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Brandon Hong - Unmanned Drones-REVISION
Topic Started: Nov 30 2014, 11:27 PM (82 Views)
Brandon_Hong

Name: Brandon Hong
Committee: Global Security
Subject: Unmanned Drones
Proposed by: Republic of Taiwan
The General Assembly,
1)Caution to increasing use of unmanned drones by countries,
2)Declares that they should only be used for security purposes,
3)Alarmed by the United States of America, have created drones
4)to search and destroy terrorists against the country,
5)Believing that if a decision is not made by the United Nations
6)then there will greater consequences later,
7)Deeply disturbed by the United Nations decision to make a decision
8)the United States of America wish to side with
9)using drones as a force in warfare,
10)Noting with deep concern the United States of America’s opinion
11)we side with only using unmanned drones for security purposes,
12)Further deploring into other countries opinions
13)some are not willing to have a say in their thoughts
14)where as others are clearly taking one side or the other,
15)Observing what other countries have decided
16)Taiwan has decided to partake in the side of security purposes,
17)Reaffirming that the United States of America use drones for warfare
18)Russia also agrees in the notion,
19)Desiring to make a decision
20)China has stated that they would also like to have a say in the conference
21)whether or not unmanned drones should be used in warfare or not,
22)1.Accepts that drones will be used for security purposes,
23)2.Strongly Condemns the use of drones in warfare
24)as the United States of America has wished for,
25)3.Expresses it’s hope for unmanned drones to be used more for science
26)plus to be considered as a technology to help human life,
27)4.Encourages countries to view unmanned drones as harmless
28)not as a deadly weapon used for destruction,
29)5.Congratulates Japan on agreeing with our opinion
30)not to use unmanned drones for warfare
31)but instead for science research,
32)6.Requests other countries to sway their opinion on warfare
33)to make a standing position on peace,
34)7.Authorizes the creation of separate sub committees to combat
35)drones for the use of war purposes,
36)8.Emphasizes to the fact that warfare causes more debt in money
37)whereas science will revolutionize the world
38)making the earth a better place
39)where war will kill and pollute the world even more.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JjQlRBg5Jibe7OC5dj1SiPSadmBf_3rgcOendPo0rUo/edit?usp=sharing
Edited by Brandon_Hong, Feb 7 2015, 11:41 PM.
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Akshay_Pulavarty

REVISE

Solid position on the issue, but change phrases like "come to their senses" to something a bit more professional. Also, the last operative clause beginning with "draws attention..." should be a pre-operative clause. You slightly contradict yourself (drones okay for defense, but we should ban them? The justification for drones is defense so no country will bother with this. Fix those few things up, and you should be good to go
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Junha_Park
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just one more minor detail that doesn't matter that much but number your operative clauses as well
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Brandon_Hong

I REVISED JUST SO YA KNOW
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Deven_Bishnu
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Pass
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Junha_Park
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submitted
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Why are you reading the text down here? Go write your position paper!