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Random Writing; Because I can't think of a better title for the thread.
Topic Started: July 17, 2015, 9:13 pm (265 Views)
Yoshie Shinozaki
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The First Victim
Greetings one and all, Yoshie speaking. After what feels like ages, I've began writing some fanfics spawned from sheer random thought.(Either my own thoughts or my little brother's ideas)
So to start this crazy train, I wrote an explanatory page regarding my current writing project.(Not exactly saying it's all One-Shots but the stories themselves are random)
Anyway, here's my explanation... Enjoy.

The Greatest Crossover Fanfic Ever.(Working title)

Explanation


Hope that wasn't too mind rotting for ya. I shall return with what I've come up with soon.
"I Return This Nightmare. I Will Find You. Sleepless, Cloaked In Despair. I'm Behind You. Man Has Made Me Oh So Strong. Blurring Lines Of Right And Wrong. Far Too Late For Frail Amends. Now It's Come To Sweet Revenge. Desperate Hands That Lose Control. Have No Mercy On Your Soul."- Here Comes Revenge By Metallica.
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Shigitou burikaa
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give me a reason to care once more. new mod for the grt. -in sachiko I trust-

The last sentence lost me. I just died laughing.

Shīgitou approved. Let 'thou story's comith, gr'master. ^^
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image Posted ImagePosted Image
Posted Imageste teraz mojej obete. Vitajte v mojom herňa, zvieratko. Ja som teraz mučiť vás.Posted Image
.
~ポケウォーズ9000™
i am servent to no one.
I'm married to nana!
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Yoshie Shinozaki
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The First Victim
Thanks bro, glad ya liked my explanation, that was inspired by what may have been the early stages of a heat stroke.(Seriously, I was baking under the Sun to a point of hysteria)

Okay, as you wish, here is the grounds for a Legend Of Zelda Fic. It's a little on the profane side but I censored it for the most part.(Believe me, the original version is a lot more vulgar)

Prologue
Hope it was okay so far. Any questions?
"I Return This Nightmare. I Will Find You. Sleepless, Cloaked In Despair. I'm Behind You. Man Has Made Me Oh So Strong. Blurring Lines Of Right And Wrong. Far Too Late For Frail Amends. Now It's Come To Sweet Revenge. Desperate Hands That Lose Control. Have No Mercy On Your Soul."- Here Comes Revenge By Metallica.
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Yoshie Shinozaki
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The First Victim
Alrighty, I pumped out a new page. It's actually making me want to play Ocarina Of Time again just so I can see how much I can mess with it.
Anyway, let me know what ya think so far.
Shield And Sword

"I Return This Nightmare. I Will Find You. Sleepless, Cloaked In Despair. I'm Behind You. Man Has Made Me Oh So Strong. Blurring Lines Of Right And Wrong. Far Too Late For Frail Amends. Now It's Come To Sweet Revenge. Desperate Hands That Lose Control. Have No Mercy On Your Soul."- Here Comes Revenge By Metallica.
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Shigitou burikaa
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give me a reason to care once more. new mod for the grt. -in sachiko I trust-

Hey gm. I have a question that was probably asked by me already.
Why the hell havent you made stories before? Because I freaking love them.

Keep it up, gm.
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image Posted ImagePosted Image
Posted Imageste teraz mojej obete. Vitajte v mojom herňa, zvieratko. Ja som teraz mučiť vás.Posted Image
.
~ポケウォーズ9000™
i am servent to no one.
I'm married to nana!
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7thPhantom
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The Phantom Mage of 1991.
7 words am i gonna say for this: Awesomeness just reached a whole new level.

just that. i am kinda fascinated by it. mature words are okay with me. as far as i can't get mixed into the characters and get confused naturally. but all in all am i will be looking up for each and every new chapter here.

oh...and for the ending of the second chapter....i wanna say 3 words:That...Escalated...Quickly
Time~ Space~ possibilities~ Timelines~ Parallel~ Truths~ Singularity~ Pluralism~.

The Thought that transcends all the worlds will surely save this one~~


Seek a salvation.

