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...damn
Topic Started: Oct 26 2007, 12:05 AM (1,134 Views)
bobblyhead
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I am but a soapy illusion.
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Well, lemme sum it up in my opinion.

For the sake of it, I'll refer to her as x.

Now, x is about the same age and height as me. She is much more outgoing than me, and a fair bit more popular. She always hangs around some other girl (I'll refer to her as y) that my best friend IRL likes.

She is a lot more outgoing than me, not as smart as me (heh, I'm one of the smartest in my school). I'm not going to go into her appearance, because that isn't neccesary. x is quite kind, a fast runner, bold, and outgoing. I can't seem to detect personal flaws, because I don't know her too well.

Ech, I'm in kind of an akward position describing her. I just find her very likable. I can go more in depth if you do about what stuff you need to hear, lol.
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Zev
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Well a name is always nice, but it isn't necessarily needed. If you're friends with "y", then you should ask "y" about "x" because she'll give good information and girls usually give better advice than guys. If "x" is outgoing, you should be outgoing as well or at least more open. "x" won't really be interested in you if you keep to yourself all the time. By the way, in your position right now, it seems optimal. What I mean is, it is good that she doesn't notice you as a first impression. Granted, that has to change, but right now it is fine. If she notices you and tries to avoid you or something, then you know what's up. If she notices you and acts like she's into you, then she's more than likely to be playing with you and in fact, she doesn't like you. Most girls know how to lure a guy in even if they seem geeky. In your case, I bet she has some experience with guys.
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bobblyhead
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I am but a soapy illusion.
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I'm in a suboptimal position; she knows (as I said, gossip happened). So, that is where I'm at. I don't know how to approach her, or anything like that.

Crazy little thing called love.
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Bombchu
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bobblyhead
Oct 28 2007, 12:01 AM
Crazy little thing called love.

Good song.

Anyway, just try. You show no hesitation while flaming another user randomly, so why here?
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chewman3
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EDIT: Forget it.i don'tfeel like typign WoT.
@#&* YEAH RAICHU!
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bobblyhead
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I am but a soapy illusion.
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chewman, please? Compensate for that Sandslash set I gave you. :|

Bombchu, as stated in OP, I may seem so bold and outgoing, but I don't have enough courage to ask. Eh.
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The Crazy Monkey
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Hot stuff
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You can't get to 3rd base by skipping the first step.
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bobblyhead
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And what would the first step? I'm just trying to get going in this world, as I'm new to love. :\
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Zev
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bobblyhead
Oct 28 2007, 12:01 AM
I'm in a suboptimal position; she knows (as I said, gossip happened). So, that is where I'm at. I don't know how to approach her, or anything like that.

Crazy little thing called love.

Woah, woah! If she knows you like her, then you better get some balls and ask her out. The worst thing to do is to do nothing at all because now you're stuck. You've past the point of no return. You can no longer have a friendship... :(
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bobblyhead
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oh shi-

Well, wish me luck. I'm off on a journey that I can't turn back.

The journey of life. And first off, I need to get brave enough to ask.
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Zev
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bobblyhead
Oct 28 2007, 03:15 AM
oh shi-

Well, wish me luck. I'm off on a journey that I can't turn back.

The journey of life. And first off, I need to get brave enough to ask.

Well, don't just blurt out that you want to go out. Just talk to her and get to know her. If she knows you like her, then she'll want to talk back just to hear you out. Keep the conversation on her side meaning you ask stuff about her. Don't worry, I suck at this too. If you talk about yourself, you'll look cocky and she wouldn't want to date you. Make sure you get her number! Best of luck.
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bobblyhead
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k, thanks man! You are a real big help, as always.
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Zev
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bobblyhead
Oct 28 2007, 03:25 AM
k, thanks man! You are a real big help, as always.

No problem, don't be afraid and tell me how it goes.
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Esotu
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If you're still looking for advice, I'm more than happy to provide you with some insight.
I love Snorlax! :3
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bobblyhead
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I am but a soapy illusion.
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Ah, of course Esotu. I mean, one is always in need of advice, correct?
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CrossDragon
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I suggest getting to know her a bit more first, hang out with her more, be friends maybe? If all else fails just ask her out, What's the worst that can happen? The worst thing possible is you getting rejected, if not that it means you successfully asked her out. Then again there are those girls that tell you to give them a few days to respond and never talk to you again. Wait, I'm not really helping, Am I? Well I'm shutting up now.
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bobblyhead
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I am but a soapy illusion.
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
CrossDragon
Oct 28 2007, 03:51 AM
I suggest getting to know her a bit more first, hang out with her more, be friends maybe? If all else fails just ask her out, What's the worst that can happen? The worst thing possible is you getting rejected, if not that it means you successfully asked her out. Then again there are those girls that tell you to give them a few days to respond and never talk to you again. Wait, I'm not really helping, Am I? Well I'm shutting up now.

