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Books, Sites About Relationships / Dating; - also rejection site, paper napkin.com
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Topic Started: Nov 9 2005, 07:59 PM (434 Views)
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Nov 9 2005, 07:59 PM
Post #1
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Rock Star From Mars
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~ EDIT Below ~ I wish I had had this book when I was engaged. I've not yet finished reading the whole thing, but so far, I think it's a good book. Most of the people who have reviewed it at www.amazon.com like it. So far, I've seen only two bad reviews.
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay : A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship, by Mira Kirshenbaum
I did like one negative review of the book, which I will paste in below; it's written by a married man - I do think that the reviewer of the negative review was right and that the book's author, Kirshenbaum, doesn't seem to take people's personality types into account.
Maybe the Kirshenbaum book is ideal for people who are in a serious dating relationship, wondering if they should continue on, or maybe it's for people who are engaged.
Perhaps if you are already married and wondering whether or not to divorce, this would not be the book for you.
The negative review:- Be Very Cautious About This Book, June 10, 2002
Reviewer: "jim-in-dc" (Washington, DC)
My wife and I have been married six years and have had marital troubles for nearly a year. However, we are taking very concrete steps to try to address them and we're making good progress.
We're learning a lot more about ourselves and each other, about personalities and temperaments and what influences them. Now we are better able to appreciate how those factors manifest in our day-to-day behavior.
It is hard work, but we both agree that in the end it's worth it -- regardless of the eventual outcome of our marriage. This book was recommended to me by a person that I have generally known to have good judgement, so I took a look.
I can say without a doubt that if I had read this book a year ago, my wife and I would now be divorced and that decision would have been the biggest mistake of our lives.
Several of the so-called guidelines pointed to behavior on my wife's part AND others on my own part that would have caused each of us to conclude that we would be more happy if we left than stayed.
The method of decisionmaking suggested by this book is bereft of the kind of hard work it really takes to evaluate the future of a relationship and the behavior of people in relationships. It fails to explore personality types -- a cornerstone to understanding why your partner may behave the way he or she behaves. It also assumes the problem MUST reside within your partner, not within yourself. In my relationship, the problem was 80% of my own creation.
But, through self-evaluation and study we have been able to LEARN more about our own personalities so that now we can better appreciate our differences and give our love for one another a chance to flourish. Unfortunately, this book rests on the premise that people are inflexible, cannot observe themselves and that their mates cannot change themselves, and therefore, whatever you've got is as good as it will get.
I disagree and urge anyone who reads this to use great caution. Mira Kirshenbaum has attempted to boil life and relatinships into a simplicity that belittles the capacity of humans to love and change.
~ EDIT ~
I've since finished reading the book, and I think it's pretty good. It should help you make up your mind on whether to stay or leave. I spotted 3 - 4 criteria that I ultimately left my ex over, but I had to come up with those 3 - 4 criteria on my own, since I didn't have this book at that time.
I can see how if you've been married to someone this may not be the book for you, I don't know; but if you're engaged and having doubts, or in a steady relationship, I say pick up a copy and give it a try.
One of the most helpful things was just reading about other people's experiences. The author recounts concrete examples of couples who came in to see her for counseling, she tells you why they came in to see her, if the relationship stayed intact, or if they broke up, and why they broke up if they did.
I learned a lot from reading about other people's relationship fears, doubts, successes, and failures. One interesting thing is that you learn that NOBODY is perfect at relationships, nobody knows what they're doing. I used to think that other people just instinctively knew, but they don't.
The author's patients range in age from their 20s on up to their 50s.
Some of them are very educated, such as a 36 year old female doctor who came to her, asking her if she should stay with her husband or not. It's just remarkable to see people, no matter their educational background, income, etc., get just as confused and messed up with their relationships as anyone else.
As for the negative review from one amazon.com reviewer I pasted in above, one part of what he said is not 100% accurate.
He says in his review that the author does not address if a partner can or will change. She spends an entire chapter on that topic.
