| Welcome to Animeworld. We hope you enjoy your visit. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free. Join our community! If you're already a member please log in to your account. |
| My friends account of the worst experience of his life. | |
|---|---|
| Topic Started: Thursday, 26. July 2012, 06:30 (344 Views) | |
| SkeleBones | Thursday, 26. July 2012, 06:30 Post #1 |
property of ellybelly <3
|
What a Vasectomy is Really Like -by Nathan Braddit -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So I did it. Got the snip -- the tiny tubes terminated -- pinched off the old baby batter blaster -- you get the picture. While it was (as every man who has ever had it done at least one year prior will tell you) a very simple and quick procedure, I would not ever in good conscience tell another man considering it that it was anything less than a miserable experience. Most guys (fellow blank shooters) I spoke with played it down and made it sound as easy and manly as getting a few stitches after a bar brawl -- well I beg to differ. Although, all the slice-snip-burn-sew blow by blow, step by step tales I was told were frighteningly similar -- and mine is no different: THEY TAPE YOUR DICK!!!- So after sitting slightly nervous and unquestionably cold in an ass-less gown for about 15 minutes -- periodically wiggling my pink pal just to shake out the shrinkage all the while being mindful not go full mast -- I mean who gets a hard-on in a cold doctor's office while waiting for some dude to rip open your sack and jam some scissors in the hole? Not this weirdo -- Anyhoo, the doctor & nurse bust in like they were trying to catch me jerkin' it (I'm too quick handed to worry about that) and get to work. I lay back, and ol' doc flips up the gown with the vigor and assuredness of a popular jock prom date -- pulls out and rips off about two feet of masking tape -- grabs my cock -- stretches it past my belly button -- and tapes it quite securely to my abdomen. In hindsight I think it's so my Johnson didn't retract into my pelvis as the pain, shame and discomfort slowly consumed me. MEATBALLS IN A HOLE- The next step in prepping for the procedure was a generous coat of peroxide lathering my thighs -- then came the covering. The doc held up a dishtowel sized heavy cloth with a 3-4 inch diameter hole, well stitched and reinforced with a canvas-like material (you know, so your balls don't tear through it like wet toilet paper when they figure out what's about to happen to them). My freshly shaved scrotum poked through and also received an incredibly cold peroxide dousing. He says "this might get a little uncomfortable" and begins kneading and emulsifying my scrotum between his fingers looking for the right tube to terminate (there are a few on either side) and then came the needle. . . YOU FEEL EVERYTHING- "You're probably going to feel a sharp pain and a some burning, but then you should not feel any pain from here on" -- Now, it's not that he was lying, but it's really not that simple. Needles don't bug me and a Novocaine shot is really not that high on the pain scale -- so far so good. Then he cut into my scrotum using some Chinese method I got a pamphlet on, but didn't give a fuck enough to read about -- felt every bit of it, but it was not painful -- numb, but sensitive enough to know exactly what was happening down there without looking. He tears me open quite aggressively (still no pain, but discomfort was creeping in) and then the snip. . ...Ooooohhhhhh the snip. I could write a 2000 adjective only essay on the sensation that shot through my lower abdomen and there is not a woman on this planet that could read it and have even a slightest inkling of what I experienced in that very moment, but it only takes four words to let a brother know -- Kicked In The Balls. Not the initial contact pain like when the foot hits the ball or the balls slap the thigh or butthole, but the stomach ache fallout that follows. It's extreme nausea without the possibility of puking AND getting the wind knocked out of you without the breathing issue AND the cold sweats of a fever without the hot skin mixed with the sharp stinging sensation (and I'm assuming here) of being stabbed. This was the point where I made the decision not to look up and see what was going on -- let me explain: It was during the birth of our first child that I discovered something about myself that had not previously occurred to me -- blood and gore does not phase me in person. I actually cringe sometimes when watching something particularly graphic in a movie or on TV, but when I peeked over the curtain while sitting beside my beautiful and insanely brave wife and (against the advice of the doctors and nurses in the room) peered directly into my wife's open abdomen -- did not feel faint or woozy or even the slightest bit phased witnessing the c-section birth of our daughter (I think that I am one in a very small group of men that can truthfully say that my wife is indeed beautiful both inside and out). And again for my son's circumcision (it's not mutilation if it can actually help him get laid when he is of sound mind and consenting age) where I watched wide-eyed and unflinching as they pinned back and peeled off the extra skin of my infant's penis without so much as nose crinkle. It surprised me -- I felt slightly faint in anticipation both times, but not even a knee buckle once the gore was in view. Now, after all that chest pounding I will humbly admit that I was in no condition and harbored no desire to attain so much as a glimpse of what this sadistic prick was doing to the closest friends of my taped dong. EVER WONDER WHAT BURNT SCROTUM SMELLS LIKE?