I'm not breathing, I must be in heaven
- Posts:
- 1,008
- Group:
- Member
- Member
- #139
- Joined:
- March 29, 2008
|
For those who don't know, this is a screenplay I'm writing for a film my friends and I are working on. Many of the names and lines are references to fantasy, sci-fi, and other zombie films. I put the script in the spoiler so I didn't have a long post.
------------
DAWN OF THE BREAD
CHARACTERS Three roommates: Peter- oldest, natural leader Roger- Peter’s best friend Stephen- youngest, total nerd
Others: Shaun- electric store employee, sent over to repair a microwave Random newscaster- random newscaster who reports on the zoast outbreak Douggie Fresh- random black dude who eats breakfast with the guys at the end of the movie so that the film crew can throw in one more random pop culture reference
SETTING A modern-day American house. A mutation in mold has caused bread, muffins, jelly donuts, cakes, and other various baked goods to come to life and attack the living. Three roommates and one electrical appliance repair guy fight off the menace with Nerf guns and random pop culture references.
Spoiler: click to toggle OPENING CREDITS [Camera pans around a modern kitchen. After a few seconds, the screen flashes to black and words come onscreen]: JELLYFISH JENOCIDE PICTURES PRESENTS [Camera continues to pan, before resting on a toaster on a counter] A FILM BY JORDAN HAKES AND DAVID SCANDURA [Camera zooms in on toaster. A slice of toast pops out. After a few seconds, the toast says “Braaaiiinnnnnnssssssss”] [Main titles flash] DAWN OF THE BREAD
ROGER, PETER, and STEPHEN sit around their dining table eating cereal and doing homework. A television plays in the background.
STEPHEN Lord Roger, I must ask if you could please pass me an orange so that we may fulfill the prophecy of the great mountain of destiny?
ROGER passes orange to STEPHEN
ROGER Here ya go, Frodo.
STEPHEN My name is Lord Stephen, Crusher of Dwarves!
PETER Will you cut this Lord of the Rings crap, already? I have to finish studying my Physics notes.
STEPHEN I see it! You have betrayed us all! You mean to take the Ring to Sauron! You will spell doom for all of Middle-Earth!
PETER Stephen, shut the hell up!
STEPHEN [quietly] Evil…back to the black chasm with you…traitorous scum…
PETER Roger, what time is the repairman supposed to be here?
ROGER Foree Electric said he’d be here around 9:30. I hope he is, otherwise I won’t be able to have my midmorning microwaveable meatloaf.
PETER Nice use of alliteration, there.
ROGER Thank you, Peter. Hey, you wanna go over to Duane Jones’ house after Intro to Philosophy today? He’s having a party. I heard that he got Wild Zero to play.
PETER Pssh, we can just skip out on Philosophy. Professor Romero’s always half-asleep anyway. He won’t notice—
STEPHEN AUGH! YOU FOOLS! Why are you thinking of partying and such trivial things when we have a quest to complete! We must be ready to leave for the Forest of Darkness before the sun reaches the top of the sky!
PETER glares at STEPHEN
STEPHEN Sorry, Peter. I forgot.
ROGER Why did we even make this guy our roommate anyway?
PETER Because he has a car. And he’s pretty good with early European history.
STEPHEN Archers at the rear! Swordsmen at the front! We must be ready for the Norsemen’s invasion!
ROGER Well, I guess that works.
Doorbell rings
ROGER That must be the dude from the electric store.
ROGER gets up from table and walks down hallway. He answers door. Repairman SHAUN is at the door. He is an obvious reference to SHAUN from SHAUN OF THE DEAD…bloodstained clothes, red tie, bloodstained cricket bat, Foree Electric employee tag.
ROGER You’ve got red on you.
SHAUN Yeah I know. I got a call about a broken microwave or something? Maybe it was a toaster? Lawnmower? I really have no bloody clue.
ROGER Yeah, it was a microwave…come on in.
SHAUN enters and ROGER closes door
ROGER and SHAUN walk back into the kitchen. SHAUN moves over to microwave and gets out tools. He begins to repair the microwave. ROGER returns to table.
PETER Finally! Finally done with those godforsaken Physics notes! Now all I have to do is take that test.
STEPHEN You shall not pass!