Either the reviewer didn't bother to read that chapter, or maybe the reviewer didn't like her bottom line, which is in some cases, one partner is told by the second, "If you don't change Behavior "X" I'm going to have to leave you," that in some cases the first partner refuses to change. That is a reality.
The author then says you have to decide if you feel you can remain in a relationship where your partner refuses to change whatever is bothering you.
The author points out that's acutally the 2nd or 3rd step: the first step is, does your partner even ACKNOWLEDGE that you want or need for him to change?
The author points out that some partners are so into denial or are so lazy/selfish that they even REFUSE TO ADMIT that they need to change, or that their partner wants them to change.
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Dec 4 2005, 01:50 PM
Post #2
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Rock Star From Mars
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I read this book - He's Just Not That Into You, by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccilo.
I think to a point it offers some good advice and insight here and there. It's not totally worthless or devoid of good tips.
I think the book's biggest message is that women need to stop taking trash off men. So many women allow men to mistreat them, and so many women hang on to dead, going-nowhere relationships - and if you're hanging on to a lousy guy, it's postponing your encounter with Mr. Right.
Being single is not always easy, but it's better to be single than to be in a bad relationship, and that's another message you'll get from this book, (as well as It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken, also co-written by Greg Behrendt).
Having said that, though, I do agree with some of the criticisms of this book (He's Just Not That Into You) by the author of the following piece:
"He's Just Not That Into You"--Postmodern Secular Romance, reviewed by R. Albert Mohler, Jr.
Excerpts:- .... The book is divided into sixteen chapters, most offering what is intended to be a significant lesson for women as they try to understand the men in their lives.
According to Behrendt and Tuccilo, a woman should understand that a man is "not that into you" if he is not calling her, is not dating her, is not having sex with her, is having sex with someone else, only wants to see her when he's drunk, doesn't want to marry her, is breaking up with her, has disappeared on her, is married, is a selfish jerk, a bully, or is "a really big freak."
.... In the background to all this is the fact that many women are experiencing great grief in relationships with disinterested, immature, and lecherous men. However, the most interesting insight from this book is the fact that there must be many women -- this is The New York Times' best-selling nonfiction book, after all -- who are doing their best to rationalize why the men in their lives appear to be disinterested in romance and responsibility.
.... At times, the authors write with a combined voice, while individual messages from Behrendt and Tuccilo are inserted into the text.
Behrendt does the hard labor in this partnership, serving as the wise and experienced man who can offer his testosterone-filled insights into the decadence, disinterest, and depravity of his fellow men.
.... Inevitably, the issue of sex arises in just the way we would expect, coming from writers for Sex and the City. According to these authors, if a man is attracted to a woman, he will move directly to initiating sex.
"If he were into you," they explain, "he would be having a hard time keeping his paws off you. Oh the simplicity of it all! If a man is not trying to undress you, he's not into you."
They completely dismiss men who do not move immediately to demand sex or men who think that sex ought to wait for marriage.
In a chapter that would seem to be unnecessary, even for the lovelorn readers of this book, Behrendt and Tuccilo explain that if a man is having sex with another woman, he is probably not a good candidate for future romance.
Get this line: "If he's sleeping with someone else without your knowledge or encouragement, he is not only behaving like a man who's just not that into you, he's behaving like a man who doesn't even like you all that much."
How do you take that advice apart? According to the Sex and the City worldview, it would presumably be just fine if the man were having sex with another woman with her knowledge or encouragement.
The sex itself is not bad, wrong, or problematic according to Behrendt and Tuccilo.
The issue is cheating.
Writing to "Fiona," Greg Behrendt offers this advice: "Well, you can choose to believe he is sorry. You can choose to believe he will change. But in my book, lying, cheating, hiding is the exact opposite of the behavior of a man who's really into you." Got it?
.... The following chapters offer similar advice, instructing women on the wiles and basic immaturity of men. You don't have to read between the lines to see that these writers assume that men will use women and that women are so desperate for romance and sex that they are willing to be used.
