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| A Monkey Named Addiction | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 13 2012, 09:58 PM (112 Views) | |
| Jackfmaster | Jul 13 2012, 09:58 PM Post #1 |
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A camera is seen focusing in on a man standing in front of a door holding a microphone. This man is UWF Interviewer Nate Williams, and behind the door he's standing in front of is the locker room of Joey McArthur, a cruel, egotistical and downright despicable human being who is to be interviewed by Williams. Throughout the past year, McArthur has berated, ranted and raved at Nate Williams, showing an outright hatred, a mutual feeling which Williams has managed to supress in spite of himself. Past interviews with McArthur haven't exactly gone well in the past, and now, Williams thinks, will be no different. Despite this, he clears his throat, and mentally prepares himself for an encounter with McArthur: Williams: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm standing right outside the door of the undefeated Joey McArthur, who has agreed to an exclusive interview regarding the situation between him and Boris Neshkabov, as well as his big 4-on-4 Tag Team Match next week! If he'll just let me in, then perhaps..... A booming voice is heard through the door from inside the locker room: McArthur: Whaddya waiting for, Nancy Boy? The door's unlocked! Now hurry up so I can catch the O'Reilly Factor! Williams sighs, moving his hand hesitantly towards the doorknob, before finally resting his palm on it and twisting it, opening the door for the cameraman and himself. Williams then braces himself for the usual strong smell of sweat, tobacco, and cheese puffs before entering. Just like seemingly every locker room in every arena McArthur finds across the country, this one is littered with wads of paper, chewing tobacco, and various wrappers. Amongst the stacks of paper, which seem to grow everytime Joey goes to a new arena, Williams notices a stack of important looking legal documents. Before he can have much time to examine them, a loud and obnoxious throat clearing by McArthur interrupts the silence: McArthur: Hey, butt monkey! The actions over here, not on that pile of rejected talk show names! Now get over here, do your job, and interview me! Swallowing his frustration and putting aside his curiosity, Williams turns around to see the impatient and venomous glare of Joey, who is casually leaning backwards in a steel chair while drinking from.... a flask? Despite his hesitancy, Williams decides to probe sutblely about this development: Joey McArthur? The righteous moral warrior, drinking alcohol after chastising Boris for doing the same? Williams: Oh, I'm sorry if I interrupted you in the middle of anything. I suppose it is an awful hot day out... McArthur: Can the Boy Scout crap, Nate, I know what you're thinking: Oh, me oh my! How could Joey go back on his tirade against alcohol? How on Earth could he sit there and have the gall to knock back a few just hours after attacking Bore-Us for doing so? Well this is different. See this ain't vodka; this is pure, all natural, homemade whiskey! Moonshine! And I am nothing like Bore-Us. He drinks because he has to. He drinks because there's a monkey on his back with an insatiable appetite for self destruction. And that monkey's name is Addiction. I am no addict. If you knew the kind of week I had, trust me, kid, you'd be tossing your head back some too! Sensing an opportunity to perhaps get some juicy story from McArthur, Williams decides to ask further about his problems. Williams: Would you mind sharing what's on your mind with the UWF audience? McArthur: Why, as a matter of fact, this is the perfect time for a soapbox. See, almost two years ago, my wife left me and took our beautiful children with her. About six months after that, about the time I signed up with You-Dubya-Eff, she finally got the balls to file for divorce from me. However, due to my busy schedule of wrestling and angry conservative podcasts, the court date has been pushed further and further back until now. That loony judge went and made it the Thursday before Ultimate Showdown! The nerve of him! And now that low down, dirty skank doesn't just want my kids, she wants everything! My house, my money, Rosita's- er, my SUV, and everything I value. It could all be gone- BAM!- Just like that. I got the call after being utterly humiliated at The Brawl For It All, so with the physical and mental pain I've been feelin' what excuse don't I have for drinkin'? And the worst part of all this: I didn't get to choose my own lawyer! The court went out and found me the hairiest, foulest, border jumper they could find! How am I supposed to win my case when my lawyer sounds like the Taco Bell dog! Oh, me! Until these last few sentences, Williams had been feeling nothing but pity and guilt, guilt for probing into a man's personal life like this. But these last few horrifyingly backwards words had all but replaced those feelings with annoyance, for at the end of the day, Joey would always be Joey. He then decided to move on from Joey's self pity by asking about the subject at hand. Williams: Right, well, Joey, let me ask you, how do you feel regarding your match next week, where you'll be teaming up with the Brawl For It All winner CF Schulze, Ashten Cross, and Venom to take on Boris, Jamie O' Hara, Shaker Jones and Anthony Hawk? McArthur: Well me establish first of all, that I couldn't trust these guys I'm teamin' with as far as I could throw 'em. I mean you got a Satanist, you've got some green no name, and then you got that fluke CF Schulze, all on a team with the Undefeated, 2011 You-Dubya-Eff King of Wrasslin', Joey McArthur, and well, it's pretty obvious who stands the tallest here. They may each have their faults, and alone, they're as competent as a sack of potatoes, but under my guidance, I will turn these misfits into a well oiled unit capable of taking down any man who dares challenge us. I guess you could say, I'm kinda the captain of the team. And as for our competition, it ain't nothin' we can't handle. I mean, you got Anthony Hawk, who's about as threatening as taking a snake puppet out of your pants. You got Shaker Jones, who failed to win the You-Dubya-Eff world title. You got Bore-Us, but I'll get to him later. And then, there's Jamie O' Hara. See, I understand that you're a veteran, O'Hara, and I can respect that. But when you get in my way of getting to the big time, you're in for a world of hurt, mister. I'll break you as silly as that Lucifer Creed did at Crossroads, and then some! Williams: And what do you have to say regarding the challenge Boris layed out for you earlier tonight? Joey's eyes then narrow intimidatingly as he gets closer to the camera, suprising the cameraman a great deal as he stares right into the camera. McArthur: Boris, this one's directed to you, boy. Ya see, we have a bit in common: We both came in around the same time last year. We've both had some problems in our lives, some more severe than others. We're both proud of countries, me of the glowing land of greatness that is America, and you of that foul, putrid snow globe you call Russia. But other than that, we are nothin' alike: I'm a smart, strong, righteous undefeated Adonis of a man who's got a one way ticket to the pearly gates of Heaven. And you? You're a pathetic, drunken waste of a soul who spends his time goofin' around with some camera monkey and getting hammered every other night. You're on a slippery slope, my friend. You'll be licked by the flames of Hell sooner than you ever would've thought. You are a disgrace to this business, you're a disgrace to company, and you're a disgrace to humanity! So let's cut the formalities; I accept your challenge. At Ultimate Showdown, you will see why I have been undefeated for a year and why you're a waste of skin. I will crush you in front of all those people, Bore-Us, and when I do, you'll wish you had never incurred the wrath of Joey... Mac.... Arthur! |
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2:52 PM Jul 11