Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to the Heavenly Host Elementary School: A Corpse Party Forum. We hope you enjoy your visit.

You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.

Join our community!

If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Trapped in anime; アニメの中に閉じ込め Anime no naka ni tojikome
Topic Started: May 15, 2014, 6:30 pm (3,894 Views)
Souly
Member Avatar
♪ Piece of Garbage ♪
Oh no. I think I like this Tony.

I enjoyed it! I laughed a little as well. I look forward to the upcoming chapters--
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

Ah? Ah? What's wrong with a little f i l t h in your life?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Shigitou burikaa
Member Avatar
give me a reason to care once more. new mod for the grt. -in sachiko I trust-

ITS FINALLY
Spoiler: click to toggle
FINISHED!
Edited by Shigitou burikaa, May 27, 2014, 6:51 pm.
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image Posted ImagePosted Image
Posted Imageste teraz mojej obete. Vitajte v mojom herňa, zvieratko. Ja som teraz mučiť vás.Posted Image
.
~ポケウォーズ9000™
i am servent to no one.
I'm married to nana!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Shigitou burikaa
Member Avatar
give me a reason to care once more. new mod for the grt. -in sachiko I trust-

Next: chapter 1. HETALIA
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image Posted ImagePosted Image
Posted Imageste teraz mojej obete. Vitajte v mojom herňa, zvieratko. Ja som teraz mučiť vás.Posted Image
.
~ポケウォーズ9000™
i am servent to no one.
I'm married to nana!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Yoshie Shinozaki
Member Avatar
The First Victim
Awesome, I'm looking forward to it.
(Though I'm unfamiliar with most of the anime they're being thrown into except for Helsing, Bleach somewhat and Black Butler so I think this will be a good way to get into the rest of the shows)
Once again, looking forward to chapter one.
"I Return This Nightmare. I Will Find You. Sleepless, Cloaked In Despair. I'm Behind You. Man Has Made Me Oh So Strong. Blurring Lines Of Right And Wrong. Far Too Late For Frail Amends. Now It's Come To Sweet Revenge. Desperate Hands That Lose Control. Have No Mercy On Your Soul."- Here Comes Revenge By Metallica.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Shigitou burikaa
Member Avatar
give me a reason to care once more. new mod for the grt. -in sachiko I trust-

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Up next is a more complicated section and I don't have time to write it down on paper, so p.m. Me if I made an error
The reason why it's complicated is because, well, it wont make any sense unless i make the full story of corpse party first. I know that you guys would love to see my story of corpse party first, but I put it last because, "kinda like cp itself " the whole story revolves around what happened in tenjin. Like you won't get the 1st through 5th chapters because something bad was about to happen
So let me know now, before I write the first chapter, what I should do. Opinions are always welcome!
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image Posted ImagePosted Image
Posted Imageste teraz mojej obete. Vitajte v mojom herňa, zvieratko. Ja som teraz mučiť vás.Posted Image
.
~ポケウォーズ9000™
i am servent to no one.
I'm married to nana!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Yoshie Shinozaki
Member Avatar
The First Victim
All I can say is go with the direction you feel is the best for your story.
If its easier for you to write about the Corpse Party setting first but you want to save it for the finale... Go for it.
If it was my story, I'd move into the Hetalia setting first to help give it a proper buildup for the ending.
Ultimately, it's your story arc and if it doesn't seem to make sense to others right away, the ending will tie up some loose ends.
As a wise man once said... "Limiting yourself to please the audience is bulls***"

All in all, write what you feel is best for you and your story.
I think everyone will enjoy the ride to the end regardless.(I know I will)
Edited by Yoshie Shinozaki, May 26, 2014, 10:47 am.
"I Return This Nightmare. I Will Find You. Sleepless, Cloaked In Despair. I'm Behind You. Man Has Made Me Oh So Strong. Blurring Lines Of Right And Wrong. Far Too Late For Frail Amends. Now It's Come To Sweet Revenge. Desperate Hands That Lose Control. Have No Mercy On Your Soul."- Here Comes Revenge By Metallica.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Cain Marder
Member Avatar
Obergefreiter
This was really good, as Yoshie said, I will look forward for the next part of it ^_^
Spoiler: click to toggle

Posted Image
" ... You welcome, I love you ... Ima gonna die now... Oh shit, here they come, I'm fuckin' dead, this car has no traction... NOO!! Don't kill me!! Anything but this! WHY I'M MAKIN' DONUTS?!?!"

" This keer Posted Image !!!"
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Sammiya
Member Avatar
Damned
U-um, some constructive criticism... Try to divide out your story into different paragraphs, please. It's hard to read when it's all bunched up like that, and it's easy to lose your place/skip lines.

I just tried to read it but couldn't because I kept on missing lines. What I was able to read before giving up due to the formatting was good so far, though!

