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I don't want attention
Topic Started: Oct 15 2012, 12:09 AM (78 Views)
redblueblurr
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I don't even care if anyone sees this I just feel like if i don't say something now that I'll vent in a way i wouldn't like to.

now for my story.
So i got out of a bad 3 year relationship, I broke bro code and dated one of my best friends ex's that they were not over. I didn't care i was selfish and couldn't see past the days actions.
Things were great at first you know puppy love telling everybody that they are crazy and wrong for saying we wouldn't work out.
I moved from tennessee to her place and we lived with her parents for 2 months till i got a job and got our own place. About three months later shit hit the fan, she didn't trust me thought at any time i would cheat on her and kept me on a very short leach dispite the fact that she know how I felt about cheating and would never do it to anyone. So to put her feelings at ease i'd stay home call her when i'm getting into work and when i get off and text her all the time i didn't see her.
She proceeded to go on telling me how i talk to my parents, would put her 5 cents into a conversation with my parents and i even if she wasn't involved. So i started talking to them less and less and pushed everyone i cared about out of my life for her because she was so insecure.
Later she did it, she called me Evan, a co worker of hers name while we were on my motorbike driving her to work. I didn't think anything of it but we got into a fight about her thinking i cheated on her that day, At this point I'm very suspicious so i secretly put spywhere on our laptop and within the hour i find her typing that she loves him, that she wants his Blank, and that she had cheated on me with three guys before him.
I broke up with her right away but had to keep her in my life because we had a lease and i didn't want to break my credit for her.
Now it gets weirder, she would tell me she is sorry that she loves me tells me she will find a new job and never do it again and that it was only him that she cheated on me with and it was only once and i never trusted her for one second but again had to keep her on good terms because of the lease. So she still would get mad when i want to hang out with someone, invite her when i go out for a beer and acted like we were together even tho i had told her many times that we weren't together.
So to avoid drama all together I stayed in the apartment playing world of Warcraft till our lease was up last December and moved out back to my parents. Just three months later she marries her brothers best friend they have known there whole life.

Almost a year has passed and I don't care much about what happened, i left her with all the things we had bought and tried to repair relationships. I'm left with an empty feeling tho but i can fight it.

And about a month ago my grandma dies and that just left me with an emptiness. not a missing her emptiness because i really didn't know her i hadn't talked to her too much or seen her a lot since i was 5 but loved her. But seeing everyone she touched at her funeral and seeing how she has made a difference got me thinking. What do i have to offer. i'm just some guy who was stupid, self centered, and just plain boring and no one would care if i never even existed and I don't think that if i was ever born that it would make much if any difference. People just don't care about me.
I try to connect, i go to clubs and try to interact but it's like i forgot how. so i dance hoping someone will see me but no one does.
I'm really just about to give up. If i die I've effected like 5 or 6 people who are better than me in every way. i'm just done being invisible and want it to be over.
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bkaiser

No matter what you think, there are always people who will care if you are in their life or not. Most people don't realize just how big of an affect they have on other people's lives. I don't have much experience with what you're going through because I'm younger than you, but if you want to talk you can message me.
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Kaemin
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I'm sorry for what's happened. </3 Don't give up, and you aren't invisible here. That chick? Karma will bite her VERY soon. It'll get better, just stay strong and keep your head up. We're all here if you need somebody to talk to. <3 Don't. Give. Up.
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Jayce

That's a rough relationship, man. If I'm honest, it's for the best... I think you know that, though.

I'm coming out of a relationship that ended really badly (for me, not her).. and it's tough to basically start over, trying to find yourself again. What kinds of things do you like to do? Going to clubs can seem like a great idea, but like you, I often just find them awkward.. it's not a place to meet caring people. Are there other activities you enjoy?
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