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a simple budding flower; private
Topic Started: Feb 1 2012, 10:15 PM (225 Views)
Nightmare
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dawny misses her night </3
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Her eyes shimmered as the tabby she-cat stared into the gentle waters that lay at the edge of ThunderClan's territory. It was her favourite place to be, for there was enough forestry to cover the lovestruck tabby. Sighing, Cedarleaf placed her head on her paws and stared at her reflection, remembering the days and its events. Their deputy being proven a murdered, four cats in her Clan being exiled for their traitorous ways, finding out that both the ShadowClan medicine cats had gone missing just as the ThunderClan ones had as well, and she had not succeeded in catching a single piece of prey that day. She was so hungry... But she wasn't the only one, no. She wasn't the only cat suffering of hunger that leaf-bare. Her friends were, other apprentices and warriors were... It was near the end if leaf-bare and she knew that if it didn't end soon, the Clan would begin to lose warriors to its icy claws.

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Dottedstar sighed softly, his paws felt entirely too heavy as he lifted one after the other, the pads of his paws were cracked and sore, the icey forest floor had been frozen thanks to the winter season. The ThunderClan leader glanced up momentarily before he glanced back down at his paws and continued on. The entire day had been made worse when he had to exile his brother, his own deputy, from his clan and when others followed, he had not expected that. Dottedstar had yet to pick a new deputy mainly because he didn't want to accept what had happened, even though there was no denying it. Upon coming to a small clearing he spotted Cedarleaf and smiled softly, well at least he was not the only one out here at this time. "Cedarleaf" he greeted, stopping besides the shecat and sitting down, his paws much too heavy to carry themselves any further. "you doing alright?" the leader found himself asking her.
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"I suppose." She responded dully, flicking her tail as she greeted her leader. It was weird, really, to be speaking to him after all that had gone on during the day. She hadn't expected to find him out and about. "Feeling betrayed by Netsky and the others, but fine besides that." Cedarleaf mewed, leaving out the dull pain that still throbbed within her tabby head. If only Netsky had admitted to what he had done...

"How did you find out about Mistpaw's death and your brother being the murderer?" She asked suddenly, not realizing the words were coming from her maw until the sentence was out and stated. Such a bee for brains she was. Turning her head and smiling sheepishly at Dottedstar, Cedarleaf spoke a quick apology softly, cowardly. Something about Dottedstar made her heart flutter, made her never want to hurt him...

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Dottedstar glanced down at his paws quickly and then away, starring off into the forest. He just wanted all of this over, no more hurt and betrayal. He wanted what happened to not have happened, it changed everything he ever knew. Sometimes he wondered if being leader was worth it, but ThunderClan needed him, and he just couldn't abandon them, not at this time anyway. "Tomorrow is a new day." The tom replied, softly.

His ears pricked forward, and he turned his head to look at her when she bluntly asked about how he had found out about such causalities inside of ThunderClan. The tom forced a small smile and shook his head. "Cedarleaf, you're a brave she-cat." He laughed softly before he continued. "One of the apprentices told me and then Mistpaw didn't show up." He meowed. "Netsky was her mentor, he was the last one to see her... well besides the apprentice." He meowed to her. He didn't know too much why but he had taken a small liking to Cedarleaf. She wasn't a coward, and that's what he liked the most. Her words were fair and even, but relaxing to the mind.
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Nodding, Cedarleaf frowned at Dottedstar. "I apologize for bringing that up. It would have been wiser to wait until you felt more comfortable..." She sighed, pushing herself up from her position, turning to face the leader. Her hazel eyes searched his, and something inside her too over and made her step towards him, made her nuzzle him warmly. She couldn't explain why, but she didn't feel bad or shocked. She felt good. "It'll be okay, Dottedstar. It will all work out eventually in the end, even if we as a Clan have a few bumpy paths to travel on the way." The red tabby smiled warmly, her eyes slightly sparkling with delight. It felt good to be so close to the tom-cat, so good to be able to talk to someone she felt like she knew. Not like most others in her Clan that, when she spoke to them, it felt as though they were speaking to each other across a void. It wasn't like that with Dottedstar, no... And she hoped it never would be.
Edited by Nightmare, Feb 2 2012, 03:25 PM.

