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The Stupidest Shit I've Ever Seen or Heard; A fine collection of dumbassery
Topic Started: Jun 18 2009, 06:15 PM (5,602 Views)
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I heard Heroes recently trotted out pretend lesbians for ratings...no, that's not what infuriates me...well, not the only thing...ANYWAY, this comment someone wrote on some TV.com or something is what really got my goat:

"I think its cool that Claire is kissing a girl...but not so cool that so many people are irritated about it. Even if NBC is desperate for higher ratings, there's nothing wrong with that. If you owned a business you would do things to boost sales. Same principle. Besides, nearly every guy out there enjoys seeing to girls get it on. And so what if Claire hasn't shown her bi or lesbian side before, anyone can be curious and people's sexuality can change."
GlenSutton

So, in the span of one comment; No one should have business ethics, all men are pigs, and you chose to be gay!
Lord, beer me strength.
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Chesire Cat Syndrome
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I just realized something. How can we talk about stupid shit without mentioning Godlimations?

http://godlimations.newgrounds.com/

I've been meaning to publically point and laugh at this for the longest time. See, the deal is that this guy got sick of all these secular types not shoe horning Christianity into every fucking thing ever, so...TA-DA! You have this dude who makes surprisingly good flash games...that shoe horn in Christianity. And he makes a lot of horror games that have nothing to do with Christianity in any way, shape, or form! Seriously, dude! He just throws in Christian crap completely at random, and it looks fucking ridiculous!

So, I remembered about this because I checked out this game:

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/504266

The warning says "+13" even though it has an "M" rating, but that's not the funny part. The funny part is that part of the warning is about how the game is "based on a prophetically true event in the book of revelations (sic)", then goes on to tell that it has good Christian stuff like swearing and gore.

Jesus fucking Christ, Christians crack me up! *emopope*

~Cheshire Cat Syndrome~
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Girl Chaser Meiko
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I don't get mad very often (hence why I've been so absent recently), we've all heard about this "balloon boy" thing? It was a hoax! A fricking hoax! An airport was shut down, police were involved, and all because these despicable people are trying to get a reality show.

My God, people, is this really what our culture has become?

~Meiko
I am Girl Chaser Meiko! Defender of- Oh, who am I kidding? I'm a young cat lady.
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Ooooooh! The cat lady is showing her claws a little...sex-ahy... *emoinlove*

~Cheshire Cat Syndrome~
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Tabris Macbeth
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I'm sure Meiko's all flustered over that, but it'll just have to take a backseat to this latest piece of bullshit the fine ol' U-S of America:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,569379,00.html

Police- from Texas, of course- have been issuing tickets for not speaking English (or, let's not lie to ourselves here, American), the language of the one true lord Jesus Christ. Yes, Mr. Kunkle, two languages is very diverse, isn't it? I'm sure...WHOA! Hold up! Where's this from?! Wait, wait...

...FOX NEWS?! Are you fucking kidding me?! Lemme read that title again..."Dallas Police Improperly Cite Drivers for Not Speaking English"! Holy crap-shit! "Fair &", indeed!

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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God give me strength, I actually checked out Game FAQs to look for new info on Silent Hill: Shattered Memories, and...ugh. Some guy defended the new icy Otherworld (which, to my shock, actually seems to be looking good), but not before saying the Norse underworld was frozen (though honestly, I can't confirm jack diddy on this) and proved he never played Silent Hill 2 by very incorrectly saying that all the characters had their own Otherworlds. Very, very fucking incorrectly. Yeah, ya remember what one of the big complains was with us real Silent Hill fans when this piece of crap first came out? Very little Otherworld! You made few trips to the Otherworld in Silent Hill 2, it was very tame by comparison to Silent Hill 1, and honestly, you could barely tell the difference between the two realities!

Mother of fuck, people, do a little goddamn research before you open your mouth!

Edit: Oh, and some retard had a retard fit over the fact that you might actually have to go into the options to turn on the "subtitles" (which are actually called "captions" in this case). RETARD SMASH!

Edit 2: And in that thread, some PC asshole is whining about how Konami should bend over backwards for deaf people. I hate audio puzzles too, but...Jesus.

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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Okay, I have no one to tell this to, so I'm just saying it here.

Since until that you-know-what comes in, it's in my best interest not to completely cut myself off from my mother, as much as I fucking loathe her. Here's one of the many examples: While she was rambling on to me as I very clearly wasn't listening, she said she heard Obama or some was trying to outlaw the color black...y'know, 'cus it's racist. Oh, no, no, no! That's not the stupid thing! See, what compelled me to talk about this is this: She actually believed it. Not even those tools at Fox News would have probably believed it, nor the sheep who watch them!

