the aliens’ spaceship, McDonald fired off a few rounds. Alarmed and shocked by their sudden attack, our heroes dropped the disgusting food and tried to get the ship to start.
“We are out of sydronic fuel liquids!” shouted Billy Bob.
“Baa! Baa!” said Billy Goat.
In a desperate attempt to save themselves, our heroes grabbed their tazerblasters and stepped out of their spaceship to face the red-haired menace. McDonald quickly acted, sending dozens of bullets flying in all directions. Our heroes dived for cover behind cars and concrete walls. Billy Joe charged, tazerblaster a-tazing, at the fiend. McDonald, undaunted, fired his 9-millimeter right at him. Luckly, Billy Joe dodged the bullets in time! Frank lobbed a few plazmat-grenades in McDonald’s direction. They exploded with an epic BOOMZ! The explosives seemed to stun Ronald a little, but he was still ready to fight.
But wait! What’s this? Just as McDonald was about to advance on the aliens, the Wendy’s mascot, Wendy, came riding by the restaurant on her red tricycle. She was angered seeing them fighting and stepped off. The girl walked over to McDonald, knocked his gun out of his hand, beat him to the ground, and scolded him for being so mean to the aliens. After slapping him, Wendy walked over to the exhausted aliens and told them, “I’m so sorry Ronald was being so mean to you. He doesn’t really like it when people don’t like his food. You can come over to my restaurant, if you’d like to!”
Touched by the girl’s kindness, Frank replied, “Thank you, Earth girl. We would like to come to your restaurant and try some of your food objects to consume. Please show us the way to follow there.”
Alas, the aliens did not like the food either. They didn’t like the next restaurant, or even the one following. Our heroes spent the rest of their thousand years searching for the ultimate “food object.” Wandering this humble planet, they searched until the sun had collapsed, and the world was cast into shadow.
And the moral of this pointless story is…don’t eat at fast food joints!

The End
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** Death's servant
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Reflection
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awesome
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Anomy
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That. Rocked. *Applause!* Great Job

Wow.... I relate to the aliens.... but now that you have me thinking of it, Ronald McDonald would make a really good villian... not like the Joker (he is way too cool), but like scary, evil, potentially pedophilic clown, you know?
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girl anachronism
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Try to remember
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I was never into all that Ronald McDonald stuff or even Barney..... what a sad child I must have been, oh wait! I still am....ha...
I like the silliness of this action packed adventure... ^_^ I always like your writings, they are like an alternate universe where the absurd finally makes sense without ever changing.
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D. Black
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I'm not breathing, I must be in heaven
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My friend and I had a whole slew of these random stories...I wsih I could find them
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