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Dottedstar was slightly surprised about the nuzzle but he returned it back, just as eagerly and acceptingly as the she-cat had. He didn't feel the need to pull back, but rather let himself relax, truly breathe without feeling as if he was being watched or expected to do something or just... something he didn't want to do. It was nice to relax and Dottedstar didn't want to let go of the feeling of being calm and knowing that somehow things would all work out just fine.

"It's alright." He murmured softly, pressing his fur to hers. Why not, they had already touched noses together and he didn't seem to think that the red tabby she-cat minded all too much. "I hope you're right." He said then, turning to look into her eyes as well. "I hope I didn't make a mistake... I went off hearsay...and well... Mistpaw hadn't been seen." He meowed.

Suddenly, something came to mind then. "How's your head?" He asked curiously, growing slightly angry about what is disgrace of a brother had done to the she-cat he cared for. Although, he would have been mad as well about his other clanmates, but moreso mad that it had been Cedarleaf who had been hit.
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When the tom-cat accepted her nuzzle, a smile twitched on to her maw but was turned to a slight purr when he told her it was okay and pressed himself against her, their fur intertwining as though they were meant to do this. Why she felt so safe around her leader dumbfounded the young warrior, for she really had never felt so close to anyone else. It wasn't just that he was leader that made her feel safe, it was how she felt for him... It was an odd feeling, something she couldn't put to words. All she knew is that every moment spent with him was a moment she wished to last forever.

Listening to him speak, she understood his worries. Going off of the words of another was never something one should do, but at times when it was the only evidence available... It was the only choice. "Perhaps StarClan will tell you of the truth. Maybe an omen will be sent to prove that your words were true, even if they were of hearsay and not cold hard evidence..." She mewed, closing her eyes as she thought of the poor young Mistpaw. How horrible it must have been for the apprentice to be killed by his own mentor... She knew her mentor would never even lain a claw on her, let alone wish to murder her. It disgusted her, confused her and mate no sense as to why Netsky would kill his apprentice and ruin everything he had once had living in ThunderClan. He'd become an enemy to ThunderClan. Turning to Dottedstar, she breathed in his scent. He was so intriguing... His eyes so beautiful to look at. Why did she enjoy this so much?

His question was something that she had not expected, for she had thought he hadn't noticed his foul brother hitting her with his head. It had hurt, oh had it hurt, but it calmed and left her with just a remaining, dull throb in her head as they day went on. "My head is okay, but I feel like I've lost trust in the cats in my Clan... All but you. I fear that I may not be able to trust them as I once had. You saw how some of the exiled warriors rejoiced in the murder and exile of your brother, and I suppose he's their leader now. It... I feel like I can only truly trust you because..." She cut off her words, unable to speak them. Averting her eyes, Cedarleaf wanted to bite her tounge. There was no way she would ever be able to tell Dottedstar of her affection for him, not on a day like that day. It had been full of trauma and horror... But it would bring light to the darkened day. Maybe... "I love you." She said quickly, feeling as though all breath had been sucked from her lungs as she spoke. Fear immediately flooded her. Would he reject her? Oh she was such a fool to mention her feelings for the leader! He was a leader, she was a warrior. She wasn't good for him...


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Dottedstar's eyes glanced up at the sky as she mentioned StarClan sending an omen to him to tell him that it truly had been the truth and not simply a hearsay by another apprentice. Or maybe they wouldn't and he would never truly know the truth about what had happened that day. He had not seen Mistpaw and fear pricked through him, what if they found her body while they were out hunting? What had truly happened to Mistpaw would forever be a mystery, and one he was not certain he wanted to solve.

