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| Trip to the doc's; No way | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: 17th March 2007 - 12:36 AM (70 Views) | |
| James@Scarborough | 17th March 2007 - 12:36 AM Post #1 |
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Elite Member
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One day, leaning on the bar, Jack says to Mike "My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a Doctor!" "Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies. "There's a new diagnostic computer at Tesco Pharmacy. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Clubcard points". So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco. He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks". That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and the cat, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer printed the following: >1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. >2) Your cat's having kittens. Get a vet >3) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. >4) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. >5) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. >6) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better........ Thank you for shopping at Tesco |
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Remington 700 CDL .243Win LH + Nikko Sterling Gameking + PES T12 Mod CZ452 .22lr Amercan LH + Nikko Sterling Nite Eater + PH mod Browning Silver Semi Auto m/c HW95 + HW mod + Hawke 4x32 | |
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| Danger Mouse | 17th March 2007 - 12:37 AM Post #2 |
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Resident Sea Fishing and Pest Control expert
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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? ....... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
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| Shaggy | 17th March 2007 - 01:13 AM Post #3 |
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Forum Jester
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If at first you don't succeed .... then sky diving is not for you! 'ere, does this cloth smell like chloroform to you? Why is there only one Monopolies Commission? Ohh yeah.....I beat Nige at clays! | |
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| hawkeye | 17th March 2007 - 05:46 PM Post #4 |
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CROW & FOX Killer BUT scared SHITLESS of DAREBEAR
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Thats as old as the hills :wacko: :wacko: |
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MIKE Hawkeye the noooooooooooo CLICK TO WATCH
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| James@Scarborough | 17th March 2007 - 10:00 PM Post #5 |
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:P ![]() Is it as old as you, Mike?
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Remington 700 CDL .243Win LH + Nikko Sterling Gameking + PES T12 Mod CZ452 .22lr Amercan LH + Nikko Sterling Nite Eater + PH mod Browning Silver Semi Auto m/c HW95 + HW mod + Hawke 4x32 | |
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| hawkeye | 17th March 2007 - 10:09 PM Post #6 |
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CROW & FOX Killer BUT scared SHITLESS of DAREBEAR
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not quite you cheeky sod
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MIKE Hawkeye the noooooooooooo CLICK TO WATCH
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| photopro | 17th March 2007 - 10:13 PM Post #7 |
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Well I hadn't heard it before James and it made me chuckle !! *good* photopro |
![]() Shotgun Certificate & Firearms Certificate Section 1, DSC1 & DSC2 also DCS Registered. Forestry Commission Deer Management Licence Holder | |
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:P 


8:02 PM Jul 11