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Need advice to help self harming girls please; please help, i am very close to 3 girls all of whom self harm
Topic Started: Oct 14 2012, 07:02 PM (84 Views)
Will
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Please help, i have becum a kinda agony aunt for the girls and boys of my area. This is fine, but 3 of the girls i am incredibly close too self harm, I hav tried to help but i am just to inexperienced with dealing with this, i dont want to make it worse. What shall i say or do to help them, i will do anything, please
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Kaemin
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My sister used to self-harm. I contacted our mother after things went too far. But right now, try and talk with them, tell them you're there for them NO matter what and that you love them. If you don't give up on them, they won't give up on you. Tell them to stay strong, and same to you. <3
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Ceiran

^ Failing that, I would stay with them as much as possible, try stopping them from doing anything silly, if they shout at you or cause an argument, just tell them you're doing it for them.. My friend used to do it. Trouble about girls is they don't listen to friends opinions :')
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Will
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Thanks, and belive me I do, because I truely am in love with one of them, my entire world revolves around these girls. im always telling them how beautifull and how special they are, and one of them spent 2 weeks solid at my house when she was bad just so i knew she wasnt doing it, but this has been going on for a long time, i dont know if they will ever stop, but thank you
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The Listener

I have hurt myself a couple of times. Why? Because I was desperate. At that point you don't think logically. Some say, they will do it so the pain goes away.

The best thing you can do right now, is to find out why they are doing it. What is going on in their lives that they choose that way of dealing it. And it isn't good if you do it alone, it's really too much for just one person to deal with. I'm saying it of experience. I sometimes take too much burden on my shoulder.
You have to earn their trust. That is the most important thing. And you must understand that they will not listen, especially if they have done it for a long time. How longer, how deeper they are in that way of thinking.
And even if they stop, there is always a risk they will go back if they again have problems. It's like drugs, for some it's an addiction.

can't help more than this. Sorry. Hope you can reach them.

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HeatherM

It's a means to deal with the emotional pain. I'd suggest helping them find other (healthy) tools to cope with, if there's something athletic any of them are interested in that might help burn off some of the stress. Some sort of martial art can be really good for that. There are other things too. Something creative could be a good way to get it out too. Though I think you're already doing the most important thing you can do, just being there for them.

Keep in mind that until they can start getting away from the things that are making them feel this way it's going to be a struggle for them. It probably will be for awhile after too, but hopefully by then they'll start seeing things get better. It can be really hard to make goof decisions about people and relationships when your self-esteem has been completely trashed.
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RaeAnne

Im happy you are trying to help them out and your caring for them. I think if you try to work out different things to do instead of harming themselves, it works. Whether its working out, drawing, writting, running, something to take their mind off of what they feel would be great. I do that when i get really depressed and it helps alot. And i hope it helps them too. Keep up the great work!
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Colorful_Dreams
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My best friend used to harm herself alot.
Theres no place on her body that does have a scar. . .
When we first met, she was afraid. Even through her smiles and laughs.
I could see deep inside, she was hurting.
Non of my other friends saw it, which made her even more sad.

I took her aside and away from everyone else.
Then i said ,"i know we have only been friends for 2 days but
Im worried about you. I know your hiding behind that
Smile."
She looked shocked and began to cry.
I pulled her in for a hug and just held her
As she explained. All that pain... For just one person..
It hurt me to hear of the abuse and lack of
Kindness.
I held her closer and as she told me how
She felt about herself. I stopped her.

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Colorful_Dreams
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Colorful_Dreams
Oct 14 2012, 08:43 PM
My best friend used to harm herself alot.
Theres no place on her body that does have a scar. . .
When we first met, she was afraid. Even through her smiles and laughs.
I could see deep inside, she was hurting.
Non of my other friends saw it, which made her even more sad.

I took her aside and away from everyone else.
Then i said ,"i know we have only been friends for 2 days but
Im worried about you. I know your hiding behind that
Smile."
She looked shocked and began to cry.
I pulled her in for a hug and just held her
As she explained. All that pain... For just one person..
It hurt me to hear of the abuse and lack of
Kindness.
I held her closer and as she told me how
She felt about herself. I stopped her.

I said," no more! This pain, you dont deserve it.
I want to take away all your pain and
Everything in your past that has made
You feel such feelings. I care so much about
You and i want to be your friend. "
We have been friends for 6 years now
And she has stopped harming herself.
She is now confedient and bery social.

The best thing to do is try to find the reason
Why they self harm. Theres so many reasons,
Bullies, parent abuse, self doubt, relationships.
Tell them how much ot hurts you to see that they
Do that and try to come to an agreement
On not doing it anymore.
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sheila

I self harmed, care, love, understanding , listening,
acknowledge the intensity of their pain,
listen without judging / guilting or shaming.
lots of healthy talk, you are worth it, your somebody, your important, i love you ect.
read books on self harm, talk to a church member about how to help them, there are self help groups out there for them.
help them find a healthy hobby.
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