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Georgia Sheriff Tells Citizens The Upcoming Solar Eclipse Will Be; THE END OF LIFE ON EARTH AS WE KNOW IT
Topic Started: Aug 8 2017, 09:20 PM (64 Views)
Tybee
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:lol Actually he's got a pretty good sense of humor.
Sheriff Scott Berry announces that on Monday, August 21, at about the time your kids are riding home from school on the bus that there will be a solar eclipse of the sun as celestial forces no one understands will blot out the sun. It is very likely this is the end of life on this planet as we know it.

As your Sheriff I expect each of you to begin panicking today. There is no need to wait til Sunday night to buy bread and milk. The shelves will be empty already as vast hordes descend on grocery stores. If you wait, the only thing left will be potted meat and knock off brand cereal with such names as "RaisinO's" and "CheeriBran"

Don't look at the eclipse, unless of course you live in the backwoods of Tennessee. In that case no one will hear you scream as you stumble blindly into a moonshine still or a bear trap. Millions of Americans are blinded every week by staring directly into the sun, eclipse or not. Don't do it.

Your sunglasses will not protect you from certain death if you look at the sun. However, for a mere $29.99 (plus $9.00 shipping and handling) you can order "stare directly at the sun wearing these" glasses from NASA and the Home Shopping Network.

Pregnant women should smoke and drink liquor during the eclipse. This will prevent radioactive waves from making your ankles swell and being grouchy most of the time. Meanwhile, your other children will be on the school bus wondering why it got dark so early. An afternoon snack of potted meat will encourage then to ignore the end of the world as we know it.

Leading scientists tell us that post eclipse the only two things they expect to survive are cockroaches and Facebook. Wait, is that one thing or two things????

https://www.facebook.com/oconeesheriff/posts/1865225003504521
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Guest
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This guy sounds like a lot more fun than that idiot Sheriff in Arizona. Except for The Andy Griffith Show, I'm not used to cops with a sense of humor -- seems like a good idea.

Thanks for the giggle
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Tybee
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You're welcome.

He sounds like a hoot. He also canceled Valentines Day in 2014 due to a winter storm.

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Georgia sheriff cancels Valentine’s Day due to weather

Worried about heading out on ice-covered roads to buy a Valentine’s Day gift for your sweetie?

Me neither. Is that this week?

But thanks to one sheriff, men all over north Georgia can breathe a sigh of relief.

“The Oconee County County Sheriff’s Office announces that Valentines Day has been CANCELLED from a line North of I-16 to the Georgia/Tennessee border,” Sheriff Scott Berry posted on the department’s Facebook page. “Men who live in the designated ‘NO VALENTINE’S DAY ZONE’ are exempt from having to run out and buy lottery scratchers and Hershey bars from the corner stores until February 18, 2014, due to ice, snow, freezing rain.”

Berry told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution late Wednesday that roads likely won’t be safe enough for travel Thursday as frozen precipitation continues to pile up.

“It’s going to be difficult to shop on the 13th, our traditional shopping day,” Berry said.

So is Mrs. Berry on board with this delayed holiday? It’s on Facebook, so it’s not a secret … or is it?

“She hasn’t seen it yet, I hope,” Berry said.

http://www.ajc.com/news/georgia-sheriff-cancels-valentine-day-due-weather/nR57FlT1BUt1F6lwZ2IyxI/
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