No, I've found your advise helpful. Although the problem is that I can't be friends, since she knows I like her (stated by Zev already).
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Zev
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If you want to date a girl, you have to act differently than a friend because if you try to be like a friend, she'll only think of you as a friend. I've said this before... <_<
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bobblyhead
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lol, i know

man, Esotu has been viewing this topic for a while.

*braces for wall of text*
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Esotu
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Honestly, Zev's been giving good advice so far.

As for my experiences...

Get to know her by asking her questions. Don't ask someone else about her because everyone has his/her own opinion and interpretation. Furthermore, asking her helps you in two ways. The first is establishing a connection between the both of you, making the task of approachability easier for each side - fostering a trust you can think of it as. The second provides you with her information on a first hand account, obviously. That way, you can make your own impression of her based on more facts as opposed to running off loose strings of information that you gather through hearsay/second hand references.

While it has been mentioned not to focus on yourself too much during conversation, don't focus too much on her either. This may imply that you're too interested, which may or may not scare her. More likely than not, it will cause her some worry if she is not comfortable telling you "no" if you ask her out in which three things can happen:

1) She'll treat you nicely, trying to avoid situations that give you the opportunity to ask her out.

2) She'll sever most contact with you.

3) She'll want to have her friends around when you want to talk/do something with her.

From my knowledge, most girls around the high school age will follow the first outcome. I, myself, am guilty of this route when I find out someone is attracted to me because I am afraid of hurting his feelings as well as losing a friendship over an awkward event. Younger girls (late elementary to early middle school) will probably go for the second outcome as they are more likely to be shyer and will not know how to react with certainty. The last outcome usually applies to girls who know you are interested and don't want to lead you on, so they try to surround themselves with a "safe" group of people to lessen the anxiety of giving you the wrong messages.

If this girl is worth going for, she won't care for material objects. She shouldn't be concerned with what you wear or what you buy her. What she WILL be paying particular attention to is the way you speak and act. Immaturity will, in the long run, cost you a relationship. While it seems "cute" or "funny" at first, it quickly grows tiresome and makes a girl wonder if she can really see herself with such a person for the rest of her life. In many cases...the answer is no. So, she will break the relationship if it's gotten that far. Why though? Didn't it make her laugh? Well, yeah, it DID, but now she can't trust if you'll take her seriously ever. Find a way to be pleasant in your own style without being rude.

Returning to the former aspect, notice I said "the way" you speak. While what you say might be acceptable, watch your tone and body gestures. Drawling, cold, harsh, and even loud voices will annoy if not repulse most girls. Body language in the sense that you aren't invading her space too much with your hands swinging in her face when you're excited or mad or whatever. Most girls don't find a guy grabbing one's crotch or flipping off another person attractive either. It's gross and obscene.

Speaking of hands, let me mention body contact. While I did say not to intrude on her space too much, that doesn't mean you should refrain from making contact from time to time. A light tap on the shoulder or arm (let's say you need her attention for a homework problem and don't want to be loud by calling her name) is a way of testing the boundaries. If she doesn't act negatively in response to her, she probably considers you close enough for that kind of interaction. Don't push it though. Every now and then is fine; consistently is kind of scary unless she initiates by touching you first.

Most of all, be yourself. It's generic advice, but it's true. I don't mean stick to a rigid form of who you are currently, because there's always something someone is going to find that she doesn't like and will mention it to you (ie. I didn't like my boyfriend saying "no duh" to me or my ex for using certain emoticons because I interpreted them in a negative way). To those small things, yes, change them to accommodate her. It makes you a better person for you aren't seen as a stubborn jerk like my other ex who said he couldn't change his shyness and that I'd have to deal with it (this came from an argument when I told him I wanted to hold his hand and he refused). Large changes like working out for six packs and whatnot are grossly uncalled for and thus should be ignored. She should like you for who you are, not what you look like as everyone will have a different appearance as he/she ages - unless we're referring to medical support and whatnot, but that's pretty extreme for retaining one's looks.