Interestingly, marriage remains very much on the horizon. The women whose unfulfilling relationships presumably form the market for this book are desperately seeking to be married.
"Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn't want to get married or doesn't believe in marriage, or has 'issues' with marriage, will, rest assured, someday be married," Behrendt and Tuccilo explain. "It just will never be with you."
... He's Just Not That Into You is the perfect portrait of postmodern romance. With romantic love isolated from the Christian worldview that gave it birth, sex, romance, and whatever is considered love are combined in a tragic mix of confusion.
Nevertheless, the book--and the fact that it now ranks as the top-selling nonfiction title--tells us something Christians need to know about the worldview, experience, and tragic emptiness of so many people in modern secular America.
Feminists promised American women a festival of liberated delights, describing marriage as a domestic prison and male leadership as oppressive patriarchy. What are feminists to make of this book, these women, and this advice?
Clearly, these women desperately want men to grow up, initiate relationships, lead, and move toward marriage.
Tragically, these authors--and the millions they represent -- see sex as a way of luring, securing, and enticing men into romantic relationships.
When these relationships fail--as this book proves they so often do--women are left feeling used, abused, empty, and hopeless. He's Just Not That Into You represents one of the most tragic and depressing books published in recent years.
Nevertheless, those of us who know the Bible's understanding of sex, romance, and marriage should pay attention to this book and realize why the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ is good news in more ways than one--rescuing us not only from sin, but from this tragic pattern of emptiness, disappointment, and confusion.
The hundreds of thousands of women reading this book desperately need the right advice--but that's the last thing they're going to get from a Sex and the City writing team.
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Jan 9 2006, 06:36 PM
Post #3
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Rock Star From Mars
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Guys Don't Talk About Relationships, And They Sure Don't Want To Read About Them- December 28, 2005
by JOANN KLIMKIEWICZ
The books come wrapped in jackets of purple and pastel pink, their titles urgent and peppered with numbers and exclamation points of the "Six Ways To Know if He's the One!" variety.
They take up substantial real estate in the self-help aisle, these tomes of dating and mating rules and lists, dispensing how-to prescriptions for every stage of the relationship cycle.
How to meet a guy. Tell if he's into you. Know if he wants to marry you.
How to spice up your marriage. Get your husband to share his feelings. Get him to scoop his dirty underwear off the floor. (Good luck.)
How to know when it's over.
Tell him it's over. Get over it when it's over. How to pick yourself up, dust yourself off.
How to meet a guy.
Call it valuable counsel for the lovelorn. Call it paper-thin wisdom that capitalizes on their deepest insecurities. But there is an unmistakably strong market for these books. And they're overwhelmingly written for and purchased by women.
Industry watchers say they've seen a swell in this genre, propelled in part by the success of last year's "He's Just Not That Into You"- the sassy cult favorite inspired by an episode of "Sex and the City" that implores women to stop making excuses for wishy-washy men and raise the bar for what they'll accept from the opposite sex.
"I've gotten a slew of books in the last couple of months," says Sarah Gold, senior reviews editor at Publishers Weekly. "They're definitely geared more toward women. I don't think any of the ones I got were specifically geared toward men."
But if it indeed takes two to tango, if on a very basic level men and women are seeking the same thing - each other - why are women so much more keen to study the ins and outs of dating and relationships? Where are the advice books for men? And why aren't they thumbing as hungrily through the ones out there as women?
"I saw the guy who wrote ["He's Just Not That Into You"] on TV, and the interviewer asked him the same question," says Colin Mulready, 28, of West Hartford, easing back at a corner table with some friends at the Wood-n-Tap in Hartford. "He said, `Because I want to sell more than two books.'"
That's not far off.
According to Barnes & Noble, 80 percent of customers who bought books on relationships are women. Relationship books for women outsell those for men by a ratio of 4 to 1, the company reports.