PETER Hey, that one actually wasn’t that bad.
STEPHEN Yeah, I know. I think I’m getting better at this.
PETER That’s good. You’ve taken your first step into a larger world.
STEPHEN and PETER laugh and continue eating breakfast
SHAUN [singing] Tonight, I’m gonna have myself a real good time/ I feel ali-hi-hihive/ and the world it’s turning inside out yeah/ I’m floating around in ecstasy so don’t stop me now/ Don’t stop me now
PETER, ROGER, and STEPHEN join in
ALL Cuz I’m having a good time having a good time/ I’m a shooting star ripping through the sky/ like a tiger, defying the laws of gravity/ I’m a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva/ I'm gonna go go go/ There's no stopping me /I'm burning through the skies Yeah!/ Two hundred degrees/ That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit/ I'm trav'ling at the speed of light/ I wanna make a supersonic man out of you—
News report on television interrupts. ALL stop singing except for STEPHEN
NEWSCASTER ---reports are coming in all across the country of this horrifying incident---
STEPHEN ---Don’t stop me now yeah!
PETER Shut up!
The group gathers around the television
NEWSCASTER ---it appears that bread, toast, waffles, muffins, and other various foods belonging to the bread and grain food group have risen from their breadbaskets and have begun to attack the living. The government have advised citizens to stay in their homes and arm themselves in anyway that they can. We would love to tell you to kill the creatures by removing the head or destroying the brain, but bread doesn’t really have a head or a brain so we’ll just tell you to use good ol’ trial and error. In other news, an interview with Bill Cosby…
Voice on television: “Mmmm…pudding!” PETER shuts off TV
PETER What a bunch of crap…
ROGER Seriously? Gahh…the media these days…
SHAUN Why’d you shut it off? I wanted to hear about pudding!
PETER Just get back to work!
STEPHEN You fools! Don’t you know what this means?! The day has come! Humanity has reached it’s downfall! The end is nigh!
ROGER SHUT UPPPPP!!!! FOR THE SWEET LOVE OF JOHN MCCAIN’S WRINKLY TESTICLES SHUTTTT UPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!
STEPHEN Fine! Fine! Don’t listen then! Continue mindlessly living your lives, while unbeknownst to you but knownst to me, your lives are in danger of a grainy and healthy demise! Mealh! MUAGHHH!!
STEPHEN runs into his room screaming and locks the door
ROGER He’s not coming back.
PETER Nope.
SHAUN’S cell phone rings. He answers.
SHAUN Hello….oh, hey….yeah, it’s Shaun. Mmmhmm…..oh….okay….really?...oh, I see….yeah…uh huh…oh..oh…okay. Okay…..yeah, I’ll finish up with this microwave, then I’m coming to get you Barbara. Okay, bye.
SHAUN puts away phone
SHAUN Ahh…I’m starving. Hey guys, do you mind if I have something to eat?
ROGER Not at all, go ahead.
SHAUN Thanks mate.
SHAUN walks to fridge and opens it. He pulls some bread out from it and puts it on a plate on the counter. He returns to the fridge and pulls out some butter and milk. He gets a glass out from a cupboard and pours milk into it. He returns the milk to the fridge and closes it. He takes the items over to the plate with the toast. He walks to another counter and gets a knife out from the drawer and walks back to the plate. He starts buttering the bread.
SHAUN stares at the bread with a curious look on his face
The bread does not move
SHAUN’S eyes grow wider
The bread does not move
SHAUN’S face grows worried
The bread does not move
SHAUN begins screaming
The bread does not move
SHAUN continues screaming
PETER What’s going on, Shaun?
ROGER Are you okay?
SHAUN is still screaming and staring at the bread
The bread suddenly jumps on SHAUN’S face
BREAD Braaiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHAUN OH MY GOD!!! AHH!!! AHHH!!!! OH MY GODDDD!!!!
SHAUN pulls the bread from his face. There is some butter left on his cheek (simulating the zombie bite)
ROGER runs up and stabs the bread with the butter knife
SHAUN [breathing heavily] Oh…oh man. What the hell was that?
PETER Whatever that man inside the TV said is true. The bread has really come to life.
ROGER Oh, balls.
TO BE CONTINUED....
|