- I'm not totally sure exactly what was cauterized, but I smelled it. Didn't bug me -- it's the first thing every non-lethal sharpshooter out there told me about because it was so disturbing for them -- and because of that I was mentally prepared for it. It was weird though -- worth mentioning. THERE ARE TWO- I am well aware that I'm no genius and this may just be common sense to most men out there -- maybe it's because I never gave it very much thought -- but it is a two part procedure and that did not initially occur to me. Two places to numb, two holes to cut, two tubes to snip and remove (which look like two small sections of spaghetti noodles -- which my doctor pointed out when he showed me commenting, "hope you weren't planning on pasta for dinner tonight" -- worth the co-pay alone) because most men have. . .everybody now. . .two balls. Duh. This was both surprising and disappointing to me as the first one is no picnic and after the full frontal sense assault I was in no mood to go through it again, but it was actually a lot easier. This time I was already entirely numb and I could identify each tug and snip as landmarks along the shameful journey and I knew exactly how many more pokes and puffs of flesh smoke were left until I could get out of there and get a fucking burrito burrito. . . .AND THEN I PASSED OUT- Okay, procedure's over -- doc is gone -- nurse is gone -- and it quickly becomes (painfully) obvious that I did not shave above my penis as I rip the tape -- and my pubes -- off of my abdomen. That hurt, but detaching the tape from the loose skin of my now embarrassingly small and shriveled dick helped me to forget real quick. I was not in any pain, but I instinctively got dressed and walked out of the doctor's office (yes office -- no surgical room) like a 90 year-old with osteoporosis after a 2000 mile donkey ride. I think my ego/pride/mojo was more injured than my balls. I was texting my supportive mate to come pick me up, but looked up to see her popping up from a waiting room chair -- mojo back -- posture back -- let's go eat! We carefully walked to the car and headed to the pharmacy to pick up my new best friend for the next two days. Driving along I gave my better half a quick and g-rated rundown of the procedure and about 4 miles out the car began to close in on me. The corners got dark and I warned my bride that I was going to go under for a moment and then the entire conversation we just had played back in my head at a much higher volume and furious pace -- the screaming in my mind gave way to white noise and I came to slouched in my seat and looking over at an angelic, but severely concerned companion. If getting your balls fondled and shredded by another man doesn't fuck with your self-esteem, passing out like a little girl shortly thereafter kind of closes the deal. Feel free to make fun of me. omfgholyshitwtfhbbqshitfuckmutherfuckerassballztittiesdickpussysonofamonkeysuncle this was posted on my friends blog yesteday... i must say i havent laughed that hard in quite a while... my ribs were sore, i was crying, i was laughing so hard i couldnt fking breath! |
|
kiss my ass mutherfckers
| |
 |
 
|
| ellybean24 | Friday, 27. July 2012, 22:37 Post #2 |
love you Skelle
|
oh my god... wow, , , sounds horrible to be a guy and have that done  ,,, I usually dont get faint from needles, but last blood test, I was sooo dizzy from the adrenalin rush you get from that fight or flight response when something you fear rears it's ugly head  ... When my sister watch Dr90210, watching the breast implants done, damn my boobs were cramping real bad at the thought
|
 other elfen lied sigs MADE BY ME
| |
|
|
|
| SkeleBones | Friday, 27. July 2012, 23:28 Post #3 |
|
property of ellybelly <3
|
hahahah lolism at its finest well im glad im already sterile from the damage to my body |
|
kiss my ass mutherfckers
| |
|
|
|
| ellybean24 | Saturday, 28. July 2012, 02:19 Post #4 |
|
love you Skelle
|
still, having kids would be nice, wouldnt it... well, I'd want a kid ^^ |
|
other elfen lied sigs MADE BY ME
| |
|
|
|
| SkeleBones | Saturday, 28. July 2012, 04:14 Post #5 |
|
property of ellybelly <3
|
well do u plan to have kids? cuz planning and wanting are two diff things... |
|
kiss my ass mutherfckers
| |
|
|
|
| ellybean24 | Sunday, 29. July 2012, 00:56 Post #6 |
|
love you Skelle
|
If I can afford to look after my child then I plan to have one though my mother did research, I might not be able to succesfully carry a child but adoption has always been there ,, 
|
|
other elfen lied sigs MADE BY ME
| |
|
|
|
| HegemonKhan | Sunday, 29. July 2012, 07:22 Post #7 |
The Claymore Scribe
|
HK has very potent magical seed, it can impregnate any girl with many babies, even sterile girls get babies! 