"It's always a strong market. It seems there's a constantly replenishing audience for it. Depending on what stage they're at in their life, they're going back to that self-help shelf and looking for what's the newest answer, what's the latest theory," says Gary Krebs, executive publishing director of Adams Media. "Sometimes [women] may not actually know what they're seeking. There's a sense of things not feeling quite right ... a general unhappiness, and they want to figure out why that unhappiness exists and how to solve the problem.
Adams seems to have found a cushy niche in this category. Among its popular selections: "Why Men Love Bitches" and "The List: 7 Ways To Tell if He's Going To Marry You - in 30 Days or Less!" The publishing company has yet to print a guide for men. And it's not likely.
"We've basically drawn the conclusion that there isn't much of a point to it," Krebs says. "That doesn't mean men don't need books in that category, because I'm sure they do. But ... I just don't think it would work."
Oh, but there are relationship books on the shelves for the gents. A cursory search through online booksellers yields the following gems:
"The System: How To Get Laid Today!" and "Make Every Girl Want You: How To Have Sex With Hot Girls (Without Even Dating Them!)"
"It's not that men don't read. It's that they're not reading what's not interesting to them. These books have to use the language they use. You wouldn't write in Japanese to someone who speaks Spanish," says relationship author Jaci Rae.
Not that she agrees with the messages in those titles. Her book "Winning Points With the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time" marries relationship advice with football lingo to explain to men the mysteries of women and the ways of a healthy relationship.
"Men are supposed to be strong. They don't need to have all these emotions involved in what they do," says Rae. "And most books that deal with relationships deal with emotions. So men have no need for them."
Authors and publishers cite a host of reasons as to why women snap up these guides in greater numbers. For better or worse, generalization or not, women are more inclined to chat out their feelings, analyze every delicate detail of what makes relationships go wrong and go right.
"It's the sewing circle. There's this cultural thing. Women talk and they share. ... That's just what we do," said Alison Lawrence, co-author of "BitterGirl: Getting Over Getting Dumped" - a breakup survival guide based on a play by the same name.
"For guys it's more: Suffer in silence, stiff upper lip; and you just get on with it," she says.
Lawrence illustrated the disparity this way: A while back two friends were in the midst of a breakup. The females in this circle of friends got together over a bottle of wine to laugh, cry and talk it through.
The men? They shared a bottle of scotch, watched the game and hit a bucket of balls. They never uttered a word about the breakup.
More than their love of the time-honored pity party, authors say, some women flock to these guides because they carry on their shoulders a biological and societal pressure that men have managed to evade.
"It's a stereotype, perhaps, but men don't have the sense of urgency to get married and have kids," says Krebs. "Women see their friends or their sisters ... getting married, or they get guilt from their parents and they feel a lot of pressure. And they're thinking, `What happens if I don't get married and I hit 30 or 40 or 50?' Whereas men just don't have that same concern."
With their desperate tone, their formulaic tactics, don't some of these books feed into that pressure? Are they helping ease the burden or exacerbating it with a hidden message that a woman isn't complete without a man, without marriage, without children?
"I read a lot of dating books in my day, and you can be tricked into thinking that it's a game," says Mary Corbett, co-author of "The List." "I certainly don't think a woman has to get married to be happy. I was very happy before I was married."
It's a choice, she says. The intent of her book is to give guidance to women who do want marriage in their future, to empower them so they don't waste precious time in second-rate relationships.
"We really don't want women putting their values aside" for a man, she said.
If women collect these books because they're prone to seeking guidance, authors say, men shun because they're notoriously disinclined to ask for direction - whether on the road or in a relationship.
Back around the corner table at the Wood-n-Tap, Justin Gatti, 28, says he agrees with this thesis. When it comes to advice on women, he doesn't consult books or online advice columns. He may consult close friends. But mostly, "I just go from my own experiences. I live and learn through my own [screw-ups]" Gatti says over the din of booze-addled twentysomethings chatting and flirting.
Outside of that, men might pause on a magazine blurb about dating. They don't seek it out. It's more like picking up a magazine where, in one swift read, they can learn how to pump up their pecs and pleasure a woman. "Guys just have a shorter attention span," Gatti says between sips of beer.
