Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Add Reply
  • Pages:
  • 1
my dad died a year ago next month.; i don`t know how to be happy again.
Topic Started: Oct 14 2012, 05:11 AM (152 Views)
br0kenheartedgirl

A year ago next month i lost not only my father, but my bestfriend.
He passed away suddenly, and by suddenly i mean i spoke to him just 15 minutes before he died.
No symptoms, no signs, nothing.
He had an undiagnosed heart condition.
I was the one who found him collapsed in the backyard.
The image of the way he looked will forever be scarred in my mind.
The sounds he made, of my mother & brother screaming, what i thought was a tear rolling down his cheek.
They said he died instantly. I held him in my arms until the ambulance arrived.

Its been almost a year, and i don`t know how im supposed to keep living without him.
I don`t know how to keep smiling. I`ve suffered from depression & self harm for 7 years now.
This is just pushing me towards the edge, and im terrified.
Edited by br0kenheartedgirl, Oct 14 2012, 11:10 PM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
stopthenonsense

I am here for you! If you need to talk don't be afraid or shy, I don't judge! I'm simply here to help<3
Email; stopthenonsense3@gmail.com
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
russ9929

Im sorry for your loss. My close friend just lost her dad 2 weeks ago so i sorta understand what ur going through. If you want to talk im all ears u can inbox me or if u have skype add me russ22999 (skype is better for me if u have it but either way works)
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
purple_star13
Member Avatar
purple_star13
PM me sweetie, loosing someone is the hardest thing ever even when you know it is coming. Those memories are fresh and painful and not the ones you want to remember. Its hard but hurting yourself makes it worse and while he was taken you dont have to be let someone anyone help you.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Palistus

I'm really sorry for your loss... I can't even imagine going through that suddenly, with my dad or heaven forbid my mom who I've lived with for my whole life. It's hard to even think about... I don't know how to cope, but just remember, this was your father. He loved you with his whole heart and more. Would your dad want you to spend all your time grieving over him? No, he'd want you and the rest of your family to move on and be happy!

That said, if you ever need anyone to talk to about him or anything at all, my contact info is in my signature if it helps.

Stay strong, and I hope that you can find happiness soon!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
dontstopbelieving

oh hon I am so so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain this has caused you, and how much you and your whole family are hurting. You will get stronger through this, and there are so many people that can help you and that love you.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
mike

It is so important to remember how much your dad would want you to succeed. How much he want to see you do well in life. That's been his plan your whole life he wants to see you succeed in life and do well. And yes it is very hard to lose a friend or a family member just talk to a soldier they see there friends get torn apart and they can't do any thing about it because if he dies then his friend died for no reason. Give your father that reason, show him what a great person he created. show him how much you will do to keep his legacy on. Show him how strong you really. Because I like to think he is watching and he is hoping you do the very best in life, be strong for him. I have faith you can do it. I have faith you will do it. sometimes we take turns for the worst sometimes for the better but what matters the most is that we are still moving forward. If you need ANY help fee free to email me or message me ,""Email is better"" escelectronic@gmail.com
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
br0kenheartedgirl

I know he would not want me to be sad .. nor would he want me to start cutting again. I have not done it in years .. but since this has happened the urge is getting stronger. Just last week i was at work thinking of where on my body i`d do it because i can`t do it on my wrists anymore .. i already have scars from when i was a teenager & was hospitalized and needed stitches .. my dad saved my life that day. It would break his heart if i started again. That is the only thing that keeps me from doing it .. i`ve resorted to drinking at night because it helps me numb the pain & not cry myself to sleep. which makes me feel even WORSE because my dad hates alcoholism. but i have such bad insomnia now. For the first 6 months i could not close my eyes without seeing him the way i saw him. My mind is just so messed up right now. I hope it gets better, because everyday is a constant struggle. Im always the girl whos smiling and making others smile, but on the inside im screaming and no one can hear me but myself ..
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Palistus

br0kenheartedgirl
Oct 14 2012, 05:24 AM
I know he would not want me to be sad .. nor would he want me to start cutting again. I have not done it in years .. but since this has happened the urge is getting stronger. Just last week i was at work thinking of where on my body i`d do it because i can`t do it on my wrists anymore .. i already have scars from when i was a teenager & was hospitalized and needed stitches .. my dad saved my life that day. It would break his heart if i started again. That is the only thing that keeps me from doing it .. i`ve resorted to drinking at night because it helps me numb the pain & not cry myself to sleep. which makes me feel even WORSE because my dad hates alcoholism. but i have such bad insomnia now. For the first 6 months i could not close my eyes without seeing him the way i saw him. My mind is just so messed up right now. I hope it gets better, because everyday is a constant struggle. Im always the girl whos smiling and making others smile, but on the inside im screaming and no one can hear me but myself ..
In my opinion, you should consider getting therapy and actually attempting to work past this. It's a truly traumatic event, and your feelings aren't just going to go away-- professional help is most likely your best bet to finding happiness at this point, as they're qualified professionals at helping people work past stuff like this.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
purple_star13
Member Avatar
purple_star13
Not cutting in honor of your dad is an amazing step he would be proud. Right now things are dark and you dont know where they end or where you are maybe but there are plenty of people here to listen. Talk to us about anything. PM me loves
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · A CRY OUT · Next Topic »
Add Reply
  • Pages:
  • 1