"Maybe... or maybe not." He murmured softly back, letting his eyes close for a few moments. "Cedarleaf, what if I made a mistake and what if Mistpaw isn't dead?" This was his own brother, and he had exiled him! It hurt much more than he was letting on to anyone. "I... I don't understand why he would do such a thing." Perhaps childhood bullying really had resulted in this?

"What if..." He gasped, eyes widening in fear. "What if Mistpaw's death is my fault." Surely because he bullied Netsky as a kit made the 'perfect' little sense for why his brother murdered his apprentice. Of course, Dottedstar wasn't being completely sane right now, he wasn't thinking right and that much was obvious. He was trying too hard to figure out the truth, to make everything go back to the way it was in the past. Where Mistpaw was still alive and where Netsky, his brother, was still his Deputy and ThunderClan never had anything to worry about.

When Cedarleaf mentioned trust his heart stopped a little bit and he frowned. "Cedarleaf." he murmured , nudging her gently. "You should feel safe inside ThunderClan... this is your home... our home." The tom meowed. He didn't want her to feel like she couldn't trust any of them but him, sure he was flattered she put so much trust him in, even Dottedstar felt himself trusting heavily in the she-cat.

Then... then she spoke three beautiful, yet simple words. Dottedstar had never had anyone tell him those before, sure his mother and father had but that was different. This was different. This was new, and special and scary and amazing. He had never done this before but was more than willing to.

He didn't know if this was what love was all about. The butterfly crazy feelings, the feeling of being secure and knowing that you always would have someone there so you could rely on. This must have been it. He didn't know why or how, but he wasn't going to question it. "Cedarleaf... I love you too." The leader meowed back. She was perfect, everything he could ever imagine.
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Cedarleaf watched him lift his head to stare at the beauty of Silverpelt, and she followed his gaze, staring at the beauty and the pure innocence she saw within the land of StarClan. Part of her wanted to beg StarClan to send an omen, to prove to the handsome tom-cat that his judgement had been rightly placed and hadn't just been a fools idea. Her thoughts travelled to Mistpaw then, and she frowned at the thought. Had he been killed quickly, or had Netsky tortured him before finally killing him? Or was it true what Netsky had said, and the apprentice had not told a soul that he was leaving with the missing Medicine Cats? If only StarClan would tell the Clan of where Mistpaw was, and if he was alive or if his corpse lay far from the Clans territory, dead and never to be found.

Her eyes searched his as he fretted, and nothing made her more sad to see him the way he was. He doubted his decision, and it made her feel like he doubted himself. She understood why the tom-cat doubted his actions, and though she herself would have travelled a different path and demanded not words, but cold, hard proof, she understood. She had trusted Netsky as much as he, but never had the she-cat thought of him to be a pure-hearted cat. His kindness and the trust he had earned had turned out to be hiding the darkness that had became a dweller within his darkened, cowardly heart.

Moments passed before she heard his words, and she glared at him, her pelt bristling in rage. "Are you a fool, Dottedstar? You are not the reason behind the apprentices slaying and you know that, deep in your heart you know you are not the reason he is dead!" She hissed, enraged that he was so foolish to think of such a thing. "Siblings bully each other, Netsky just wanted to play you like he played the Clan. He wanted you to believe his false innocence, now just stop. It's not your fault and that is final."

A couple moments passed, and his response made her heart flutter. He loved her as she loved him, and that was all she could truly ask for. For him to care for her and for him to be there for her when she needed him, just as she would always be there for him when she was needed. Her stomach flitted with a butterfly like feeling, and she continued walking beside him before something inside her make her press close to him, make her want more of him then any cat had ever had. Stopping, the she-cat smiled and stared at the tom-cat with her hazel eyes. "Dottedstar..." She purred, letting her instincts take over as she pressed close to the ground and sprayed a scent that would attract most tom-cats. Purring, Cedarleaf stared at him and waited for him to let his instincts take over like she had. She had no idea why it was she wanted to mate, but she did and she assumed that it meant she'd gone into heat not long after confessing her love to him.

