Venting Topic

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Venting Topic
Topic Started: August 18, 2012, 11:26 pm (17,062 Views)
Rashira Asavara	January 2, 2013, 2:11 pm Post #111
The friendly Tiger that LOVES to RP =^,..,^= Posts: 365 Group: Banned Member #212 Joined: 12/06/12 Country None Location: Michigan, USA	I know how you guys feel pretty well. I feel like a train wreck all the time. This is long, so it's in a spoiler. Spoiler: click to toggle Just...so many problems I've pent up, and never let out. I'm mostly talking about the love problems that everyone is talking about. I met a girl in the 9th grade. I had a crush on her, but it was nothing huge. I couldn't bring myself to ask her out, because I'm terrible with girls, and I knew she wouldn't like me back. There was a short time when I thought maybe I had a chance, due to the way she was acting around me, and being affectionate, but I soon learned that she is just an affectionate person, and it meant she thought I was a good friend. The next year, 10th grade, is when I really fell for this girl. As far as I knew, she was single. I tried, really hard, to try and get close with her, but I soon discovered she had a boyfriend. An internet boyfriend. Needless to say, it hurt. But I kept ever so gently trying to push my way in. I figured "It's an internet relationship, and it's on the rocks." as they were having some troubles. Mostly due to frustrations because they lived in different states. I have her a shoulder to lean on. I gave her an ear to talk to, and I was cool with being woken up a 3:00 IN THE FUCKING MORNING to listen to her talk about this boy, and even try to give her advice, seeing as I'm a guy. Summer after 11th grade, I made a stupid mistake. I got caught shoplifting a video game at my local Kmart. I got arrested, and was held in a cell at the police department for six hours, until my ma came and bailed me out. I got home at 11:00 that night, and the first thing I did, was call all my friends and tell them what i did, and that I was sorry I worried everyone, and I'm sorry I'm a screw up. Who was the first person I call? HER. Not my best friend, whom I had know for 8 years prior to this, no, I called HER. Because I was in love with her, I felt I owed the biggest apology to her. A couple days later, I find out that not only had she been single, and broken up with her internet boyfriend, but she was in another relationship. She was in a relationship with my second best friend. The same guy, who in the 9th grade, was the first to tell me I should ask her out. The same guy that supported my feelings for her the entire time, and encouraged me when I felt it wasn't worth the effort. The same guy, who volunteered to steer clear of anything that might cause the two of them to begin to like each other, even though I didn't ask him too. And yeah, I was sad and depressed for a while, but I got over it, and I began to feel happy for the two of them. I never held it against either of them, cause one cannot really help who one falls in love with. I still have a very close friendship with my second best friend. We don't hang out much IRL, due to how far apart we live (we live in separate school districts, and I went to his on school of choice) but we play Halo and stuff on Xbox almost every other day over xbox live. I don't have any sort of friendship with the girl any more, but that is a different situation unrelated to all this. So it's not the fact that they hooked up that really bothers me. It's something else. About six months after the fact, I texted up my friend, and I asked him something. "Did she ever find out I had feelings for her, or does she still not know?" At that point, it really didn't matter much, I had moved on, but I was kinda curious. He replied. "She knew all along." He told me about how when they decided to be a couple, he told her about my feelings. He liked her, but I'm one of his best friends, just like how he's one of mine, so he respected the fact that I pretty much saw her first. He told her. She told him that she knew the ENTIRE time. The ENTIRE three years I had had a crush, and then was in love with her, she knew there was always some sort of romantic interest for her inside of me. She knew, and yet, the entire time, she strung me along, and made me feel like I had any sort of chance to be with her. She played with my emotions, and then tossed me to the side when she got who she wanted. I'm not mad that I didn't get to be with her. I'm mad that she didn't have the common courtesy to tell me she didn't feel that way for me. I wasted THREE YEARS of my life, dreaming of the day I would hold her hand, and know that she was mine. And she never truly gave a damn. Edited by Rashira Asavara, January 2, 2013, 2:11 pm.
	Would you like to help support my gaming habit? (and get free stuff for yourself as well) Please use my ref links! http://www.tremorgames.com/?ref=349227 http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/Rashira


