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The Stupidest Shit I've Ever Seen or Heard; A fine collection of dumbassery
Topic Started: Jun 18 2009, 06:15 PM (5,576 Views)
Tabris Macbeth
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Edit: Nothing you read in this thread will ever be equal to the anti-ladder circlejerk formed by people who forgot how reading works. I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP. (page 18)

Gawd, the list of shit that needs to go into this. For now, it's just kick things off with this...this...thing.

Did you know YouTube favors Democrats? It doesn't show favor to Republicans alone (only people who pay for their loyalty), so it's clearly run by dirty, poopy liberals! It is, it is, it is! Or at least according to "utubefavorsdems", who has this piece of shit for a background:

Posted Image

Get it? THEY'RE BOTH NIGGERS! HUR HUR HUR!

...Hey, I'm only saying what's in this asshole's soul. What's on his channel is "Obama Worshipers Are Stupid People!" and a bunch of links to like-minded pieces of human garbage. And he's screening his comments, like every asshole like him. Seriously, go on to some neo-con's or creationist's channel, take a look at the comments, then try and post something. I've commented on several channels like this, and only one wasn't screening their comments! One!

Oh, and what clever nuggests of wisdom is he offering up to the YouTube community?

"Obama is making fools out of his worshipers!

Obama is making fools out of his worshipers!

Obama is making fools out of his worshipers!"


Oh, hey! Just realized I could probably validly flag this asshole's background! Well, gosh...what to do, what to do...

...Man. Angry Rants is gonna be a busy place for a while...

-Tabris
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Sweet Raven
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Um...shouldn't that be "worshippers", with two Ps?

Anyway, I have something: The Olive Garden pulled their advertising because of that joke Letterman told and grovelled for forgiveness over. Yes, because I know I always associate The Olive Garden with David Letterman and not stereotypical Italians sitting around the table, going "Mama mia! The Olive Garden is a spicy meat-a-ball-a!".

Oh hey, something I just realized: Where were all these people pulling their ads when the person Bill O'Reilly constantly called a baby killer was murdered? Or when Rush Limbaugh said he wanted the President of the United States of America to fail? Or when Michelle Malkin posted a picture of a plane about to hit the World Trade Center and had a text bubble coming from the plane mocking both Muslims and Miranda Rights? Or...

Yeah, you get the idea.
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Tabris Macbeth
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Cynthia Davis, Representative of Missouri, made a case against poor children and for child labor. She's also the chairwomen for child's services there.

...W-T-FUCK?!

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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Cynthia Davis made Countdown's Worst Person in the world...AGAIN! The human sack of garbage actually tried defending her stupid bullshit remark of how, basically, poor children should all go fuck off and die of starvation.

Y'know what would be terrific? People of Missouri, if you see your representative, throw rotten food at the bitch! Do it with your kids! Fun for the whole family!

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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When I heard Rush Limbaugh said something about Michael Jackson, I jokingly- jokingly- thought to myself "he's going to blame Jackson's death on Obama".

Guess what? HE DID! He fucking did just that! He pointed out he did great while Reagan was in office (Reagan was magical, by the way), had all this bad stuff happen when Clinton was in office, then died during Obama's term. FUCKING SERIOUSLY! Uh, and correct me if I'm wrong, but that second child molesting case, that label dispute thing, and that very unflattering documentory happen during Bush's term?

Indeed, the man is a big, grounded up bag of jackass.

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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Well...we're back here again:

http://blogs.chron.com/gamehacks/2009/07/r...e_new.html#more

Yeah, more non-existent racism in fucking video games! Give me a fucking break!

Anyone else remember this shit with Resident Evil 5 (which rears it's ugly black head again here)? Maybe two or three people (myself included) joked about this stupid nonsense while everyone else foamed at the mouth for two reasons: One, black people are better than anyone else and should be treated with the same fear and respect that we show to Muslims (because they're all terrorists and they'll blow you up with you don't kiss their asses). And two, if there's anything more holy and sacred than black people, it's video games. You can't joke about black people and you can't joke about video games. You should be deathly afraid of being accused of racism (but ONLY if you're being accused of hating black people) and video games should be treated like objects of die hard worship.

