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| my dad died a year ago next month.; i don`t know how to be happy again. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Oct 14 2012, 05:11 AM (151 Views) | |
| br0kenheartedgirl | Oct 14 2012, 05:11 AM Post #1 |
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A year ago next month i lost not only my father, but my bestfriend. He passed away suddenly, and by suddenly i mean i spoke to him just 15 minutes before he died. No symptoms, no signs, nothing. He had an undiagnosed heart condition. I was the one who found him collapsed in the backyard. The image of the way he looked will forever be scarred in my mind. The sounds he made, of my mother & brother screaming, what i thought was a tear rolling down his cheek. They said he died instantly. I held him in my arms until the ambulance arrived. Its been almost a year, and i don`t know how im supposed to keep living without him. I don`t know how to keep smiling. I`ve suffered from depression & self harm for 7 years now. This is just pushing me towards the edge, and im terrified. Edited by br0kenheartedgirl, Oct 14 2012, 11:10 PM.
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| katelynd | Oct 14 2012, 05:34 AM Post #11 |
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i just lost my dad in july...and i also spsoke to him 15 minutes before it happened. i completely understand what you're going through. there are times when i don't want to be here anymore either. i feel like if he can't be here, then i don't want to be here. but then i think about my mom, and my brothers and sisters, and i just can't put them through a loss like that again. don't do that to yourself and your family. make your dad proud....that is what motivates me now, making my dad proud. just hang in there<3 |
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| Jessica Your Friend | Oct 14 2012, 05:35 AM Post #12 |
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Loosing someone is one of the hardest things to go through hun. just know that no matter how dark of a place you get into no matter what you can always find someone to reach out to if you just reach out far enough. If you need someone to talk to or just listen to you vent please know i will always be here for you. you can email me at jessicayourfriend@gmail.com or message me on here. Keep your chin up and try and smile xox
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| katelynd | Oct 14 2012, 05:37 AM Post #13 |
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but trust me i know it's not easy...there are times when im a complete mess because of it, but you just have to keep moving and never give up on yourself |
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| br0kenheartedgirl | Oct 14 2012, 05:38 AM Post #14 |
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i saw one when i was hospitaized for depression when i was 15 ..i was kinda shrugged off by her.. she saw my parents more then she saw me .. so now im kinda on the fence about them .. that woman couldn`t have cared less about me and MY problems .. i have been thinking about looking into it though .. just i`ve never been one to open up about the stuff that goes on in my head .. majority of people would think i was messed up .. hell, even i think im messed up. doesnt help that he was the only one in my family`who didn`t think i was a screw up .. i was constantly told to kill myself by my mother .. she does not say that stuff now .. but she calls me names, and says im useless. and when i try and talk to her about why i drink and why im sad all the time, i tell her its because i miss my dad and she says `whatever, its life. you can`t do anything about it. ` and walks away. its really hard. |
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| Vitamin Qi | Oct 14 2012, 05:39 AM Post #15 |
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"Awake in a Dream of Silent Screams"... this was a song/poem that I wrote describing the trauma of my fathers' death in 2007. I struggled with many symptoms of PSTD, including night terrors, flashbacks, and dealt with it by being a chameleon... I'd wear my mask, and didn't let anyone know I was in constant terror... I'm hear to tell you that recovery is possible. I am the evidence... The trauma needs to be purged to make room for peace, self-love, compassion, gentleness, and authenticity. Only you can discover the right combination of support to get you through this struggle, but you have taken the first step, and asked for help and I am SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!! If you would like some ideas about resources in your community that can help you begin your healing and recovery journey, please let me know. I believe that you are a precious being with a sacred purpose. And perhaps, one day, you can reach out to someone who is hurting and tell them you believe in them. Your recovery journey is beginning, and I know both of our fathers would be so PROUD of us for starting a dialogue. Peace now, sweetheart, peace... Sending love, light and luminescence xxxx |
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| Sammybabby19 | Oct 14 2012, 05:58 AM Post #16 |
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I know exactly what you are going through. I lost my dad almost 4 months ago. I am here for you to vent. Please feel free to talk to me. I can try and help you the best way I know how. <3 |
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| Palistus | Oct 14 2012, 06:32 AM Post #17 |
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I'm sorry that your mother is taking out the loss of your father on you... That must be really tough-- she's definitely failing in her role as a parent right now. Hopefully she wakes up and realizes neglecting you won't bring him back. Also, therapists sometimes don't care, but a lot of the time they do care about their patients. I'd say to get referred to a good local one by a counselor, or a teen depression hotline or something-- I know there are quite a bit of those nowadays, and I'm sure they'll be more than happy to help you out with this. |
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| br0kenheartedgirl | Oct 14 2012, 11:10 PM Post #18 |
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no, i mean this started when they found i used to cut myself. she would tell me to kill myself when she was angry because she knew i`ve tried. she thought i just did it for attention, when it took them MONTHS to even know i was hurting myself. only reason they found out is because they saw it by accident. my parents never really got along near the end .. feels like she could care less .. my families loled. i feel like im the only one still grieving and everyone else is moving on with their lives .. |
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2:41 PM Jul 11
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xox

2:41 PM Jul 11