It was funny how things worked like that some days.

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Dottedstar's eyes widened as she practically yelled at him in anger for blaming himself. Ears flattening against his head, he glanced away. Maybe he was a mouse-brained idiot, but he was only trying to somehow find a way that his brother truly hadn't murdered his apprentice. He knew only StarClan knew but he couldn't very well just... ask. Things didn't work that way, and he had to wonder if he had made the right decision.

"I'm sorry." He murmured faintly. "I just... He's my brother... I didn't want to do it... but I had to." The blue tom meowed in response, sighing softly. "I loved him, like any sibling would." And that was the truth, regardless of sibling bullying as a kit, Netsky was family. The only family that Dottedstar had left now.

"I feel... alone, Cedarleaf." He murmured softly, he felt weak but that wasn't what he wanted, he knew he had to be strong for her, for ThunderClan, for himself. But it was so easy to just let his guard down when he was around Cedarleaf. It came naturally to him.

"W-what are you..." Dottedstar meowed at first, watching her, but he had felt it too, a strong yearning for the she-cat deep down inside. This was all very new to him but Dottedstar was sure this was everything he wanted and more. To connect in a much more deeper understanding.

He would have a family! He wouldn't be alone anymore, he could show his future kits everything about ThunderClan and more, and he would be a very proud father. And as such, the ThunderClan Leader, let instinct take over and padded closer to the she-cat, quickly mounting her and holding her in position for several moments, before he leaped back off, and nuzzling her gently.

Dottedstar regretted none of this. He couldn't wait for the future. Cedarleaf was a shining star, the one that guided him home and made him realize it was all still very much worth it. His prize possession. "You... my dear, are a piece of beautiful art." He murmured softly and licked her cheek.
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Watching his eyes widen as she yelled at him, she suddenly regretted her actions and reached over to nuzzle him. Yelling at him was something she shouldn't have done, but she so desperately wanted him to see that his decision was a proper one, and Mistpaw's murder had not been her fault. Everyone in the Clan had known that Mistpaw and Netsky had never gotten along, or at least she assumed almost everyone had seen the distaste between the Deputy and the new apprentice.

"I understand he is your brother, Dottedstar, but he had no right to murder his apprentice. You had to do it, even if you didn't want to. Exiling any cat, let alone a family member, is never something a leader wants to do." She mewed, her voice sighing as she spoke. Listening to him speak of his love for her brother-in-law, the she-cat felt a slight rage with herself. If only she could have loved Netsky as a brother, if only she could truly see how he felt. Her brother had died, and her sister had gone and had kits with her prior mate while she was still with him. She didn't remember what it was like to have a sibling love her.

"Sweet Dottedstar, don't feel that way. You have me, you have your Clan to love and protect you. Always." She purred, pressing her red fur with his blue mink, feeling his body against hers made her feel safe. It made her able to let her guard down, for she knew he would protect as she would protect him.

As he mounted her, she felt happy...

-fade

The pain shooting through the red tabby she-cats body was emensce, and she couldn't help but wail in pain as she flipped and rolled around in agony, waiting for the pain to subside. And, when the pain finally subsided, she took to her paws and smiled at Dottedstar. "I love you, Dottedstar. Forever." Purred the red warrior, nuzzling him with her hazel eyes shut tight and heart fluttering in delight. Though it wasn't certain, the she-cat knew that some day she would have kits with this tom-cat. Maybe in two moons, maybe in a year, but whenever it happened she was sure that the kits would be loved and cared for with true pure-blood ThunderClan parents. They wouldn't suffer like her first litter had. They wouldn't be abandoned like Ashpaw or forced and murdered like Shinepaw. They wouldn't be lied to like Nightclaw. They would be the kits Ashpaw, Shinepaw and Nightclaw were supposed to be...