Yoshiki Kishinuma	January 3, 2013, 12:28 am Post #112
*The Hero of Another Story* Posts: 1,091 Group: Members Member #194 Joined: 11/18/12 Gender Male Country Philippines	Rashira.Asavara January 2, 2013, 2:11 pm The next year, 10th grade, is when I really fell for this girl. As far as I knew, she was single. Needless to say, it hurt. But I kept ever so gently trying to push my way in. I figured "It's an internet relationship, and it's on the rocks." as they were having some troubles. Mostly due to frustrations because they lived in different states. I have her a shoulder to lean on. I gave her an ear to talk to, and I was cool with being woken up a 3:00 IN THE FUCKING MORNING to listen to her talk about this boy, and even try to give her advice, seeing as I'm a guy. Damn. Seems like a Yoshiki x Ayumi relationship. Spoiler: click to toggle Summer after 11th grade, I made a stupid mistake. I got caught shoplifting a video game at my local Kmart. I got arrested, and was held in a cell at the police department for six hours, until my ma came and bailed me out. Kinda disappointed you were shoplifting. Though it was very brave of you to tell everyone about it.
	_{“I'm telling you I LOVE YOU, GODDAMMIT!}_” Yoshiki Kishinuma


superdubes	January 3, 2013, 6:16 am Post #113
The horror. Posts: 997 Group: Members Member #37 Joined: 05/08/12 Gender Male Country United States	I want to apologize to everyone again. I just get so stuck in my own head sometimes and get really down. It's even gotten me to the point where I'm thinking things that I know I shouldn't. I just get upset about the things I draw and them not being anywhere near how I want them to be, and the fact that I've been without a car since mid-November means when I get upset I can't just drive to forget about it. I'm forced to just sit here and deal with my "dark passenger" as Dexter would call it. It's not so much impulses like his, I'm for too much a pacifist to actually hurt anyone, but thoughts about hurting myself because I'm not worth the air I breathe. What scares me the most is that I was finally starting to feel happy, and then I'm falling right back into the depression. When I was 22 there was a long period of at least 8 months where I just wanted to die. I would never actually kill myself, but I wanted to die. I spoke with a nurse on campus a couple of months ago, and she asked me what I would wish for if I found a genie. I didn't even have to think about it, and the answer kinda scared me. I told her that I wanted to be erased. Not just killed, but wiped from existence Heavenly Host style. I didn't want anyone to have to worry about where I had gone or what had happened to me. I just wanted to be gone. The thing with me is I don't allow myself to make friends. The thought of someone getting close enough to me to possibly hurt me is a thought that I don't stomach well. I don't think this is a real thing, but Evangelion gave me a name for it, by saying that it's called the Hedgehog's Dilemma. As much as I don't want anyone to hurt me I also don't want to hurt anyone else. I'm sure you've noticed I'm always apologizing for even tiny things I do or say. I've spent the last couple of days just crying. I don't know why I'm crying, but I can't stop. I try my hardest to put on a happy face when speaking with others, but sometimes it's really hard. That's when I make posts like my last one in this topic saying I'm going to stop posting. I feel like I need to explain that as well. When I joined here it was a relatively small community. I'm glad it's getting larger, but it means that there are a lot of names that I don't recognize. As stated before I have a hard time with getting to know people, and this has been something that has put me a little on edge. To the point where I rarely ever really post outside of when I was making a riddle in the now dead riddle topic or telling someone happy birthday, even if I didn't know the name. I don't want to seem like I'm rude, and if I seem that way I'm sorry. I'm done pushing my crap pictures down people's throats, and I'm done trying to make game topics, because they always end up falling flat. I'm just going to keep to myself when here so not to bug anyone anymore. I don't expect this long post to be read at all, but if you did read it I'm sorry for wasting your time.



DeathkaiserG	January 3, 2013, 10:46 am Post #114
Faraway Black Jewel Posts: 2,605 Group: Members Member #13 Joined: 03/08/12 Gender Male Country Philippines Location: Heavenly Host! DUH!	It's okay to post like that for once in a while...after all this is a venting topic, its actually pretty healthy to post something like this once in a while..tell someone your troubles..its never a waste of time when it comes to this.. And dubes, I appologize if you feel ignored here..its not that i actually dont want to post in your threads or find your art annoying, its just that i find it difficult to post in your threads.. Im going to be frank here...to be honest, I was actually cheating on your game..aside from the snorlax riddle..thats why I cant answer a single damn thing on your mystery case...im really a f'ing piece of stupidity...about your art..its not actually my cup of tea and you might find my comments very offensive...I really try not to comment it at all I'm sorry dubes.. Even in the internet, im still a two faced liar But I really have fun in your companionship dubes and that isnt a lie
	"It is way easier to sneak past a dead person." -- Killian (Killian Experience)