Oh, and get this: when called out on his bullshit, the racist fuckwad basically whines, takes his ball, and goes home.

Edit: Upon further reading...Jesus fucking Christ! There's so little fact checking here that this guy should be Fox News!

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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Because the spineless little shit probably isn't joke about all that garbage, he's screening his comments so only assholes who agree with him will have their comments show up, unless he can think of a brilliant retort to anyone who dares defy him. Here's what you're likely not to see:

"Keep it civil"? You look for racism where it doesn't exist, you apparently think it's okay to kill imaginary foreigners so long as they aren't black, your view of the American Civil War is almost comical in it's simplicity, you apparently either never played Resident Evil 5 or didn't pay a single sliver of attention to what was going on if you did (there haven't been zombies since Resident Evil 4- which took place in SPAIN, not South America, but I can see how you would get the two mixed up), you think people (well, other than you) haven't long gotten over Hurricane Katrina and the CIVIL FREAKING WAR, you use internet shorthand in what one can only assume is supposed to be a legitimate attempt at journalism, and you actually think you have any right to just take your ball and go home?

I'd say the most offensive thing about this blog entry is a tie between the blog entry itself and window it grants us into the blogger's soul, but this is so absurdly ridiculous in its thinly veiled racism (to recap: burning Asians alive is okay, but black zombies and Southerns that aren't demonized are WRONG) and complete lack of fact checking makes me believe that this blog entry is, in fact, satire.

But of course, I also think that Fox News is actually one big, several years long satire. I could be wrong.


-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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And ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages, the splendid circus of perfect retardation continues, but with a new player!

First, there's this beautiful piece of work from someone who swears more than I did at IGN yet hasn't had his IP banned:

http://blogs.ign.com/ANBUKaptain/2009/07/15/124934/

And then ArbtheRipper actually said this:

You're wrong kid.

...Y'know, let's discect this shit. First, you're 23, asshole. You're not really in any position to call anyone "kid".

Nice language, BTW. Impressive.

Yeah, right back at ya, jackass. "BTW"? Never, ever insult anyone's writing, then talk in internet retard speak.

The confederate rag is and has been used as a symbol of racism and white supremacy for hundreds of years.

The current year is 2009. The American Civil War was from 1861–1865. Obviously, the Confederacy did not exist before this war happened, which happened because they tried to seceed. (And on a sidenote, they tried to seceed because they couldn't get their way. Sound familiar?) That said, the Civil War happened less than 200 years ago. At least as of the time I'm writing this and ArbtheRipper wrote that.

How do you not know that? It's pretty fucking stupid and insensitive to not be aware of that as an American.

...No comment here, 'cus that thing about insensitivity gets even more hypocritical.

I'm white and every time I see that flag on a bumper sticker, I want to throw a brick.

Now that's sensitivity!

It pretty much represents the worst of America for a lot of people.

And I say again, right back at ya, jackass. Writing everything in acronyms doesn't save time, looking like you hate black people isn't the most absolute worst thing in the world (I'm reminded yet again of that episode of Law and Order: SVU where the white couple wanted to make it perfectly clear that they adopted a black kid and had him killed only for the insurance, and not at all because of racism), and the Confederate flag hasn't existed for hundreds of years.

W-T-Fuck, man...

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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While the above was amusing, this bullshit about Gates just makes me fucking hate America. Doubly so when some jackass goes on about America's so great, then talks about how it's so full of fucking racism! Fucking fuckballs!

