...This has been a month of disappointment for me so far, last week, I hurt my foot during work after jumping from an I-Beam that was six feet in the air, landing onto a long, wooden mat.
Just yesterday, I got to go to work, and now I have the same problem, I'm stuck at home yet again due to my stubborn pride, causing me to hurt my foot for the second time around.(And it's worse, I can barely stand on my feet)
Not to mention, I'm going to have two weeks off because of the holidays so this is gonna hurt my family financially.(You guys know how the holidays are)
We can barely afford food and household supplies, much less lousy Christmas presents for everyone and ourselves.
And on top of that, I had already went to the hospital because of my foot, and I hope I won't have to go again since our health insurance sucks.
But what upsets me the most is that I think I've disappointed my dad, I'm very fearful that I've done something to upset him and my mom.

You were working your ass off. You just wanted to hurry up and keep working, so that why (I'd assume) you jumped off.
Seriously though, your beating yourself too much. You'll figure something out, just believe in yourself.

I'm really sorry, but I just wanna freaking help at least cheer ya up a little bit. I've never worked before, or had to keep a group stable financially with just my income, so I don't know what it's like. Just... hang in there, I guess.................?

Ah... There's this constricting feeling in my chest right now. It's not out of physical reasons, I know, but I just feel emotional right now. I can't believe an anime made me feel this way, and I guess it dug up some less brighter stuff in me.

There's these characters that I relate to in ways. When I was younger, I always excelled in things, and no, this isn't to show off. It's just the way it was before. As I grew older, I lagged behind others, and I lost interest in catching up. I thought to myself that I wasn't like them, machine-like in producing good results, so I gave up. But seeing as they had better things that me, even with all the burden they have just to do good, I felt really stupid. They really weren't like machines at all, just that I tell myself they slave away for all that excellence. It was just me trying to console myself. Honestly, even giving up excellence, I had a way worse social and emotional satisfaction that them, nevermind the physical satisfaction. Haha... I didn't just stop catching up, I wasted away in a sense. Socially, I became more and more alone. Sometimes, I try to change that, and in some times, I get their attention. But it's very vivid to me, those time where I try and I get drowned away by others. Not blaming them, of course, but it still kinda stings when I give my thoughts and end up unheard. It's not even the kind of situation where they didn't hear, but ask about it, I was simply left alone. Even family matters have times where I'm socially unable to perform. Ah, that time where I just kept talking to myself to vent. Haha... Wait, I was actually talking to a pillow, which sounds more silly than depressing, I guess. And kinda ironic, since there was a time that my cousin vented to me, and yet I can't bring myself to ask for it as well. As far as venting by myself went, it got really dark, so I won't elaborate much on that...

But it's not like nothing changed now. I got reminded by watching Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso earlier, no matter how silly that may sound. Before, during times where I feel down, I always told myself to try and act like a machine; just follow and do what you're told. It's like switching off your own will just to avoid feeling worse and just going with the flow of what you're expected to do. That was before, but now, I strive to become more open. Sure, I may end up become more offensive and loud, but I don't want to bottle things too much anymore. When I feel down, I have hobbies that I love doing now. Whenever I feel sad, mad, or any strong feeling, I get the huge urge to pour them out in singing, even if it's not too impressive. I try and look forward and not let the bad keep me from being happy. I do my best to change myself to be better. There definitely are times where I fall back to my old ways, but I think I'm slowly becoming better now.

And just watching Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso made me remember that. (I want to use a smiley, but it doesn't seem appropriate for the text. Haha.)

I'm currently on that boat with failing to catch up with work, haha... School is stressful, especially when under no circumstances are you allowed to have anything below a B.

While I may not know how you were before, Sky, I think you are definitely a great person and you are pretty cool, haha. I hope you reach that mental peak of being satisfied with yourself completely.