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Best In The Whole Goddang World
Tweet Topic Started: Jul 21 2012, 10:50 PM (101 Views)
Jackfmaster Jul 21 2012, 10:50 PM Post #1

Posts:
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Apr 7, 2012
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UWF 2011 King Of Wrestling.
A flash of static is seen across the screen. A low, angry, mumbling is heard as the screen begins to move. The static finally stops, as the camera rests on the back wall of a vast, yet poorly kept study. A bookshelf, with several noticable gaps, is seen, with some books still on the shelf, strewn about and turned upside down. Almost all the books are covered in a thick layer of dust, except for several Bibles, conservative memoirs, and comic books. By the bookshelf is a fireplace, spreading warmth and light across the otherwise dark and gloomy study, which is lit by a small, grimy lamp on the desk. On closer inspection, there are no logs present, inside the fire or out. This could explain the lack of books on the shelf. On the desk, in addition to the dingy lamp, is several crumpled up pieces of paper, a moldy coffee cup, and a small wooden box, containing a pistol, with the name "White Justice" engraved on the box. A black chair with wheels on it, is seen facing the camera, with it's back turned. The chair then turns around, revealing a gaunt, serious looking man, wearing a scarlet bathrobe and a black cowboy hat, with a pipe in his mouth. That man's name is Joey McArthur, the 2011 King Of Wrestling, and a man who is heading into his very first Ultimate Showdown in just days. He faces the camera with a twinkle in his eye and a slight smirk in his otherwise grim face. He clears his throat dramatically before speaking to the camera:


Joey: It's been a while since I've done one of these. That's right, Ladies and Gentlemen, live from my house, mi casa, the goddang place where I live! This is the one, the only, head turning, book burning, Joey McArthur!


Joey then takes a break to pant and wheeze, as this latest outburst seems to have taken a lot out of him. He then recollects himself before continuing on.


Joey: First of all, I wanted to address an itty bitty controversey from this past week. As you know, my team failed to beat our opponents on this past Underground, but make no mistake! I am still undefeated! Ashten Cross is the one who dropped the ball and got pinned, not me! I ain't countin' that as a loss! Now as all of you may know, things have not been going well for your You Dubya Eff 2011 King Of Wrasslin'; I got eliminated from the Brawl For It All match, my bitch of an Ex-Wife is taking me to court just days before my big match at Ultimate Showdown, and worst of all, I've got a near 300 pound, drunken, Russian, gorilla breathing down my back. See, the thing about Bore-Us Nesh-Key-Bov is that he ain't too right in the head. He's a little unbalanced on account of all that poison he's been puttin' in his body. Facta the matter is, he should be dead with all the drinking he's done. But he's still here. He's still trying to get the best of me, and that ain't gonna happen! Y'know, I heard about his little brush with the law. Now, I may be facing losing half of all I own and never seeing my kids ever again. I may have had an FCC fine here, and a domestic incident there, but never have I been sued for assault! By five people! And yet, he still has a better chance of winnin' that case then beating me at Ultimate Showdown! You've been takin' the breath Gawd gives you for granted, Bore-Us, and at Ultimate Showdown, you will meet the reaper! Muhahahaha!


Joey's maniacal laughing then turns into several whooping coughs, causing him to gasp for air before taking out a small, silver flask from which he takes several gulps of, before continuing.


Joey: But that's just next Sunday. What I'm here to talk about is my opponent on Underground, Steve Wolf. Now, Steve, I know you've been workin' hard just to get here. I know you've been in company after company, just waitin' for that big break. You've worked your ass off, and now you're finally here, at the promise land of You Dubya Eff! But lemme tell ya somethin', boy. Take it from someone who's been here for a while; You shouldn't have came, boy. See, there's only enough room for one top dog here. Now, you could say it's Richard Garcia, the You-Dubya-Eff World Champion. You could say it's Dean James, our "beloved" Chairman. Hell, you could name anyone on that roster, but the facta the matter is, they ain't undefeated like me. They ain't the done the things I have. I don't need a shiny belt around my waist to prove that I'm the best there is. This Monday, on Underground, you will become just another number. You will join all of those who have fallen at my feet, and then you will know, just who the top dog is. You'll be just a warnin' for Bore-Us. Let it be known that all who try to make a name for themselves by challenging me will fall, one by one. I will remain undefeated. I will remain at the top. I will ride this momentum and I will become the You-Dubya-Eff World Champion! Then, my wife will regret ever leaving me, the network will regret ever firing me, because I will rise to the top of the wrasslin' world and take my place as a true legend. Just you wait and see; I will prove that I'm the Best In The Whole Goddang World!
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