Okay, so here's the deal: This black professor guy got arrested for breaking into his own home. Obama was right when he said this was a stupid move on the police's part. He didn't know any more than anyone else (I didn't even know about this until I saw it at his press conference), black professor guy was his friend, America has a nasty history of bigot bullshit, so yeah, anyone with a fucking brain wouldn't make a big deal out of this. But God forbid we not make a giant deal out of fucking skin pigment. Jesus.

Here's what I first knew: A college professor was arrested in his own home for breaking into his own home. That's just assinine. Nevermind that it was a black professor and a white cop, that is freakin' assinine. When I hear "professor", I think mature, classy, sophisticated, someone who doesn't play the damn race card. And honestly, not being the "law and order" type and knowing what even the illusion of power does to people's tiny egos, I'm not a big fan of cops. So when it's a professor versus a cop, I'm siding with the professor. I'm all intellectual and junk. But then...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32122233/ns/to...eople?GT1=43001

‘What's this about?’ ” Crowley said. “And I said, ‘I’m Sergeant Crowley from the Cambridge Police Department. I’m investigating a break-in in progress.’ And he responded, ‘Why? Because I’m a black man in America?’ in a very agitated tone

I heard some black racists saying crap similiar to that, so now, I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out Obama has the same luck with friends that I seem to have and that Gates turned out to be a complete racist asshole who always plays the victim just to get his way. But hey, the guy's a Harvard professor, for crying out loud! Guys like that don't go get all pissy at the drop of a hat! They're intellectuals! They don't...

...Oh wait...he's a professor of "race relations"...fuck...

Okay, let's take a look at what he had to say. And being a natural psychologist, lemme point out I was born with a bullshit detector (that usually doesn't work when I like someone):

“I said, ‘This is my house, I’m a Harvard professor. I live here,’ ”

Okay, let's take this apart and take a close look. Was it really necessary to point out he's a Harvard professor? One could easily argue that he was trying to flaunt his power and authority as a Harvard professor...but one could also argue that he pointed out he was a Harvard professor because Harvard professors don't go around, breaking into houses. Okay, let's still give this guy a chance.

“He said, ‘Can you prove it?’ I said, ‘Just a minute.’ And I turned my back, I walked into the kitchen to get my Harvard ID and my Massachusetts driver’s license. He followed me without permission.

Now my bullshit sense is starting to tingle. The officer suspects you of breaking and entering, and you think he needs your permission to follow you into a room where knives are being stored somewhere? We're talking about the cop looking around the joint without a search warrant. We're talking about following someone who may or may not have broken into someone's house.

I gave him the 2 IDs and

And get ready, children!

I demanded to know his name and badge number.

Okay, why the FUCK did Gates demand the cop's name and badge number?! Demand! There was nothing building up to this, and this asshole- who's supposed to be a Harvard professor and should conduct himself with all the dignity of such a title- goes from simple misunderstanding to fucking hate crime in a skip and a hop! And then...

He wouldn’t say anything. He was just very upset and I said, ‘Why are you not responding to me? Are you not responding to me because you’re a white officer and I’m a black man?’ ”

He makes it about race! He, the fucking Harvard professor, makes this shit about race! This asshole is twisting the fucking truth because he is a fucking racist! Yeah, the black guy! I'm white, but I'm not gonna punk out just because spineless sheep are gonna think I'm racist because they think black people are special...which, by the way, is racist! It's bullshit like this that made me stop giving a fuck about caring where or not I look racist. Everyone acts like it's okay for black people to get away with racism, and the only people who call them out on this are racist scumbags! It's fucking bullshit on an epic scale. It's the 21st Century, we have all sorts of nifty tech like touch screens and whatnot, racism should be obsolete. I mean, for God's sake, we're talking about skin pigment! How the fuck does having a tan somehow make you special?

...Just...fuck...

Edit: AND IT GETS STUPIDER. Some big bag of jackass (a Republican, which doesn't surprise me) is demanding a formal apology from the leader of this entire country we live in, but that's not the bad part. I stand by what I said about Gates being racist, but get this: Crowley is a lying liar motherfucker. Yeah, apparently, Gates did nothing at all that was arrest worthy. Maybe he acted like a jackass, but the only real crime here was apparently false arrest.