Women, he asserts, get more invested in relationships, are intent to fix what's broken instead of letting go what may simply be damaged goods.
"Guys are more `the grass is greener,'" he says, explaining that if a relationship isn't working, men will leave it behind for a better one.
"Girls seem like they'd rather stick out the relationship and try to make the brown grass greener."
Hunkered down barside at Vaughan's Public House in Hartford, Chip Grannis winces at the question of dating books.
"It's scary, because they sell," said Grannis, 26, a local bartender and bar manager. He said women should ease up, not take the dating scene so seriously. It's just dating - a guy and a girl trying to get to know each other.
Would he ever read a dating guide himself? He rolled his eyes.
"Why would I go to a stranger and follow their advice as law?" he asks, waiting a beat before quipping: "I can make a jackass of myself just fine on my own."
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The 1 Not Fooled
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Jan 11 2006, 03:25 PM
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men shun because they're notoriously disinclined to ask for direction - whether on the road or in a relationship.
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maddyhater
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Jan 12 2006, 11:39 AM
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Being a person that's been through my share of bad relationships, and now married to an incredible man, I have to say that each person has an instinct... a sense of whether the other person is right for them. Often times a woman will convince herself "well, if I"m good to him, he'll change/and or see how happy he'd be with me". That's BS! I stayed in a rotten relationship for 10 years, and when I woke up one morning, with a young child to take care of... a 45+ hour a week job... seeing this "fiancee" on the weekends, and having NO partner in my life, I changed. He was diagnosed with a terminal cancer, and it was a hard decision for me to leave, but I knew it was the best thing for me to do, not only for myself, but so my son wouldn't see his Mom being miserable every day of her life.
Trust your instincts, rule #1. If you THINK he/she is cheating, that's a good sign there's trouble. Communication is the most important part in marriage. Trust is a close second. Having not trusted men most of my life, I still get those feelings of insecurity. But my husband comes home to ME at night, he doesn't run around with a group of guys drinking in bars and partying all night. Take a good long look at the dynamic of the 2 people involved. Is he a party-boy, and you a homebody? Then that relationship probably won't work. I"ve never trusted men who'd spend time in bars without their spouses, that's inviting trouble. You can drink at home, and have friends come over. Of course, I"m 38... I've lived a long enough single life to know how much I value having what I've got right now.
MH
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Jan 18 2006, 05:53 PM
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Rock Star From Mars
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Related to dating, but not about books:
Not interested? Rejection only a phone call away
http://www.papernapkin.net/
From first link: - October 11, 2005
A guy walks into a bar.
He sees an attractive woman across the room. He approaches her, drops what he thinks is a smooth line to get the conversation going.
She is bored. He is not her type. She finds him to be kind of annoying. But she doesn't want to be completely rude, so she feigns vague interest in his incessant chatter, hoping he'll move on soon.
Instead, he drops the dreaded question: Can I have your number?
His friends are watching this awkward courtship dance from across the room, and she doesn't want to create an embarrassing scene. That would just be too mean.
So she jots down (858) 492-8002 on a piece of paper, smiles and walks away. His friends are impressed; he feels like he has just scored a major coup.
But when Mr. Casanova calls the number the next day, this not-so-subtle message greets him: -------------------------------------------- "Hello, this is not the person you were trying to call. You've reached the Rejection Hotline, provided by RejectionHotline.com.
The person who gave you this number did not want you to have their real number ... but don't be too devastated. ...
... Maybe you're just not this person's type.
Note: This could mean short, fat, ugly, dumb, annoying, arrogant or just a general loser.
Maybe you suffer from bad breath, body odor or a nasty combination of the two.
Maybe you just give off that creepy, overbearing, psycho-stalker vibe. Maybe the idea of going out with you just seems as appealing as playing leapfrog with unicorns." -------------------------------------------- Ouch.