Tears welled in her eyes, and she couldn't help but turn away from Dottedstar as she remembered that night so long ago, when Oakflame had told her of her pregnancy, when Reedclaw had admitted to his affair with his apprentice... When her mother killed herself. All because of what was supposed to have been love. Thankfully, though, she knew that her love for Dottedstar was true, as she prayed to StarClan and knew deep inside that his love for her matched hers.

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Dottedstar nodded his head slowly back in return. What was done was done and even if he truly wished to undo it, there was simply no way to. Netsky had turned traitor, murdered his apprentice, changed his name and then told him that he would ultimately regret what he had done. A little sense of anger sparked in him. How one brother could hate another so much, he would never understand. His family life and childhood was likely not as deep or bad as Cedarleaf's was, since he didn't know her entire history much but his was turning sour pretty quickly.

So he did have Cedarleaf, together they were family and he never wanted to lose that connection. He would always hold just a little doubt in his mind that Netsky hadn't killed Mistpaw and that the medicine cats hadn't disappeared, that Mistpaw didn't go with them, disregarding the ShadowClan Medicine Cats words that they had not. life in the Clan could get pretty twisted up if you weren't directly involved, and sometimes even then it did. To an outsider, this would be a maze you just couldn't find the exit to.

Although, he also had ThunderClan, the Leader did not trust it as much as he trusted Cedarleaf. Perhaps if he made one wrong mistake, who's to say they wouldn't drive him out, make Netsky, er, Sebastian come back and take over. Who's to say they might be secretly planning out his murder. He hated to think this stuff about his Clan, but the possibilities were endless, and the blue mink tabby knew he would drive himself crazy if he kept at it like this. Sighing, he closed his eyes and dropped it.

"And, I, you." Dottedstar found himself saying in response to her declaration of love to him. Dottedstar hadn't expected to find love, not after all that had happened in his life, all of these recent events had almost made Dottedstar believe he could not care too hard for fear that it would only turn against him in the future. Sadly, it all led back to Netsky. He needed desperately to shove it in the past, there was simply no way he could continue to obsess over whether or not he did the wrong thing. His Clan believed he had done right, and by StarClan, he knew, somewhere, that he had done right too. Regardless of the results of the ordeal.

When Cedarleaf turned away, the air turned from love, to confusion and sadness. "Cedarleaf?" Dottedstar meowed, unsure, as he pressed closer towards her, pressing his nose into her shoulder. "Cedarleaf, what's wrong?" Asked the blue mink tabby. He had never knew he could care this much for someone, until Cedarleaf came along and changed everything. "Why are you sad?" He meowed. Surely he hadn't done anything wrong, everything that had happened was consensual. They had both wanted it, so the tom stood there, pressed by her side, wondering curiously, and filled with confusion as to why his new mate wasn't happy now.
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"I've never told you of my past, about the kits I had and what happened to them. About my mate who betrayed me and my mother who killed herself or any of it..." She whispered, keeping her eyes locked on her paws. Her life had been great as a kit and through most of her apprenticeship, but near the end when she discovered her fathers affair with his apprentice and his best friends affair with her and her two sisters, her life had died. Her mother had killed herself when she discovered of her fathers affair with Petaldance, and Thrushpaw had died kitting and two of her kits had been born dead, while her sister had two litters with Cedarleaf's first mate. Her kits she'd given up and Ashpaw had drowned, while Shinepaw had been forced and beaten to death, while her son had been raised without a family to support him. Her mate had named his kit after her to show her he still loved her, and she'd died in her first battle as a warrior. And Cedarleaf still held the guilt that her apprentice's death had been at her paws. Just like Ashpaw and Shinepaw's. She'd been a horrible mother, and she couldn't bear being a horrible mother with the litter she would birth in two moons time.

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