| my nano!; feedback... please? XD | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 10 2009, 07:56 PM (242 Views) | |
| Anomy | Aug 10 2009, 07:56 PM Post #1 |
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My NaNoWriMo for this year!!! Or, what I have as a beginning. (It's not cheating. This does not go to my word count.) Any other Wednesday I would have waited for Cammie to come and pick me up, never mind how much her driving scared me. But, as fate would have it, to waste such a wonderful autumn evening would have been a shame. The shadows cast by quiet homes and restless trees were almost invisible. They lifted my usual reservations about walking home alone from our local library. It was a short trek, about fifteen minutes if I was speed walking. Something I thought nothing of after nearly four years. But it was something I should have considered when I left the safety of the library’s stone archways. I didn’t, which was probably my first mistake that night. No, it was the second. My first was leaving alone. Looking back, he was very collected for the shock he was about to receive. I barely noticed that there was something troubling him but, in my defense, I was a little rattled myself. I walked with my eyes to the sky and the treetops that hung over my head. The sun was setting, pushing the lengthy shadows away for me. Almost as if the sun was keeping them at bay. In actuality, a few of them were staring out at me, curious enough to be seen but not so curious as to actually speak to me. Which was just as well because ever time I caught so much as a glimpse of one, my mind was methodically and logically explaining them away. I had actually taken my medication that day. It made reading and concentrating a little harder but it was better than living with that fear. Cammie never once believed me to be insane. Neither did Sally, Cammie’s mother and the kind woman who adopted me the day I was told that it was either the streets or a state ward. I was always the one who believed I was clinically insane. But never mind that now. I understood later that they didn’t approach me because something else was watching. One or two of them were actual Folk, most were merely the lingering presences that haunted me all my life. The eyes of the Folk, no matter how much I feared them, were incredibly beautiful. It was as if someone peeled back their eyelids and set jewels and precious stones in their sockets instead of eyeballs. Their bony but elegant fingertips skittered nervously up and down the bark of the trees they employed as shields. The tattered brown sneakers I wore made small scrapes on the pavement. It was unusually quiet for the area at that time of day. Normally, children would have been screeching and clamoring all over the nearby park. People would have been walking their dogs, old women and their half-dozing husbands would be feeding birds. An occasional jogger would have nodded at me. Birds would be noisily going about their business before nightfall. The eerie hush had only just settled over my bones. I picked up my pace. In an instant, the cool autumn air pierced my clothes and stayed with me. Goosebumps rose up my arms spread over my body. My eyes found their way to the ground more frequently, until finally I was keeping them locked to the rippled white pavement. I dared not look up for more than a moment. He appeared before me like a ghost. I picked up right away that he wasn’t normal and bit my tongue to keep from screaming. Screaming only got me into more trouble when they approached me. This was different. He didn’t reach for me like they normal did, nor did he mumble whatever was in his head. He merely parted his lips to reveal a set of perfect teeth. The smile sent a jolt down my spine. Every instinct I had knew he was connected to them, I just didn’t know how. He was at least a foot taller to my five foot five; he had to tilt his head down slightly to look me in the eye. Angelic gold hair with a slight curl to it tumbled out of the neat little ponytail he had at the base of his neck. It danced with the slightest movement of the wind. His face was mesmerizing and flawless, like something off of a Greek statue. The aura around him was overpowering to the point where I felt dizzy. He casually blocked my path, still smiling. I stopped a few feet away from him. We were an almost laughable contrast. There was me, wearing torn up, muddy brown sneakers, a pair of faded blue jeans, and a form-fitting black tank top. And then there was him, in a black business suit that hugged his lean figure like a glove and perfectly polished shoes that created a stark contrast to the white pavement that he stood on. He didn’t say anything. He just stared. And that stare had me pinned where I was. I had never seen anything so unnatural. Where people had normal white corneas, his were glaringly silver. The actual color of his eyes was a deep crimson and his pupils were blacker than the darkest night. I felt my own eyes widen with the abnormal pressure that came with his gaze. His brow furrowed and his glare intensified. He looked angry, which never bade well for me. Angry Folk were dangerous. I have a scar about my right hip where one of them took a stab at me when I was six. My escapes didn’t get any better over the years. “Name.” He didn’t ask. He ordered. I felt a splatter of rain on my right shoulder. When did the clouds get there? The shadows that the sun had been pushing from my path were now threatening to engulf me. I saw past his eyes to the dark gray clouds that churned in alarming ways. A flash registered in my left eye and I heard the whip of lightning tear through the sky like an unforgiving bullet. “Name.” He said again. He looked slightly bemused by my lack of response. The rain was coming down in a light mist. Lightning kept getting closer. Giving up on words, he took a step forward. The white concrete turned into a wet gray. I stepped back. Lightning followed by instantaneous thunder blinded and deafened me. Car wheels screeched in the distance. He snuffed at me, as if mocking my lack of motor capabilities, and laughed. Wind blew my already soaking hair backwards. Another pearl of lightning and thunder saw his disappearance. By the time I was at the end of the walkway, I was already explaining him away. |
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| +Linden | Aug 10 2009, 08:15 PM Post #2 |
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awesomesauce
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Is this Hellflower? |
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| Anomy | Aug 10 2009, 11:51 PM Post #3 |
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Extreme Member
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A revamped version, yes. I've even restructured Hell for this one. X3 |
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| +Linden | Aug 10 2009, 11:55 PM Post #4 |
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awesomesauce
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The blender stays right? :3 |
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| Anomy | Aug 11 2009, 11:15 PM Post #5 |
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Extreme Member
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Of course the blender stays. I couldn't have Cammie unless I had that ridiculous blender xD |
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