I don't like talking about family matters, but I cannot keep silent about this bit of profound stupidity from someone I share half of my DNA with. Yeah, there's a peek into the piece of human garbage who actually thought they could control my life and my thoughts. Jesus Christ, people this dumb need to be round up into death camps and shot.

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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Swear to God, these IGN readers are gonna make me put a bullet in...well, someone's brain.

There's this article about how Microsoft's getting real dickish about piracy (which it admits is a small problem, which makes you wonder why they're bothering if this isn't entirely about greed), and what are the vast majority of comments? A bunch of kiddy retards thumping their chests about how piracy is bad. Yeah, let's see how law abidding these little shits are when someone tells them watching Naruto Puppy Molester (OLD JOKE SURPRISE ATTACK!) and listening to most songs on YouTube is, in fact, piracy. And let's see how willing their to shell out their own money for stuff Mommy and Daddy aren't paying for.

Here's hopin' me maties find a way around Microsoft's modhunt.

...Oh, and while I'm here, Pat Boone's a fucktard. Someone get on that.

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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...Fuck, fuck, fuck...

"Suddenly, it's ok to execute terrorists as a civilian in a countless number of shooters, but not ok to execute civilians as a terrorist in Modern Warefare 2? Oh, that's right, there's nothing wrong with killing people. We've been able to kill people in video games since 1991. Of course, we were always playing as America vs. the Aliens, Nazis, or Japanese Red Army. Never the other way around. Hmmm... would it help you feel better if the terrorist wore an easter bunny costume while killing civilians? Everybody loves the Easter Bunny! And we can tell all the kids that someone stole his Eggs, and he was just trying to get them back! But the bad guys didn't listen, so he had to pull a Jackhawk 9000 shapped carrot out of his C4-rigged Easter Basket and start dropping fools so he could get them back, and deliver them to all the little boys and girls on Easter morning!

Hooray for Democracy"

-Sanzee, here:

http://games.ign.com/articles/104/1041049p1.html

And there's some sociopathic dipshit there I'm not even going to dignify with a response. Sure, it could be a joke, but if it is, it falls fucking flat. But if that was a joke, then a lot of other horrible things have to be just bad jokes, but I don't see anyone laughing.

Anyway, unsurprisingly, a good deal of emotionally crippled brats missed the point of this editorial entirely. The crowning moment of retardation is up there and total fucking ignorance is right up there. Nevermind that it looks like rambling nonsense. Killing people in games started in 1991? Really? Not including anyone driving a vechile or anyone just getting beat up, including people definitely getting killed by players, let's make our asses a list:

Robocop: 1989
Rush 'n Attack: 1987
Commando: 1986
Ikari Warriors: 1986 (JP)
Rambo: 1987 (JP)

And that's just a random handful of NES games I know had human enemies. So, yeah. You fail video game history forever, pal.

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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The American public has voted to take away people's rights in Maine because boys kissing each other is icky. Fuck America and every shitsack bigot here. I sincerely mean it when I say may they all be sodomized until they fucking bleed.

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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I have some things to say about that hate mongering piece of trash that is the latest episode of South Park (preview: black people are special, but to hell with the AIDS-carrying buttfuckers!), but two things: One, I should watch the episode before going on about this. And two, as bad as that shit was, I just saw garbage that definitely eclipsed this: Along with the typical self-parodying nonsense the Repu- Oh, fuck it! Let's call them what they are. Along with the typical self-parodying nonsense of a group of morally bankrupt, hopelessly idiotic bigots (who just happen call themselves the Republican Party), they showed a mass grave from a concentration camp. Yeah, the Nazi kind of concentration camp...if there are any other kinds of concentration camps. And in case you don't believe me:

http://www.alternet.org/blogs/peek/143761/...chele_bachmann/
http://liberal-sugar.tressugar.com/6049606
http://www.injuryboard.com/national-news/p...googleid=274010
http://yourspinzone.ning.com/profiles/blog...teabagger-rally

And etc. Just how fucking vile is this shit? I think I've made it abundantly clear that I'm a murderous, embittered misanthrope, and even I'm offended by this garbage.

If by some miracle there's anyone reading this, post Bachmann's email address, real life address, whatever. Then, since she seems none too bothered by genocide, send her the sickest shit you can find. Raid Guro Chan, Google up mass grave pics, whatever. She wants to exploit this sorta thing? Then let's give the bitch some goddamn material!

