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Story Feedback?; Looking for some feedback on my stories.
Topic Started: February 16, 2018, 4:05 pm (155 Views)
Jackkel Dragon
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Stalker Meganekko
Not sure if anyone here might be interested, but I wanted to ask to see if anyone would like to provide some feedback on some of the stories I've written. I hesitate to call it beta reading or a review, but I am looking for something detailed. To that end, I've come up with a few questions to use if anyone is interested.

To start with, I'd be most interested in seeing feedback on my public stories. Those would be:
- Shireishi
- The Decision
- Family
- Those That Linger: GhostSense

If anyone has read those stories or is interested in reading them and offering feedback, let me know.
"Heheheh... we're not at the spooky part yet. Lean closer, and I'll tell you what happened next..." -- Corpse Party D2: Depths of Despair
"I’ve… remembered why I want to live again…" -- Corpse Party D2: Fatal Operation
"Be sure to keep me entertained! It's not every day that I get a gift from my dearest sister." -- Corpse Party D2: Zero Hope

Tsukiko Wakahisa avatar drawn by Hollie Moir
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Ist Kisaragi
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The Void Walker
While I don't really intend to buy novels or short stories yet (mostly since I'm looking for actual work right now), I did read though your Shireishi teaser chapter, and found it rather interesting.

If you need feedback, I found two things that stuck out to me:

-On the content side, the mother being the gamer or at least playing a game when it gets to her (don't really run into that in fiction, so it just seemed refreshing to me)
-As for grammar, only one spot I found was a little off: "Don’t forgot to submit those forms I gave you." (Obviously I don't need to point out the proper word to use here, and I'm guessing that grammar was fully check when they were released to sale)

Other than that, I'll admit that there's wasn't a huge hook, but for a short teased, it caught my attention. It's also interesting that you asked for opinions on stories with different genres (at least that's what I picked up from the summaries), but I what I'd read from your Corpse Party stories in the past, all I can say is keep up the good work, man.

(P.S Sorry, if this wasn't the feedback you weren't looking for, but I figured that I'd at least help a community member out.)
Whether by Windblast or by choke hold, whether by the steel of my Folding Blade or the swiftness of Blink, whether by Possession or by the power of thine Pistol, none shall evade either my Wrath, or my Mercy. For the Outsider gazes from his Void, the fate of all, are in the hands of those, marked by him.
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