This guy has been snubbed by the Rejection Hotline, a 4-year-old telephone dissing service that lists numbers for more than 30 cities, from Miami to San Diego.
The numbers get a total of 1.5 million callers a month, according to Rejection Hotline creator Jeff Goldblatt. There is even a Rejection Hotline fan club, 28,000 members strong.
Goldblatt concedes that the bulk of those calls are from people who hear about the service and dial just for a laugh, then tell their friends to do the same. But for many other callers, the fake number provides a much-needed service, Goldblatt said.
And not just for the person doling out the dud digits.
"We like to think we're offering a public service to the rejector and to the rejectee," said Goldblatt, 28, an Emory University graduate who lives in Atlanta.
"The rejector has a way to get someone to leave them alone, and the rejectee can find out later – in private – that the other person wasn't interested."
People have no doubt been giving out fake numbers for as long as there have been telephones, but the Rejection Hotline numbers deliver a clear, unambiguous message.
"A fake phone number could allow someone to cling to the hope that they were accidentally given the wrong number," Goldblatt said.
It all began in 2001, when Goldblatt and his buddies were in a bar in Atlanta, witnessing a very humiliating and very public rejection.
"Picture a guy who looks like a cross between George Costanza from 'Seinfeld' and Peter Griffin from 'Family Guy,'" Goldblatt said.
"He was real drunk and hitting on a real attractive blond girl. First we felt bad for her. Then we felt bad for him when she stood up and told him and the whole bar what she thought. It was really painful to watch."
Goldblatt went home and put the rejection message on voice mail, then told his friends to call. Those friends told their friends.
Within weeks, so many people called, the voice mail system crashed.
"We've crashed several voice mail servers with several companies over the years since then," Goldblatt said.
This month the Rejection Hotline will add 25 new numbers. And there is even a new "Nicer, Kinder, More Subtle and Gentle Rejection Hotline," (781) 382-3478, that tells callers that it's "in no way a negative reflection on you," so don't let it bring down your self-esteem. "It's not you, it's them."
With the success of the hotline, according to its Web site, Goldblatt "has begun exploring the possibility of allowing it to be used as a nontraditional advertising medium" for a national brand.
Only one advertiser will be chosen, and, the site promised, it will "not tarnish the quality and reputation of the Rejection Hotline by flooding the recording with large amounts of random commercial advertising. ... Any advertisement (will be) seamlessly integrated into the recording."
Among the products under consideration are mints, gum, deodorants, beer/alcohol, movies and condoms, although anything "porn-related" is out.
Whatever comes next, Goldblatt hopes people use his service responsibly.
"We do not encourage people to use this as an offensive weapon," he said. "We consider it a last-resort maneuver."
Goldblatt, by the way, is single but has not yet been a victim of his own joke.
"No," he laughed. "Since I have started this, I definitely think twice about asking someone for their phone number."
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The 1 Not Fooled
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Jan 19 2006, 07:28 PM
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I think that's wrong. It's all part of our culture's desire not to ever take responsibility for anything. If someone can't work up the nerve to say something like, "I'm sorry, I'm not comfortable giving out my phone number" or "well, maybe I'll run into you here again sometime" instead of leading someone on, what other things are they going to lie about? "Oh, I didn't really want to have sex with you, I just didn't want you to feel rejected" or "I never wanted to marry you, I didn't want to embarrass you"? There are discreet ways of politely turning someone down, and it's better for everybody involved in the long run.
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Jan 19 2006, 09:36 PM
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Rock Star From Mars
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I'm with you, 1NF, it just seems wrong.
I can maybe see one exception: arrogant jerks who keep hitting on a woman who won't take "No" for an answer.
I have been in similiar situations, and no matter how politely I turned the guy down, they wouldn't "get the hint" that I was just not interested.
This happened in particular in my college days.
At one point, there was this guy who had moved from China years and years before to come live in the USA, he was in one of my art classes - he worked at a Kroger's grocery store - and he wouldn't LEAVE ME ALONE.
What was even more insulting, was I was his second favorite choice.
