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This is me and ive finished...; Self harm, suicide, rape, cam... bullying.
Topic Started: Oct 13 2012, 11:07 PM (167 Views)
secretpianist
Maddie Marie
Hi... i cant tell you my name incase anyone i know finds this.

I'll call myself Maddie?

My name is Maddie. I was born in 1997 and im nearly 15 now. Trouble began for me in April.

A boy i was close to (guy1) and we were wanting a relationship tore me up... he got photos of his ex girlfriend wearing next to nothing. I was upset, and then he asked me for photos. I wanted to be on the same page as his ex, so i did it. I sent photos. Then, over the next 2 weeks i proceeded to sending over 50 more. I loved him a lot.

More and more stuff happened, and me and him fell out. He blocked me on facebook, skype and kik. He ignored me at school and pretended i didn't exist.

In the mean time i was friends with another guy (guy2). This guy was two or three years older than me. He began to make me give head, hand jobs etc. He fingered me to hurt me. I ended up being raped three times by him. He recorded me and took photos. He sent one to the Guy1, who then proceeded into sending them round my school. I began to self harm. I constantly thought of suicide and had a few attempts. I mainly thought of strangling and hanging.

I was talking to another lad by this time (guy3). Who was helping me through everything, he still is now! Only he took it forward and wanted to do things. I said yes, because i liked him. We had a little bit of fun and that was all. Nothing serious. No sex. Nothing like that. People at school found out. And because they could, and because i was an easy target. I was ed/hated about everyday. At school i could hardly go an hour without someone making comments about me being a slag/sket//hoe/. I went home and cried for hours. Again, i started cutting myself and attemtping suicide. No one from school knows.

I feel so down, depressed, anxious, suicidal, unwanted, hated, unloved.

I cant believe so many people, including my friends put me down and made me and still make me feel worthless.

I feel like Amanda and her video inspired me to cope except. i dont know if i can for much longer. i can scarcely breathe im so scared.

Edited by secretpianist, Oct 13 2012, 11:27 PM.
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lauren
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Hi "Maddie." One school is such a tiny tiny tiny fraction of the people who are going to meet in your life. You are going to meet hundreds of people who will like and love you. Look at all of the people responding to Amanda's death. There is that much potential for making friends with people who arent' like the young, horrible people treating you like that in your school. You have so many options for getting through this. I'm around if you feel like messaging me at all. xoxo
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HeatherM

Maddie, it's not your fault that he raped you, and any videos of your assaults are videos of crimes. I know that rapists tend to get away with it, and that coming forward tends to result in more pain and humiliation for the survivor. I'm not going to tell you what to do about that situation, but I want to make sure that you're not going to blame or take it out on yourself. You're worth more than that, and you haven't done anything wrong. It's OK not to trust anyone right now, but ff you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to send me a message.
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xSorrow_010

Hi Maddie, don't feel bad. It wasn't your fault. Some guys are just jerks. To be honest, guy2 is so much of a jerk than guy1. But yeah, they're both idiots that deserve to be punished.
You went through a lot, so it's understandable why you feel like that. Feel better. You'll meet more people who are like guy3. Someone who wants to help you & be your friend.
There are so many good people out there, maybe it's just your school that has so little of them. Well, having some good friends is better than none! :) I hope good things will happen to you! Cheer up cutiee!

Don't cut yourself, you'll only feel worse!

You're beautiful, & no one can tell you anything else!


Smile more sweetie, stop feeling depressed!! It's not good for your heart ;/. I'm here if ya need me kay? :D
Edited by xSorrow_010, Oct 14 2012, 03:21 AM.
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Ashley
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Walk into school with a huge smile on your face.. Your showing everyone how strong you are. How incredibly Amaing, and how your not giving up. I know School is harsh. But your gunna get through it. Everyone has a prombelm withschool trust me. i Get called ugly A lott.. But Hey god has plans for all of us. Well if you guys need someone to talk to inbox me.? Ill be here for you thick and thinn. #STAY.STRONG
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MamaDaph
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Maddie,
You sadly fell into the trap of wanting to be accepted in ways that are emotional and trusting. You're human, and we thrive on love and affection. I feel so sorry for those that hurt you because karma has a way of coming back around.
What you need to do is step back from all of the chaos going on in your life and concentrate on the most important person in your life, YOU.
Focus on things that make you happy...do you like to sing, draw, cook? You're about the same age as my daughter, she just turned 16 this week. She's been bullied because of her weight and her being bullied makes her angry and lash out. But, she is an amazing artist and involved in art classes at school and sings in the choir.
Before you can share yourself with another in that "way" you need to love yourself, and when you do, you will have boys drawn to you that can see your beauty for who you are, not what they can get from you. I do hope that "guy 3" is a true friend and is helping you through the past experiences you've had, and maybe just keep it as friends for a while til you are sure he will not hurt you too.
~Daph
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Sir Lulz
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Hello Maddie, Welcome to the site :)
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NanouNative

Dear Maddie, I did a lot of things wrong to myself because I loved and wanted to be accepted. I was a teen. Now I am 38. I have two kids. I moved on. My heart goes to you. You did some mistakes, but that's because you didn't know better. People love to criticize so they can feel better about themselves. Stay strong, you are worth a lot more than the ugly words that hit you. Think of something you love, of something you are good at (I am sure you have talents). You have a great heart, your story shows it.
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babydoll122

Go to school Monday & be happy, put on your best clothes, do you hair, ect.. do these things just to show that you are way better then everyone else. They will see that you are way bettter than them. Trust me.
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