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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I've been about to go critical for a few days now, so I desperately need something to calm my ass down. Lucky for me, I found something to explore the lighter side of hate with:

http://xbox360.ign.com/articles/104/1042415p1.html

Hypebuster! Yeah! Just like the good ol' days when IGN had the balls to call out major games on their shit, like Prince of Persia: Warrior Within! Go, IGN! Take the wind out of the sails of...Bayonetta? Seriously? Well...sure, okay, let's go with it. So...wait, what's this:

Fan Concern:

Bayonetta on Xbox 360 scored 40/40 in Famitsu... is this really a perfect game?

Hypebuster Answer:

No. Not by a long shot, but just because four editors all gave it 10/10 isn't saying it's perfect. No game, after all, will ever be perfect.


...Seriously?! Okay, ignoring that that's a completely perfect score from a publication that's only given out twelve perfect scores in the entirety of its existence (as opposed IGN's 28!), why the fuck did boring hack editor Cam Shea feel the need to point out that nothing can ever truly be "perfect"?

That oughtta set the mood for the rest of the bland, un-bustery article. It's lousy lame. One reader pointed out pretty damned well that this sounds like someone trying to sell the game rather than try to bring it down to earth. Yeah, in addition to being painfully lame, it does nothing at all to bust the hype!

Unsurprisingly, there were retards in the comments section supporting this "a perfect score isn't literally perfect" (and we should always take everything fucking literally) nonsense, in addition to the usual PS3 pots calling the 360 kettles black. Seriously, kiddies, it's the exact same system and this shit was old when it first started.

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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Oh, what the crap? Let's talk about Fort Hood here.

So, the guy with the Muslim-y sounding name that shot up the place? He was a counselor, so he might have snapped because of all the horror stories he heard (and naturally, the monster that the right wing has turned into says emotions are poppycock). Makes sense. But gosh, didn't I give another case with a non-Caucasian the benefit of a doubt only to later find out that it was racism ahoy?

...So yeah, apparently the guy really was some extremist asshole. Some extremist asshole that worked for the military. That they were going to send fight other extremist assholes. APPARENTLY. I'm sorry and disgusted to say that it's in my nature to give everyone the benefit of a doubt, so they can later betray any sympathy I felt for them.

...So yeah again, every racist, xenophobic word of what people are saying is dead-on true, isn't it? Of course, it is...

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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This just in: All stereotypes are true. Haven't talked to the gunman myself, but who the fuck are we kidding? (By the way, this guy did shoot up the joint, right? There are witnesses, he had a fucking gun, all that? Then, Chris Matthews, HE FUCKING DID IT.)

Okay, could talk about my mother again...but that pathetic sack of shit isn't worth mentioning. This gem, on the other hand, is:

"I'm a Glenn Beck fan and I thought the episode was funny. I knew what Isler was going to say before reading the review because liberals are easy to read. By the way the Daily Show is propaganda just as much as Beck."
-whitey11177

From this, which is fantastic source of white hate and proof that Stone and Parker are right wing assholes (Seriously, read these comments! 9 of 10 South Park fans are also apparently Glenn Beck fans! This is some surreal shit, man!):

http://tv.ign.com/articles/104/1044572c.html

Oh, and whoever's reviewing South Park is a dirty socialist hippy. Y'know, 'cus he didn't give it a 10.

Okay, first, BAH BAH! And second, either this sheep is saying that The Daily Show is a totally legitimate "fake" news program (I don't know why they bother still calling it "fake") or...wait for it...Glenn Beck is propaganda!

...Is it just me, or is time for the human race to just die off already? Jesus...

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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Oh snap! How'd I forget this! So, they're trying to try the terrorists behind 9/11...no, not the ones who actually crashed the damned planes...not bin Laden...anyway, they're trying to try these guys in New York City. Obviously, the people of New York aren't exactly unbias on this, so the Republicans are arguing that the terrorists won't get a fair trial in- HOLD UP! Republicans?! Yes, Republicans! Having turned into the party of perfect retardation, the Republicans don't realize that their temper tantrum over not trying terrorists in the city they attacked defends the terrorists!

Just...Jesus...

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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And just to prove the only side I'm on is my own...Jesus freakin' Christ, Chris Matthews. Bowing to the fucking Emperor of Japan- who I'm 99% sure is as much a powerless figurehead as much as the British royal family- has nothing to do with Shintoism. MUTHA FUCKIN' PROOF:

http://gojapan.about.com/cs/etiquetteinjapan/a/bowing.htm

And the Emperor officially stopped being divine in 1946. Duh.

One minute with Google, Matthews! One minute, and bip-zam-zoom, research failure averted!

-Tabris
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Showing respect for a different culture?! Not in my America, pal!

