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"How Not to Write..."
Topic Started: Jun 9 2009, 09:40 PM (1,285 Views)
bionic4ever
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And one of the benefits of posting here is that you can tell if something just isn't working - and make adjustments.
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OJFan
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True, but it still isn't the same as a beta reader. A good beta reader will be honest with you about the story and tell you if you're totally in left field. It might mean a lot of rewriting to make it better, but it's worth it in the end.
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soxs93
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Question. What is a beta reader?
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bionic4ever
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You send them your story and they do a combination of proofread, advise and make suggestions for improvements. They also point out parts of your story that simply don't work.
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soxs93
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Ok. Gotcha. Thanks. yide
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bionic4ever
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I have a friend who is my beta reader - and I do the same for her. Unfortunately, she didn't catch the HUGE boo-boo I almost made today....but then again, I hadn't sent her the reveal chapter yet....
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messyhead
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Why do we call them beta readers anyway? Why don't we call them proofreaders?
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OJFan
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But does a proof-reader point out bumpy spots in logic and flow, adherence to the canon etc...? If so, then I agree - WHY don't we call them proofreaders?
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messyhead
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I think 'beta reader' is a term invented by internet users.
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OJFan
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Yeah, computer geeks say "beta testing" when they roll out new software that hasn't undergone robust user testing.
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messyhead
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This is funny and clever and a great reminder of how not to write. Apparently it was written by William Safire and then augmented by anonymous contributors:

1. A writer must not shift your point of view.
2. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
3. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
4. Always pick on the correct idiom.
5. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
6. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
7. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat)
8. Be more or less specific.
9. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
10. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
11. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
12. Don’t over-use exclamation points!!!!!
13. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
14. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
15. Employ the vernacular.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
18. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
19. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than under-statement.
20. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
22. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
23. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
24. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
25. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
26. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
27. No sentence fragments.
28. One should NEVER generalize.
29. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
30. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
32. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
33. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
35. The adverb always follows the verb.
36. The passive voice is to be ignored.
37. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
38. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
39. Who needs rhetorical questions?
40. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
41. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

And the last one...

42. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
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OJFan
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GRATE!!!!

Okay, that only covered three didn't it? :)
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messyhead
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:lol: Right on OJ.
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bionic4ever
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Apr 1 2010, 05:12 PM
GRATE!!!!

Okay, that only covered three didn't it? :)

u mft u mft u mft u mft u mft
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OJFan
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How hard would it be to write a document with ALL of those errors? Could you do it in a paragraph?
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