...Jesus! Just...butthole fucking Jesus! Okay, so I've seen enough asshole cop videos to know that this might not be about race but about the corrupting influence of power (or the illusion of it), but...this takes my breath away. Is it really asking too much that, at the very least, a white cop can arrest a black person without race having anything to do with it? I'm not going to ask that cops not go on power trips because they get pea shooters and shiny pieces of tin, but...

...Oh, just what the fuck ever. I got better things to do with my life than waste time on this idiocy.

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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For some reason, someone felt the need to re-re-re-re-re-re-release Duke Nukem 3D. No, that's not the stupidest shit. Nor is IGN reviewing what is essentially- no, LITERALLY- the same damn game any real gamer (i.e. anyone that plays anything other than Halo 3, Call of Duty, and Guitar Hero) has played a million times now. No, the stupidest shit I've ever seen or heard are these spoiled little fucks bashing the games we grew up with! Bashing games that didn't hold your fucking hand, didn't have analog controls (which makes the controls terrible, and excuses you being a complete fucking retard who's overwhelming by stuff like "forward" and "backward" buttons), didn't have generic graphics that made every game- no matter who it was made by- look exactly the fucking same, didn't have terrible voice overs for every single character and every single word of dialogue, didn't have so-called "moral decisions" (I'm looking at you, inFamous), didn't make you look at your character's back the whole fucking time (because practically and blandness must always trump presentation), weren't half-assed vechiles for movies/anime/cocky balls bullshit at least 75% of the time, didn't bend over backwards to appeal to spoiled rotten teenie bopper motherfuckers who are now going to grow into emotionally stunted adults incapable of ever having a meaningful relationship with another human being ("Yoo luv me?! LULZ! YU IZ AH GHEY FAGOT! GE-TE-FOE!"), and were actually fucking fun!

And hey, y'know what I just figured out? Multiplayer's probably so big because it lets you player the game without all that pesky "having to get better in order to beat it" nonsense. Modern gamers can stroke their precious little egos as they beat people who are even worse at playing video games than them, like their little brother or their grandma.

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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"Republicans and conservatives believe every voice in America has the right to be heard and all opinions should be taken into consideration. Democrats and Liberals believe all voices should be heard... except conservatives."
-Wess25, on what I like to call either the "Sellout" episode or the "Watch the Conservative Monkeys Dance S'more!" episode of Family Guy

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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More from that IGN article on said episode:

"You can get anyone to do a guest appearance on Family Guy simply because it's so popular. It's only a matter of time before they get Bush and/or Obama. Hell, they got Bob Barker and HUGH-FUCKING-HEFNER. If Matt Groening had approached these guys, they would've said, "No thanks, I don't have time for cartoons." You stiff-ass Simpsons fanatics can suck my cock. Homer's time is done. Viva La Peter! You think it's low-brow humor? Maybe so, but it works. I don't want some stale humor done by smug hacks who think so highly of themselves, I want to laugh. And that's why Family Guy has taken over. 'Nuff said."
-StarwindAmada

Uh, no. Mother of fucking God, this idiot confused Family Guy with- get this- The Simpsons*! And they did it because The Simpsons is a genuine sitcom while Family Guy has degenerated from being a Simpsons sidekick into being a platform (I'm saying it again) insincere, feel-gooder yuppy left wingers who don't know shit about any serious issues...in addition to a bunch of random, unfunny sketches that only serve as filler because Macfarlane and his hack writers don't know how to fill the timeslot any other way.

...I'm actually taking shots at liberals. So this is what it feels like to balance the universe out.

*Edit: My bad. I confused Bob Barker with Johnny Carson. Still, The Simpsons has had a fuckload of celebrities! Way more than Family Guy!