Tabs, do yourself a favor and don't look this crap up on YouTube. We're worried about your blood pressure, dear.
Lord, beer me strength.
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Since Tabs is gonna bust a blood vessel from all the momumentally stupid shit he seems to fucking actively seek out, I'm gonna take the wheel for this one.

So, Something Awful. I've heard of it a bazillion-ass times, but I've never been there. Don't know why, really...until I found out they fucking charge you to be a member on their forums! No, seriously! Check it yourself! And they charge up to thirty bucks for additional shit!

...Fuck me. Dude, every other major website...Christ, every fucking website with a...no, every other fucking forum ever lets people join for free! Hell, posters wouldn't even need to sign up for this place if not for the spam bots we keep getting. There's only one of forum I've ever seen pull this shit, and they'll wave the fee because it's just a trick to weed out spammers and assholes.

Oh, hey, and these forums are FREE, by the way. Go ahead and get yourself a few. Post about how socialism ruins everything or some shit.

~Cheshire Cat Syndrome~
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SomethingAwful

Hey...I got an idea. Let's hide this thread from Tabs. Tell him the world just sorta...went right or something. We tell him the human race isn't populated almost entirely by assholes anymore, and maybe he won't finally break down and go on a spree killing.

...Man, didn't we have a hug thread or something around here somewhere?
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Tabris Macbeth
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Replacing a man's genitals with Bloo (which has been done twice already), not porn. This:

http://rule34.paheal.net/post/view/370171

PORN!

...Jesus, I wish I had less to do with my life just so I could focus fully on fucking narcing on this place to every copyright holder I can find...

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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Oh, this is makes me laugh. So, you think a dumbass liberal yuppy like Angelina Jolie would be mindlessly supportive of Obama, right? Wrong! Yeah, she thinks it's bullshit that he hasn't prosecuted torturers, hasn't done jack shit for gay marriage, is pumping more soldiers into a pointless war- Oh, wait! That's not it at all!

http://www.nationalledger.com/artman/publi...272629211.shtml
http://www.ecanadanow.com/entertainment/20...comment-page-3/

She...oh boy...hate Obama because she thinks he's all about "welfare and handouts", "likes to tax people that actually work for a living" (y'know, rich assholes like you, Miss Jolie), "take their money and then redistribute to his friends though handouts and government giveaways", and...okay, this has gotta be a stealth joke gone horribly wrong...she thinks Obama is a "socialist in disguise".

...Oh, c'mon! Someone's gotta be Rickrollin' the news sites!

-Tabris
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Sweet Raven
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"She doesn’t respect Brad when it comes to politics"

That part made me smile.

My God, look at all the sheep eating this crap up. Why is it all the extremist garbage is loud as hell while anyone with a minute bit of sense is apparently remaining dead quiet?

...Oh right...I need only look at our resident madman, don't I?
"I think it's...holy water. The tingling sensation means it's working."
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Tabris Macbeth
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The title alone says it all:

http://ps3.ign.com/articles/105/1050038p1.html

But let's delve into this shit pile, anyway: This asshole complains about how the PS2 could only play games, DVDs, and music CDs. "Higher development costs means safer games". When they say "safer", I think they mean games that aren't experimental and don't take risks...wait, what?! Wait, this is a joke or something? And the next reason why there shouldn't be new consoles is delayed sequels. And looking through this...what the fuck? Are they trying to make an argument for consoles to downgrade back to PS2 technology or...what? All I'm seeing is a argument for why this current generation fucking sucks. And why is this even being talked about? There's not a whole lot more you can do with games without dusting off virtual reality or making them even more expensive and time consuming to make than they already are. Or, y'know, actually focusing on fucking gameplay.

What the fuck was the point in this? Who the fuck's talking about the Playstation 4 or the XBox 720? Other than all these people who apparently don't understand the technological plateau we're all stuck on?

-Tabris
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Tabris Macbeth
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Jesus...more from IGN...

http://pc.ign.com/articles/104/1049754p1.html

According to commentors, Defense of the Ancients isn't free unless you pirate Warcraft 3. Defense of the Ancients, a map for Warcraft 3, isn't free. A fucking Warcraft 3 map. You have to pay for it...because you're an huge fucking idiot and you deserve to get ripped off.

...Jesus...it's just a fucking Warcraft 3 map, you morons! If you pay actual money for any Warcraft 3 map, I hope you get raped by the AIDS King!

-Tabris
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Sweet Raven
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...AIDS King?

Uh...anyway...the Jesus Diet:

http://www.postchronicle.com/news/original...212270412.shtml

And I thought the Atkins Diet was...oh God...this is so blasphemously dumb, I can't even bring myself to finish this sentence...
"I think it's...holy water. The tingling sensation means it's working."
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