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A friendly Hello :)
Topic Started: Oct 14 2012, 11:32 AM (23 Views)
chlo_sugarcube

Afternoon all! my name's Chloe, 22, from lovely old England. Fun fact, I'm a Malteser! No, not the chocolate, I'm half Maltese (tiny island near italy!)

Like most people on here, I have experienced some terrible bullying in my time. I once had my head smashed into a porcelain sink, simply because the girl thought I was giving her attitude. The hardest thing I've ever had to hear, is my ex-fiance telling me I deserved my father sexually abusing me. I ran away to England and spent three years spiralling downwards into a constant hatred of myself. I cut my arms and legs to ribbons, and those are scars that will never heal. I've attempted suicide twice, and the long, angry red gash down my wrist is just a billboard advertisment to the world that I struggled. And the judgement I get for that, is awful. But I'm proud of myself for fighting my way up from rock bottom. After my ex-girlfriend (proudly bisexual - represent!) completely destroyed me, shagged around with everything that moved then told me I'd never be good enough for anyone, I really did hit rock bottom. But let me tell you, you can come back from that. iu did. It's not easy, it never will be easy. nobody ever said life is easy. But I promise you this right now, hand on heart, it will ALWAYS be worth it. Life is worth living. Life is worth fighting through the pain, even when it feels so overwhelming. Amanda made a few mistakes and some bad choices. She hit rock bottom. And she gave up. It's the worst tragedy you could ever imagine. somebody giving up. You really do only live once, and suicide is a mistake you will never come back from. It's a one way road...do you really, honestly want to go down it? Speaking as someone who has slit their wrists, trust me, the moment your realise what you've done, there isn't peace, there's fear. Think of the people you love, your family, the little things. think of the sun shining, the beauty of life. Think of it all and think, you'll never see it again. Do you really want that?

So I pledge to you all, if you ever need anyone to speak to, day or night, I am here. I will listen. I will not judge and I will only provide advice if you want. If you just want someone to vent to, I will listen and nothing more. I've been through it all, frmo sexual mental and physical abuse, to bullying over my race, gender, sexuality and weight. Please do not give up. It isn't worth it. Life is amazing. There are so many things ahead of you that you can achieve, so please, achieve them. Don't waste your precious time on this place listening to the hurtful, spiteful comments of people who do not matter. Only you can judge yourself (and respective deities should you be religious). I say this not as someone who's found 'peace', because life will always be difficult. I say this as someone who's realised there is so much more to come. I'm dating someone now who makes me very happy. And though I work in a horrible place with spiteful comments hurled at me daily, I know I have better things to come.

And as a parting thought. When my mother found out what I'd done to myself, she cried for months. Seeing her so broken made me realise, suicide may be a way of stopping my pain, but all it did was fill this person who gave me life, who loved me unconditionally through everything, with the most unbearable of pains. Whenever I get depressed again, all I can think of is her. And it stops me.
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