-Tabris
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"Oh that's a load of bull. Fox cartoons have always been incredibly one-sided and liberal, and it's not going to change. They don't allow them to be conservative. They'd probably get fired. I mean, a controversial cartoon actually being right about politics? Unheard of. That would be like IGN giving an un-bribed review of a Madden game. It's not going to happen."
-jrv2005

Oh, how the irony cup overflowth! I mean, good lord, Fox News is right wing extremist propoganda, and as always the case with review bribery accusasions, reality flies directly in it's face. Madden NFL 10 received a 7.9 from IGN.

That used to be a rather good score, actually, back when we didn't wallow in an intellectual dark age...

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Tabris Macbeth
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Let's continue milking this mad cow, girls!

"Technically, there are more Conservitives in this country than Liberals, so someone should make a show more Conservative oriented. Too bad they took off King of the Hill, if that show got a more daring writer, like one who would openly make fun of Obama, then that show would be just as good as Family Guy, or better. It would be like: Family Guy for the Democrat viewers; King of the Hill for the Republican viewers."
-some dumb fuck whose name I'm not even bothering to look up

...Yeah. Next.

"Only 20% of American's are liberals and yet they seem to be running everything--it's due to the high amount of vain and selfish sell outs (e.g. Brad Pitt, George Clooney) who make it into the Boys Club in Hollywood. McFarlane's stuff can be funny, but it's amazingly lopsided and tired after a while. The reason South Park is so funny, would be the fact that they lampoon EVERYONE, not just conservatives."
-Counterfeitmanjako

Not even touching this "liberals running everything" crap (or how these vain and selfish know-nothings are "sell outs" or how this jackass apparently doesn't know what a "Boys Club" is), way to parrot the official South Park bullshit line! If you actually take a look at the more recent episodes and can look past all the <ahem> "offensiveness", you'll see South Park is actually more right leaning. Not "conservative" right, mind you, I mean "global warming is a lie and Al Gore is a kook" right.

-Tabris
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Sweet Raven
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Yeah, that's the reason why South Park is so "funny": It acts like a friendless asshole. That's also the only thing they ever do.

Something else to note: I don't think they ever made fun of any conservatives. Not only did they never dare make fun of Bush, but during that Family Guy two parter (which, for me, was like watching a giant cobra fighting an anaconda), he was competent and defended the Constitution.

Yeah. Zing.
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"The Nexus of Politics and Terror". Do I really have to say ANYTHING else? Other than "I called it" or "I told ya so"? Thank God the Bush-Cheney Administation was so breathtakingly incompetent or else we'd have a "president for life" right now.

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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You know where I just say the words "Millionaire Munhunt"? No, not in any text-based medium. TV FUCKING GUIDE CHANNEL! A goddamn TV channel actually couldn't be bothered to spell a simple word right, much less spellcheck the fucking thing! Even Fox News wouldn't fuck up this bad unintentionally!

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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So, anyone hear about this ad some Brazilian company or some such thing made for the WWF? The one that shows 9/11 times a hundred and says if you don't drive a hybrid, then a hurricane's a-comin'? Yeah, here's what some dumb, thoughtless bitch honest-to-goodness said:

I disagree. How can fact ever be tasteless? It happened. These are the ratios. That is it.

I think the message is clear and the visual is very powerful. Good combo.


Fuck you, you dumb cunt. No one's offended by the fact that more people died in the tsunami than in 9/11 and the message is bullshit! The message, by the way, is this:

The tsunami killed 100 times more people than 9/11. The planet is brutally powerful. Respect it. Preserve it.

No. Sorting your cans and bottles will do nothing to stop a natural disaster, you stupid shit. Fuck you, get cancer, get AIDS, and get 9/11-ed.

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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Well, the epic retardation has really been piling up in my absence, huh? But rather than dig through the shit pile, let's go with this fresh turd from...sigh..."JOHN_LOCKE" at IGN, showing off just how dumb the modern fan is nowadays:

"i am getting this game (generic tower defense game with South Park theme) as it looks good and is SP. could not care less what this guy has to say about it."

