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| Moonclan's destiny; book i am writing! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 26 2012, 07:30 PM (113 Views) | |
| Frozen dreams | Apr 26 2012, 07:30 PM Post #1 |
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Starclan guardian
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Ok, it's not the best book anybody has ever written, but I'm proud of it, and i thought up all the names myself (apart from coppertail. Coppertail, i hope you don't mind me using your name. It is just so awesome!) I will give it out bit by bit. PLEASE COMMENT! (it's all hand-written too )Chapter 1 Moonbreeze sat at the edge of her clan's camp. Thunderclan. She was the deputy, but she yearned to be leader. She saw her friend Shimmerfang approach her. "Wish you were leader already?" asked Shimmerfang. Moonbreeze nodded. "How about we make our own clan!" Shimmerfang exclaimed. "What would we call it?" Asked Moonbreeze. "Moonclan, and you can be leader!" Answered Shimmerfang. "Really?Me?" "Yes! We can get warriors at the gathering tonight," Shimmerfang added. Moonbreeze nodded. " it's settled." |
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PM me if you need: Rosaminnie my loner, Honeybrair of thunderclan, or whitewillow of snowclan. May starclan light your path...... unless you're going in the daytime | |
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| ∆∞Melody∞∆ | Apr 26 2012, 09:41 PM Post #2 |
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Cookie flavoured icecream!
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I think it is a great storyline overall so far, I think the plot itself is a bit rushed. I recommend more of a gradual fade instead of just coming up with the clan. Have him have an enemy or something before he leaves, something that provokes enough tension that he literally tears himself away. But that is just me... But yes I Love it though, I look forward to more coming out and will read them ALL. Great Job |
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PM ME FOR ANYTHING, ALTHOUGH I MAY NOT REPLY HEAPS AS I AM SOMETIMES BUSY! Click For Awsome Clan ![]() [/center] Spoiler: click to toggle | |
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| Frozen dreams | Apr 27 2012, 07:47 PM Post #3 |
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Starclan guardian
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actually she's gonna have an enemy
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PM me if you need: Rosaminnie my loner, Honeybrair of thunderclan, or whitewillow of snowclan. May starclan light your path...... unless you're going in the daytime | |
| Offline Profile | Quote ^^^ |
| ∆∞Melody∞∆ | Apr 27 2012, 09:29 PM Post #4 |
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Cookie flavoured icecream!
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PM ME FOR ANYTHING, ALTHOUGH I MAY NOT REPLY HEAPS AS I AM SOMETIMES BUSY! Click For Awsome Clan ![]() [/center] Spoiler: click to toggle | |
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| Frozen dreams | Apr 29 2012, 05:58 PM Post #5 |
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Starclan guardian
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going again! We don't have much time, Moonbreeze thought as she watched the leaders settle down. "you go to windlcan, and i'll try shadowclan." She whispered to shimmerfang, who went off into a group of Windclan cats nodding. Moonbreeze went over to Marshfur, a shadowclan cat she knew. He was proud and competitive, but his fighting skills could be useful to the clan. " Hey, marshfur." she called to him. He ignored her. "look, I'm making this new clan, Moonclan? we're meeting at fourtrees tomorrow at sunhigh." Marshfur looked at her. "Get lost, Moonbreeze." He hissed. ********** Moonbreeze had managed to speak to quite a few cats from shadowclan and windclan before Rushstar, the windclan leader, started to speak. "i managed to talk to some riverclan cats," Shimmerfang whispered to her. "good job," Moonbreeze whispered back. you likey? (guess who the enemy is! xD) |
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PM me if you need: Rosaminnie my loner, Honeybrair of thunderclan, or whitewillow of snowclan. May starclan light your path...... unless you're going in the daytime | |
| Offline Profile | Quote ^^^ |
| ∆∞Melody∞∆ | Apr 30 2012, 01:22 AM Post #6 |
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Cookie flavoured icecream!
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Yeah I like it... Fair decent, well layed out... I conclude as being sought of short stories each time like a small series each time to write it. Which I really like, and it is Marshfur. (BTW Sorry if there is a creater near your place. It was meant to hit tim buck too but apparently that doesn't exsist now maybe if I put more TNT in it will hit Albaqique. lol) |
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PM ME FOR ANYTHING, ALTHOUGH I MAY NOT REPLY HEAPS AS I AM SOMETIMES BUSY! Click For Awsome Clan ![]() [/center] Spoiler: click to toggle | |
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9:25 AM Jul 11