Diabolic	January 3, 2013, 11:39 am Post #115
When you and your girl weren't ready for what happened next. Posts: 1,002 Group: Global Moderators Member #115 Joined: 09/10/12 Gender Male Country United States Location: The moon cell, again.	Well, I realized something as of late; I'm actually a pretty horrible person when it comes to personal events in my life. See, for as long as I could remember, I've hated celebrating just about anything that pertained to me. For example, when I turned 21 recently, I did absolutely nothing that day. I sat at home, on my computer, and played my PSP. Not because I couldn't do anything to celebrate, I just loathe the very idea of doing so. That's not to say I hate celebrating things like holidays and other such events, I just don't like it when they revolve around me, and I know it's an irrational way of feeling. It's just how I feel, and Lord knows I've tried to change that way of thinking, but I can't for some reason. For my birthday, everyone I would have liked to hang out with for the day all suggested doing something different from what we normally did, which actually bugged me big time. Why should I have to do something different from what I normally enjoy doing just because it's my birthday? It's my birthday, I'll do whatever I damn well please. Hell, you all here are probably the ones who have heard the most out of me that day. That's not why I'm posting, that's just to give an example of what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is something my dad said that he probably didn't want me to hear. See, after Christmas, we sent my younger brother to live with my Dad for reasons that I've already posted here. While I was at his place, I overheard him and my bro talking about school, life in general, and a bunch of other stuff. My Dad said that he didn't want to miss the chance to see BOTH of his sons graduating high school. Here's where it gets kind of depressing; I certainly graduated high school, and it's not like he wasn't invited to graduation just because he lived out of state, it's because I skipped my own high school graduation. Why did I skip my graduation? Simple; I couldn't care less about it. Everyone I told expressed their opinions/disappointment when they heard my decision about it. I just told them that I didn't feel like standing around in the hot sun with a gown and a suit under that gown, and I didn't feel like standing there with people that I didn't particularly care for, to accept a piece of paper that didn't do anything other than grant me admission to college. It's not that I was picked on in school, I was a face in the crowd, I had people I liked and people I didn't. The part that gets me though is that my Dad went on to say that, despite me not being at the graduation myself and me telling him that I wasn't going to be there, he went and stopped by just so he could hear my name be called on the list of people who graduated. Basically, I feel like an asshole. I denied my Dad something he was waiting to see since I was born, seeing me graduate from High School, and it kinda makes me sick with myself when I think about it. It makes me think who else I took that away from like my Mom or other family members, and what else I'll probably deny them the chance to see. I still very much hate celebrations/parties/anything that takes more effort than what I care to put into it. I'll probably skip my College Graduation, if I ever meet someone again and we decide to get married, I will beg and plead my wife that we just elope or something instead of having a huge ceremony. But it pains me that if those things end up going as I plan them, I'll be letting down my parents and family and friends who want to see those things for me and celebrate them with me. Honestly, I'm not even sure I should be wasting time posting this. Even I think it's petty of me, and everyone else seems to be going through some real stuff. (Dubes, you're not bugging anyone at all. You're a beloved member of this community, and no one here wants you gone. If nothing else, remember that, man.) Actually, this is the least of my worries compared to the crap I don't feel the need to talk about, I just wanted to get this off of my chest.
	A tumblr? What's that? Can I eat it? Would you leave your lives to chance? What if I told you...you didn't have a choice? Swiggity Swag, Akihiko's in the bag! Have y'all seen my business card yet?


Yoshiki Kishinuma	January 3, 2013, 11:58 am Post #116
*The Hero of Another Story* Posts: 1,091 Group: Members Member #194 Joined: 11/18/12 Gender Male Country Philippines	superdubes January 3, 2013, 6:16 am I want to apologize to everyone again. I just get so stuck in my own head sometimes and get really down. It's even gotten me to the point where I'm thinking things that I know I shouldn't. I just get upset about the things I draw and them not being anywhere near how I want them to be, and the fact that I've been without a car since mid-November means when I get upset I can't just drive to forget about it. I'm forced to just sit here and deal with my "dark passenger" as Dexter would call it. It's not so much impulses like his, I'm for too much a pacifist to actually hurt anyone, but thoughts about hurting myself because I'm not worth the air I breathe. What scares me the most is that I was finally starting to feel happy, and then I'm falling right back into the depression. When I was 22 there was a long period of at least 8 months where I just wanted to die. I would never actually kill myself, but I wanted to die. Yeah. I feel that way all the time. I want to, with all my heart, to just end it all. Maybe jump off a building. But I don't have the guts. It's things like this that make me glad I'm a coward. I spoke with a nurse on campus a couple of months ago, and she asked me what I would wish for if I found a genie. I didn't even have to think about it, and the answer kinda scared me. I told her that I wanted to be erased. Not just killed, but wiped from existence Heavenly Host style. I didn't want anyone to have to worry about where I had gone or what had happened to me. I just wanted to be gone. The thing with me is I don't allow myself to make friends. The thought of someone getting close enough to me to possibly hurt me is a thought that I don't stomach well. I don't think this is a real thing, but Evangelion gave me a name for it, by saying that it's called the Hedgehog's Dilemma. As much as I don't want anyone to hurt me I also don't want to hurt anyone else. I'm sure you've noticed I'm always apologizing for even tiny things I do or say. Quote: I've spent the last couple of days just crying. I don't know why I'm crying, but I can't stop. I try my hardest to put on a happy face when speaking with others, but sometimes it's really hard. That's when I make posts like my last one in this topic saying I'm going to stop posting. I feel like I need to explain that as well. Yup. I know how that feels. I sometimes get really depressed, tell everyone I'm leaving, but then I'm reminded of the community. Then I want to come back when I feel better. Do yourself a favor. Take a break if you need to. Write a story, etc. Anything that makes you happy. I never really got over my depression, but I realized how great my friends really are.
	_{“I'm telling you I LOVE YOU, GODDAMMIT!}_” Yoshiki Kishinuma