We were in an art class together, and I remember the first few days of class, he kept hitting on this one girl with long brown hair. After she told him one day that she already had a boyfriend, he set his sights on me.
I'm too honest to lie and say, "I already have a boyfriend." I don't know if the girl with long brown hair was lying or not.
The Chinese guy had a male friend in that class, and the male friend figured out I was greatly annoyed. One day I was so angry, after he came up to flirt with me for the one billionth time, that I *slammed* my drawing board on the desk.
His friend told the guy, "Hey, she's not interested, back off. Leave her alone...."
But he didn't get the hint. I had to put up with his stalking up to the end of the semester.
In another art class about a year later, we had this male model - he posed for our class. (When I say "male model" he was "okay" looking, not a "movie star" kind of good-looking.)
Anyway, this dude kept coming up and flirting and he invited me out a few times to campus parties. I wasn't interested in him, I'm not a social butterfly, so I kept turning him down.
So one day, I put one of my fake diamond rings (zarconia) on my left ring finger, hoping he'd see that next class and assume I was engaged and leave me alone.
I pulled my two female classmates aside and told them that I wasn't really engaged, but I couldn't get the guy to leave me alone, and he was starting to creep me out. I felt bad about being deceptive in any way, but I had no idea what to say or do to get him to buzz off.
None of those guys were particularly arrogant, so I wouldn't have used the Rejection phone number on them had I had it back then, but man can it be irritating as heck when a guy will not get a clue that you just do not have romantic feelings for him!
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The 1 Not Fooled
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Jan 19 2006, 10:12 PM
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- June 6, 2005
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I know what you mean. Recently I danced with a couple of different guys at a nightclub and I didn't feel interested enough in any of them to give them my number*. This one guy was real persistent when I told him I wasn't going to do so, but I just kept repeating my line. Believe me, I've learned the hard way about "being too nice". I got kind-of stalked by one guy once, and I hadn't even given him my number. I'd just made the mistake of mentioning the chain name of the store I was working at back then. It was one of only about three in the area, and the creep ended up calling the store and coming in to see me all the time. Even after I told him I'd made a mistake; that I knew by the second time I saw him, it just wasn't "happening", he still kept on. His mother and I think even his ex-wife had come in to check me out.
*Not to give you the wrong idea; I didn't solicit these guys for a dance. They asked me; I accepted a dance. One guy was getting a little too freaky, 'cause he urged me to "groan like you makin' love". Ew!
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flea dip
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Jan 19 2006, 11:06 PM
Post #10
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Rock Star From Mars
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It sounds like you were on the receiving end of a lower-level of stalking.
And even his ex-wife came in to check you out? That is scary! And weird. A guy who gets his ex-wife to check out a potential new sweetheart - weird....
In my post above about the Chinese guy, maybe the use of the word "stalking" was a bit strong - maybe "annoyingly persistent" was more accurate. - Quote:
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Believe me, I've learned the hard way about "being too nice". So you advise against it?
That is defintely my problem, being too nice. I get it in part from my mother.
She raised me to be very sensitive to other people's feelings. She drilled it into me so danged effectively that I am like a doormat, take a lot of trash off people, they take advantage of me, etc., and I don't know how to TELL a guy "no thanks, not interested," so instead, my actions show it.
-Like that day in the art class where I got so angry I couldn't hide it anymore and slammed my drawing board thingy on the desk.
I wanted to tell that guy, "No thanks," but then I could hear my mom's voice in my head, "Now, don't hurt his feelings..." so I'd clam up, but the anger came out. - Quote:
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*Not to give you the wrong idea; I didn't solicit these guys for a dance. They asked me; I accepted a dance. While I'm fairly old fashioned, I don't think it's wrong for a lady to ask a guy for a dance or for a date.
I don't think I'd personally feel comfortable doing so, but I don't knock women who do it. (Although some of the advice books I've read tell ladies to refrain from it - they advise you to let the man make the first move). - Quote:
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One guy was getting a little too freaky, 'cause he urged me to "groan like you makin' love". Ew! Double "ew" and a great big ICK! What kind of guy thinks stuff like that is going to win a gal over???