Edited by HegemonKhan, Sunday, 29. July 2012, 07:23.
|
| "I hold the wolf by the ears, I am in a dangerous situation and dare not let go" -an old saying in Latin | |
|
|
|
| ellybean24 | Sunday, 29. July 2012, 16:26 Post #8 |
|
love you Skelle
|
@HK: Spoiler: click to toggle
|
|
other elfen lied sigs MADE BY ME
| |
|
|
|
| SkeleBones | Sunday, 29. July 2012, 16:55 Post #9 |
|
property of ellybelly <3
|
hey elly i volunteer at an orphanarium... kinda touching moment earlier this week one brat came up to me and was like "i wish i had a dad like you mister" HNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH |
|
kiss my ass mutherfckers
| |
|
|
|
| ellybean24 | Sunday, 29. July 2012, 20:37 Post #10 |
|
love you Skelle
|
it's sweet you volunteer for a noble cause ^^ |
|
other elfen lied sigs MADE BY ME
| |
|
|
|
| SkeleBones | Sunday, 29. July 2012, 20:38 Post #11 |
|
property of ellybelly <3
|
well i never thought i would be a good dad... what do u think? |
|
kiss my ass mutherfckers
| |
|
|
|
| ellybean24 | Sunday, 29. July 2012, 21:17 Post #12 |
|
love you Skelle
|
I answerd that in the other thread |
|
other elfen lied sigs MADE BY ME
| |
|
|
|
| SkeleBones | Monday, 30. July 2012, 20:46 Post #13 |
|
property of ellybelly <3
|
lol i kno what bout u? wana be a mother? |
|
kiss my ass mutherfckers
| |
|
|
|
| ellybean24 | Monday, 30. July 2012, 21:10 Post #14 |
|
love you Skelle
|
of coarse I'd want to be a mom if I can ^^ ,,, well, only if I can look after my child, if I can't then I won't have one (if that makes any sence) 
|
|
other elfen lied sigs MADE BY ME
| |
|
|
|
| SkeleBones | Monday, 30. July 2012, 21:14 Post #15 |
|
property of ellybelly <3
|
no it makes perfect sense you want to be the one taking care of ur child you dont wanna be too busy/incapable of doing so... |
|
kiss my ass mutherfckers
| |
|
|
|
| ellybean24 | Monday, 30. July 2012, 21:17 Post #16 |
|
love you Skelle
|
not only do I wanne be capible,, I also want to make sure I can afford a kid daipers arn't cheap,, then there's clothes cause their constantly growning, a warm bed to sleep in another mouth to feed I won't let my child go cold or hungry just because I didn't save up to have one I'll make sure I have a solid income when that happens I want to give my child the best I can |
|
other elfen lied sigs MADE BY ME
| |
|
|
|
| SkeleBones | Monday, 30. July 2012, 21:20 Post #17 |
|
property of ellybelly <3
|
as should any mother.. as for me id want all that but i wouldnt waste money buying"the best stuff" id teach my child a life lesson in humility by settling for second best or wuddever |
|
kiss my ass mutherfckers
| |
|
|
|
| ellybean24 | Monday, 30. July 2012, 21:27 Post #18 |
|
love you Skelle
|
of coarse I wouldnt spoil my kid,, there is a difference in giving them the best or just plain spoiling them I will raise my child how I was raised,, if he/she wants something, he/she has to earn it for eg, I earned my first guitar from my mom when I did really well in end year exams.. understand things didnt just fall in my lap, and in turn gave me an appresiation for the things i have knowing I earned them and worked hard for it My child will have manners ect. but no need to torture the little munchkins  |
|
other elfen lied sigs MADE BY ME
| |
|
|
|
| SkeleBones | Monday, 30. July 2012, 21:32 Post #19 |
|
property of ellybelly <3
|
well im NOT gonna raise my kid how i was raised >_> im not sure rly... i guess itll be a learning experience for me if a woman ever wants to have my kids that is... sigh... not many could love me enuf for that |
|
kiss my ass mutherfckers
| |
|
|
|
| ellybean24 | Monday, 30. July 2012, 22:07 Post #20 |
|
love you Skelle
|
didnt you say you were sterile? aka unable to have kids? |
|
other elfen lied sigs MADE BY ME
| |
|
|
|
| SkeleBones | Monday, 30. July 2012, 22:10 Post #21 |
|
property of ellybelly <3
|
yes but i can get them fixed with that surgery |
|
kiss my ass mutherfckers
| |
|
|
|
| ellybean24 | Monday, 30. July 2012, 22:11 Post #22 |
|
love you Skelle
|
look at my other reply in the other thread,, |
|
other elfen lied sigs MADE BY ME
| |
|
|
|
| SkeleBones | Monday, 30. July 2012, 22:14 Post #23 |
|
property of ellybelly <3
|
i did and replyed... but ill repeat cuz it get me nother post to my count im sterie cuz the buildup of scartissue on one of my tubes, they can repair that with the surgery |
|
kiss my ass mutherfckers
| |
|
|
|
| ellybean24 | Wednesday, 1. August 2012, 18:04 Post #24 |
|
love you Skelle
|
MORE POSTS MORE POSTS MORE POSTS oppsie, capslock >_< |
|
other elfen lied sigs MADE BY ME
| |
|
|
|
| Itsuki predator | Wednesday, 1. August 2012, 18:20 Post #25 |
I think I just should end it all and kill my self..
|
post aint coming |
 II My Youtube My DeviantART II | |
|
|
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
 |
|
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · General Talk · Next Topic » |
5:55 AM May 21