superdubes	January 3, 2013, 12:01 pm Post #117
The horror. Posts: 997 Group: Members Member #37 Joined: 05/08/12 Gender Male Country United States	@Diabolic You have to remember that it's your life and not theirs Diabolic. Why suffer through something that you don't want to just so someone else can be like, "Yeah, I was there." If you want to do it for their sake there is nothing wrong with that, but you shouldn't feel obligated to do it. @DKG I knew you were using google so no worries there. Your answers always came so quick and to the point, but when I would post one I wrote myself you didn't show up lol. Also, I know my drawings are crap. That's why I post them to try to get some kind of critique to get better. I'm the type of person that I'd rather be hated on than ignored. I draw when I get upset to make myself feel better. I don't do it because I think that I'm a gift to the world of art. I don't even consider the stuff I draw art myself. Like I said though I'm not going to do it anymore because no one wants to post in anything I create so there's no point wasting energy and getting upset about it.



Yoshiki Kishinuma	January 3, 2013, 12:03 pm Post #118
*The Hero of Another Story* Posts: 1,091 Group: Members Member #194 Joined: 11/18/12 Gender Male Country Philippines	diabolic1213 January 3, 2013, 11:39 am Basically, I feel like an asshole. I denied my Dad something he was waiting to see since I was born, seeing me graduate from High School, and it kinda makes me sick with myself when I think about it. It makes me think who else I took that away from like my Mom or other family members, and what else I'll probably deny them the chance to see. I still very much hate celebrations/parties/anything that takes more effort than what I care to put into it. I'll probably skip my College Graduation, if I ever meet someone again and we decide to get married, I will beg and plead my wife that we just elope or something instead of having a huge ceremony. But it pains me that if those things end up going as I plan them, I'll be letting down my parents and family and friends who want to see those things for me and celebrate them with me. Honestly, I'm not even sure I should be wasting time posting this. Even I think it's petty of me, and everyone else seems to be going through some real stuff. (Dubes, you're not bugging anyone at all. You're a beloved member of this community, and no one here wants you gone. If nothing else, remember that, man.) Actually, this is the least of my worries compared to the crap I don't feel the need to talk about, I just wanted to get this off of my chest. Wow... that's kind of depressing. Here are some quotes for you. "Nothing hard is worth it. Sacrificing is giving up something you want now, for something you want more later." "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe."
	_{“I'm telling you I LOVE YOU, GODDAMMIT!}_” Yoshiki Kishinuma


Diabolic	January 3, 2013, 12:13 pm Post #119
When you and your girl weren't ready for what happened next. Posts: 1,002 Group: Global Moderators Member #115 Joined: 09/10/12 Gender Male Country United States Location: The moon cell, again.	@Dubes: That's what I'm thinking, but then I remember how much my parents and family have done for me and I end up thinking 'Wow, the least I could have done was suck it up and went through it.' But you are right, though, I appreciate the feedback and the reassurance that I'm not really a bad person for feeling that way. Thank you. @BROshiki: That second quote cheered me up big time, actually, thanks! I think I'll start using that one on a regular basis Edited by Diabolic, January 3, 2013, 12:14 pm.
	A tumblr? What's that? Can I eat it? Would you leave your lives to chance? What if I told you...you didn't have a choice? Swiggity Swag, Akihiko's in the bag! Have y'all seen my business card yet?


Yoshiki Kishinuma	January 3, 2013, 12:43 pm Post #120
*The Hero of Another Story* Posts: 1,091 Group: Members Member #194 Joined: 11/18/12 Gender Male Country Philippines	diabolic1213 January 3, 2013, 12:13 pm @BROshiki: That second quote cheered me up big time, actually, thanks! I think I'll start using that one on a regular basis Heh, one of my favorite quotes too.
	_{“I'm telling you I LOVE YOU, GODDAMMIT!}_” Yoshiki Kishinuma


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