For various reasons, I cannot and do not go to nightclubs / bars.
One reason being I'm terribly introverted, can't handle loud / crowded places, and those sorts of places / situations give me anxiety attacks. Sometimes the music is so loud in bars and clubs you can't even hear what the guys (or your female friends) are saying to you.
My sister used to take me to those kinds of places back when I was in my early/ mid 20s, but I always felt so incredibly uncomfortable in them.
"groan like you makin' love" --- Barf-o-rama. Use those sick-face emoticons!
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flea dip
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Jun 30 2006, 11:56 AM
Post #11
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Rock Star From Mars
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"www. dont date him girl .com?" 
Man Sues Creator of Date-Warning Web Site- June 30, 2006
PITTSBURGH — A city attorney is suing the creator of a Web site that lets women dish dirt on men they claim have wronged them, saying they made defamatory statements about him.
Attorney Todd J. Hollis sued because he contends two Pittsburgh-area women and other anonymous users posted items about him on http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com in which they claim he is unfaithful, among other things, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported Thursday.
Hollis filed the suit Thursday in Allegheny County against Tasha C. Joseph of Miami, who created the site, which bills itself as a "cost-effective weapon in the war on cheating men."
Joseph, 33, a former columnist for the Miami Herald, said any man can post a rebuttal on the site.
Lida Rodriguez-Taseff, an attorney representing Joseph, said the site is no different than the proverbial coffee shop where people go and chitchat."
"You would never think of holding the coffee shop owner liable because other people went in and defamed other people," Rodriguez-Taseff said.
Hollis' suit contends Joseph "conspired with disingenuous people whose only agenda is to attack the character of those individuals who have been identified on the site."
Hollis, 38, a criminal attorney for 12 years, also said the site does not have safeguards in place to ensure the truthfulness of items posted on it.
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flea dip
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Nov 13 2009, 05:46 PM
Post #12
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Rock Star From Mars
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Ok Stupid- All the stupid from okcupid
A few months ago, I signed up for an OkCupid.com account.
5 minutes after signing up, before having even written my profile, I started to recieve messages. Since then, I've recieved between 1 and 10 messages from random strangers every day.
I'm not going to tell you my name, or username, or the usernames of anyone featured on this site. All I will say is that I am a young woman, and I will post up some of the most interesting messages I get sent day to day.
To contribute a message you've been sent, e-mail me at hello@okstupid.net
Samples:- From a conspicuously picture-less suitor
September 27, 2009 • Comments
whoa, so do you want to meet up? I’m hotter that you, but I’d be prepared to have sex with you ; )
Popularity: 56% [?]
Tagged as: blunt, insulting, lame, special snowflake you had me till the bad grammer September 11, 2009 • Comments
You know you get will approached on here by older men wanting to f*ck the life out of you,with there massive c*cks…And i guess i am one of them ,do you fancy a go xx
Popularity: 47% [?]
Tagged as: blunt, gross, naughty, weird
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flea dip
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Jan 6 2010, 10:28 PM
Post #13
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Rock Star From Mars
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Dating Site ["BeautifulPeople.com"] Flags Fatties
'Fatties' booted from BeautifulPeople.com
Canadians among thousands kicked off "beautiful" people site for gaining weight
Web site expels 5000 members [for gaining weight]- If losing weight and finding that special someone both made it on your list of resolutions this year, take note. Going to the web site beautifulpeople.com may not be the best idea.
Roughly 5,000 members of the site soon became former members after posting pictures that seemed to indicate that they may have put on a few pounds over the holidays.
If the site's name wasn't indication enough, being a member is all based on looks. You can't join unless other members give the OK that you are good looking enough to mix with them. That must be very exclusive company since the site bills itself as "the sexiest website in the world today."
The site's founder, Robert Hintze, said he was sad to lose members but that "letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded."
Stay classy guys.
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