So, I'm guess you're not named after English philosopher. Anyway, it's this exact attitude that helping to cheapen the culture of entertainment. This loser is saying he really will buy any piece of shit so long as it has the name of whatever trivial thing he's mindlessly devoted himself to. It's stupid shit like this that makes undeserving garbage successful and inspires companies to never try anything new and retread the same tired thing again and again.

This guy is not a fan. This guy is a living corporate jerk off fantasy. And that is what our culture has devolved into, isn't it?

-Tabris
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People have wonder, and even expressed disappointment, that the mediocre new Saw game doesn't have multiplayer.

Nothing anyone will ever saw now and forever will ever qualify more for this thread.
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Tabris Macbeth
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Well, you got me there. But there's something I almost reluctantly want to talk about: The Nobel Peace Prize being given to someone who hasn't accomplished anything yet. Who is that? OBAMA! Yeah, it's really neat that a interracial dude with a super foreign name became president, but is that really an accomplishment? Or, and I like the sound of this one, not being Bush? Wow. That's like giving the prize to whoever ran Germany after WWII just for not being Hit...oh, right. I can't compare anyone to Hitler anymore, he's been so cheapened. Thanks for that, people. Thanks for ruining Hitler.

Oh, and a wacky note to end on: right wing extremists (or as most know them, Republicans and conservatives) are on the same side with the Taliban. No wait! That's not the good part! The Taliban said Obama should get the Nobel Prize for...wait for it...VIOLENCE! Hur hur hur! Get it?!

-Tabris
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http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33266425/ns/us...tion/?GT1=43001

This just in! People a long, long time ago didn't live up to our moral standards! Mutha fuckin' GASP!

Yeah, because Columbus might have been a...whatever the fuck he's being accused of (a guy who made two different cultures aware of each other?)...his accomplishments mean jack shit and he needs to be demonized post haste.

-Tabris
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Dude, gotta check this out:

http://www.thegrio.com/2009/10/in-the-era-of-obama.php

It's about black Barbies, and...I'm not making this shit up..."they have 'authentic looking' facial features such as 'fuller lips, a wider nose, more distinctive cheek bones and curlier hair'". And the editor wishes they made Barbies with 'fros. Y'know, 'cus if they have straight hair, them bitches are betraying their proud Nubian sistas! They might even date a non-black person and taint their proud Nubian bloodline!

Gawd, I love the racist lawlz. :lol:

~Cheshire Cat Syndrome~
"God, Ganguro girls creep me out. They look like some kind of unholy racist clown whores."
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Utah Chan
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Tabby-Sama's Yandere Child Bride
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"A line of black ONLY dolls with "fuller lips, a wider nose, more distinctive cheek bones and curlier hair"? And the guys crackin' racist lulz are the bad guys here? They're only pointing out the obvious. I'm surprised they didn't go the racist nine yards with these dolls and go with "S.I.S.T.A." as the acronym.

By the way, if you're making a big deal out of the skin color of a stupid doll, news flash: You're a racist. Doesn't matter if you're black. You're still a racist, and you're helping to drag us all down just as much as any proud KKK member.

-Tabris"


TABBY SLAP! *emobravo*

-Utah-chan!
You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're bleeding.
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Yum Yum Bunny
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So, it's okay if their bodies are grotesquely inhuman, but you gotta nail the facial features!

...I'd like to add me and Neko are devote Barbie girls, yet neither of us ever strived for micro-waists or nippleless boobs. You know why? Because they were just dolls, and no child on Earth is so dumb as to think that dolls are something we should strive to physically be like and not just things to play with. (Well, there was Dr. Barbie, but the most I did was put on a doctor's coat and wrap stuffed animals in gauze wrap.)
Lord, beer me strength.
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