A-an example using part of your prologue:
Quote:
 
It was a nice, sunny, Tuesday afternoon and there was an Anime convention going on. A group of friends decided to meet up at the entrance way and their names are: Andrew, tony, Jessica, Ashton, Kyle, Sierra and Hanna. Each of the friends cosplays as their favorite anime characters. The first member at the convention was Sierra and she dressed up as a female version of Sebastian Phantomhive from Black Butler. Sierra waited 5 minutes at the entrance way until the rest of her friends came, each of them arrived one minute after another. The second member to arrive was Andrew; whom cosplayed as Italy from Hetalia. The third member was Jessica who carried a sword and dyed her brown hair, to a vivid orange color that resembled Ichigo from Bleach. The forth member was tony, who wore a black and white tuxedo to supposedly resemble monokuma from Danganronpa. The fifth member was Hanna and she dressed up as Erza Skarlet from fairy Tail. The sixth member was Ashton and he cosplayed as Alucard from Hellsing.

"Well, hello everyone." Sierra greeted " I see that we all cosplayed as characters from different animes" Sierra concluded.

"Yeah, can't say that I'm not surprised" Jessica said.

"Hmm, there sure are a lot of people here!" Ashton said.

"HA! More like weaboo trash! The only reason I'm here is just to see all of my fans." Tony said with pride."
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Shigitou burikaa
Member Avatar
give me a reason to care once more. new mod for the grt. -in sachiko I trust-

Sammiya
May 27, 2014, 6:31 pm
U-um, some constructive criticism... Try to divide out your story into different paragraphs, please. It's hard to read when it's all bunched up like that, and it's easy to lose your place/skip lines.

I just tried to read it but couldn't because I kept on missing lines. What I was able to read before giving up due to the formatting was good so far, though!

A-an example using part of your prologue:
Quote:
 
It was a nice, sunny, Tuesday afternoon and there was an Anime convention going on. A group of friends decided to meet up at the entrance way and their names are: Andrew, tony, Jessica, Ashton, Kyle, Sierra and Hanna. Each of the friends cosplays as their favorite anime characters. The first member at the convention was Sierra and she dressed up as a female version of Sebastian Phantomhive from Black Butler. Sierra waited 5 minutes at the entrance way until the rest of her friends came, each of them arrived one minute after another. The second member to arrive was Andrew; whom cosplayed as Italy from Hetalia. The third member was Jessica who carried a sword and dyed her brown hair, to a vivid orange color that resembled Ichigo from Bleach. The forth member was tony, who wore a black and white tuxedo to supposedly resemble monokuma from Danganronpa. The fifth member was Hanna and she dressed up as Erza Skarlet from fairy Tail. The sixth member was Ashton and he cosplayed as Alucard from Hellsing.

"Well, hello everyone." Sierra greeted " I see that we all cosplayed as characters from different animes" Sierra concluded.

"Yeah, can't say that I'm not surprised" Jessica said.

"Hmm, there sure are a lot of people here!" Ashton said.

"HA! More like weaboo trash! The only reason I'm here is just to see all of my fans." Tony said with pride."
Oh, you see, that's what I was thinking of doing, but I was worried about what others may say so I didn't do it. But now that you bring it up, I say. Ok. I will see what I can do to the prologue to make it better
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image Posted ImagePosted Image
Posted Imageste teraz mojej obete. Vitajte v mojom herňa, zvieratko. Ja som teraz mučiť vás.Posted Image
.
~ポケウォーズ9000™
i am servent to no one.
I'm married to nana!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Shigitou burikaa
Member Avatar
give me a reason to care once more. new mod for the grt. -in sachiko I trust-

Sammiya
May 27, 2014, 6:31 pm
U-um, some constructive criticism... Try to divide out your story into different paragraphs, please. It's hard to read when it's all bunched up like that, and it's easy to lose your place/skip lines.

I just tried to read it but couldn't because I kept on missing lines. What I was able to read before giving up due to the formatting was good so far, though!

A-an example using part of your prologue:
Quote:
 
It was a nice, sunny, Tuesday afternoon and there was an Anime convention going on. A group of friends decided to meet up at the entrance way and their names are: Andrew, tony, Jessica, Ashton, Kyle, Sierra and Hanna. Each of the friends cosplays as their favorite anime characters. The first member at the convention was Sierra and she dressed up as a female version of Sebastian Phantomhive from Black Butler. Sierra waited 5 minutes at the entrance way until the rest of her friends came, each of them arrived one minute after another. The second member to arrive was Andrew; whom cosplayed as Italy from Hetalia. The third member was Jessica who carried a sword and dyed her brown hair, to a vivid orange color that resembled Ichigo from Bleach. The forth member was tony, who wore a black and white tuxedo to supposedly resemble monokuma from Danganronpa. The fifth member was Hanna and she dressed up as Erza Skarlet from fairy Tail. The sixth member was Ashton and he cosplayed as Alucard from Hellsing.

"Well, hello everyone." Sierra greeted " I see that we all cosplayed as characters from different animes" Sierra concluded.

"Yeah, can't say that I'm not surprised" Jessica said.

"Hmm, there sure are a lot of people here!" Ashton said.

"HA! More like weaboo trash! The only reason I'm here is just to see all of my fans." Tony said with pride."
There, view it now
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image Posted ImagePosted Image
Posted Imageste teraz mojej obete. Vitajte v mojom herňa, zvieratko. Ja som teraz mučiť vás.Posted Image
.
~ポケウォーズ9000™
i am servent to no one.
I'm married to nana!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Enjoy forums? Start your own community for free.
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · Cursed Art Room · Next Topic »
Add Reply