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lost in another world
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Topic Started: Oct 14 2012, 03:31 AM (45 Views)
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Suzi A
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Oct 14 2012, 03:31 AM
Post #1
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my names Suzi and im lost. it all started when i was 2 my dad sexually abused me and my brother. when i was 5 my mom kicked him out for abusing me and my brother. my dad was an alcoholic and always started fights with my mom. when i turned 7 i became a foster kid. my mom was mentally ill and couldn't take care of me and my brother anymore. i was heart broken. iv been in 5 foster homes since. it was hard making friends, kids would make fun of me because i was the new kid. i had no friends as a child because i was always moving homes the foster homes i lived in were strict. i couldn't talk to my biological mom for more than two minutes. the last foster home was one of my best friends. i met her when i was 3 years old. her parents took my brother and i in. i felt so alone and didn't know how to handle my feeling soo i cried myself to sleep a lot. iv lived with my best friend for 6 years now, now she more like a sister than a best friend. when i was young my biological mom would call and tell me she was dieing i cried for hours. i thought why was she dieing?. why cant i see her? why did they take me? why cant things be the way they were? today im 16 and suffer from depression. all my life i had to be that rock, that rock that kept everything together but what happens when i cant even keep myself together? iv harmed myself before . iv also thought about suicide. i thought if i were to take my life away one day. would people miss me? would they care? would they even notice i was gone. my foster parents don't understand they call me a bunch of names, talk about me to my friends be hide my back. a few months ago my brother moved out at 171/2 and that broke my heart i didn't know what to say he hated it here. i know if i begged him to stay he would be miserable but i couldn't watch him leave but i had to. i feel that my foster dad is cheating on my foster mom they've become so distance whats going to happen? would i have to choose between the two of them? i have a lot of friends but non of them seem like they actually listen. i have soo many question and don't know who to ask. i don't know how to express my feelings to people so i just keep them hidden i try not to bring myself up in a conversation. I'll always ask how the other persons doing but i wish someone would just ask me how im doing. i just recently lost a very important animal in my life. his name was Jake he was an orange salmon tabby. he was very important to me because he loved me no matter what. he was always there for me when i needed it. he loved me even tho i cut myself even tho im not perfect in school even when i made the biggest mistake in my life. he was there and he still loved me. . . no matter what. now hes gone and i dont tell anyone how much he meant to me because i got to be that rock i cant show the people i love that im in pain and cant handle things. i need them to know that they can believe in someone to be strong at all time. im scared i don't want to take my life away but some times i just feel i'd be happier.
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iwanttohelp
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Oct 14 2012, 04:46 AM
Post #2
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Hey, email me! I'm here to be your friend through all this, and by all means, email me, vent, and I'll give you advice, and support you through this rough time <3
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Aunt Laura
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Oct 14 2012, 05:08 AM
Post #3
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You don't need to be the rock. The bad things that happened are not your fault and you do not have to hold it together for anyone else. Cry on my shoulder if you need to. But right now, I want you to think about me giving you a big hug and you can cry on my shoulder until you're all cried out. I care. Aunt Laura
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