Posted Image
Made By Sky bird and Shigitou Burikaa. Arigatou Gozaimasoyo Sky-senpai! and thank you Shigitou-Nii


A Signature made by ShadowHakai
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Yoshie Shinozaki
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The First Victim
Thanks you sincerely guys, I'm really you guys like it so far.
Honestly, I just got tired of making dark and downtrodden CoPa based stories, it was putting me in a bad mood.(Which is why it took me over a year to start writing a story again)
Plus I just wanted to be different from everyone else. But to tell the truth, I'm actually holding back a lot on the mature writing, I can go much more grotesque.That is until I get banned for obsenities

Anyway, let's get the ball rolling again with another page so without further delay.

The Adventure Begins?
"I Return This Nightmare. I Will Find You. Sleepless, Cloaked In Despair. I'm Behind You. Man Has Made Me Oh So Strong. Blurring Lines Of Right And Wrong. Far Too Late For Frail Amends. Now It's Come To Sweet Revenge. Desperate Hands That Lose Control. Have No Mercy On Your Soul."- Here Comes Revenge By Metallica.
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Yoshie Shinozaki
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The First Victim
Hey guys, it's been a while since I was in this Thread. So to keep the spirit up, I've decided to write down a quick summary of what goes on during my D&D sessions.
Because for one thing, the one element I'm missing to this random writing section is the "Random".
Let me know what ya think okey doke?

Random Game Session
"I Return This Nightmare. I Will Find You. Sleepless, Cloaked In Despair. I'm Behind You. Man Has Made Me Oh So Strong. Blurring Lines Of Right And Wrong. Far Too Late For Frail Amends. Now It's Come To Sweet Revenge. Desperate Hands That Lose Control. Have No Mercy On Your Soul."- Here Comes Revenge By Metallica.
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Zaion
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FanFiction writer/Translator/Character Bio writer
o.0

This isn't like any D&D I've ever seen. Sounds more like the adventures of old man Henderson.

From a writing stand point, you've got too many commas in the first bit. It's called comma cutting, and can make things a tad confusing. You sometimes miss out commas as well. It's the one in the brackets by the way.

e.g. One squid faced humanoid, who's name overwritten and replaced with "Tentacool"(,) was panicking to put out the flames on deck while a creature reminiscent to a hippopotamus mixed with a man, in laymen's terms, commonly known as a Giff that goes by the name "Urgot", stood back from the flame, and instead of helping the Illthid control the fire, he pointed and laughed as the squid burned his hands.

The missing comma was needed to form an interruptive clause, since the detail "who's name overwritten and replaced with "Tentacool" " is interrupting the action of the subject in order to add information on who the subject is.

This is also an example of comma cutting. The sentence should have been broken down into separate sentences around "flames on the deck" since you'll run into the next line of description if you don't.

Additional tips I'd give would be to not write the characters emotions or state of mind directly.

e.g. Urgot's player asked impatiently.

I would have phrased it as "Huffed Urgot's player impatiently." It adds more life by showing a character's emotions through actions. Onomatopoeia's and adjectives are your friend in those situations, and really adds a lot of extra detail to your characters.

Hope this helps!
Check out my fanfic Corpse Party: Blood Drive Aftermath.

I can also translate from Japanese to English. Open to requests.
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Yoshie Shinozaki
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The First Victim
Actually your pointers helped out a lot. I'll definitely take note of this the next time I write something down.
I'll admit, I add some Commas and subtract some as though I were reading it all one breath at a time. So when a sentence goes on without Commas, or worse... Without Punctuation. I tend to keep reading until I run out of breath.(Not that I read out loud 'cause that would be weird considering what kind of content I read on a daily basis... Mostly obscene stuff)

Thank you sincerely for giving me some tips, it's very much appreciated.(And thanks for reading of course)
"I Return This Nightmare. I Will Find You. Sleepless, Cloaked In Despair. I'm Behind You. Man Has Made Me Oh So Strong. Blurring Lines Of Right And Wrong. Far Too Late For Frail Amends. Now It's Come To Sweet Revenge. Desperate Hands That Lose Control. Have No Mercy On Your Soul."- Here Comes Revenge By Metallica.
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