Summing it up:

Find out about her by asking her yourself.

Pay attention to her, but not to the point of looking obsessed.

Find a balance for being charming without annoying/immature.

Watch how you speak, for she will notice small details as in the inflection of your voice.

Make body contact by starting slowly and seeing if she responds positively by reciprocating.

Be yourself. But a flexible self. Everyone can use a little change now and then.
I love Snorlax! :3
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8558584
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let me tell you from experience, if she knows and you do nothing, thats bad.....

it happened to me and now we dont even talk.....theres like this awkward tension between us.....
you dont want that....its hard to live with that

<_<
......... (\_/)
......... (o.o)
...... <(>o<)
......... " ....."

lest we forget......
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Mattsom
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some girls are weird

the second you start to ignore them or show interest in someone else is when they will start to like you a lot more
all hail to lickiperior

credit to shadow light master for splicing him
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bobblyhead
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I am but a soapy illusion.
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Finished reading that. Wow, that is a lot, and I will definitely follow that advice. K, I act a little immature around my friends (not around her however), but will this affect me? And yes, I am definitely not trying to go for a huge change, but a little is nice. The problem is that any conversation I initiate with her will be detected, since she already knows I like her. Maybe I can still try, but it certainly is much harder. Hmm, sometimes I look at her briefly at times, maybe she is spooked by this? I'll stop doing that for a while, come to think of it.

But yes, your advice and Zevs are the best I've gotten (not trying to be rude to everyone else). Thanks, a ton!

EDIT: That was to Esotu. 8558584, I'm in the same boat as you, though I'm trying to avoid the akward tension. Mattsom, this one girl in my history class seems to fit the bill of your description.
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Esotu
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bobblyhead
Oct 27 2007, 10:28 PM
Finished reading that. Wow, that is a lot, and I will definitely follow that advice. K, I act a little immature around my friends (not around her however), but will this affect me? And yes, I am definitely not trying to go for a huge change, but a little is nice. The problem is that any conversation I initiate with her will be detected, since she already knows I like her. Maybe I can still try, but it certainly is much harder. Hmm, sometimes I look at her briefly at times, maybe she is spooked by this? I'll stop doing that for a while, come to think of it.

But yes, your advice and Zevs are the best I've gotten (not trying to be rude to everyone else). Thanks, a ton!

Yes, it could affect you. Putting on a double front is not exactly wise either as you'll start blending the two - I can assure you that - after a while. But if you say it's "a little" it might not have such a significant impact. Still some, but not a large amount.

Honestly, it really depends on her. If she catches you doing so, and stares back, it can be taken as a sign of "It's okay. I like you looking at me." At the same time, if she turns quickly away or in a meek fashion, she's probably finding the gaze discomforting. So, in that situation, yes, you should refrain from doing that. One of my close friends admitted to me that he liked it a lot when I would look at him occasionally, giving him my attention and disliked my inquiry if I should stop - I thought it made him feel uneasy as well as gave him the wrong idea.

I forgot to mention eye contact. It's very important. If you're asking her something about her, make sure you're looking at her. Nothing is more vexing than to have someone ask but then "seem" like he isn't paying attention while staring off somewhere into the sky or floor. I understand it's a bit nerve wrecking to keep eye contact for long, but working on it will help. I tend to look at one pupil rather than both, somewhere toward the nose so that my eyes don't appear "wandering" but still fixed as well as intent.
I love Snorlax! :3
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Zev
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Like I said before, girls usually give better advice than guys. In this case, it is as good as mine if not better since there is insight on how girls act. However, there is a little bias in girl's advice which is why I added usually. I found just about everything in Esotu's post good. In fact, I could use some of it myself. I just want to touch upon one thing.

For the third possibility, you should not be discouraged about talking to her in front of her friends if that happens in the early stages of making a move. If you need a reason to talk to a girl (in front of her friends), then you shouldn't talk to her at all. Just go up and talk to her. Pay most of your attention to her and not her friends otherwise she'll get mixed messages. For example, if you ask for her number, don't ask for her friend's number. That seems like you just want to be friends.

On Thursday, I was about to ask this girl out to this festival that's going on campus in class. She has a class before me in the same room. She didn't show up to that and showed up late to our class. There wasn't a seat for her and her friend, so she chose to sit somewhere else. I couldn't catch her after class ended because she disappeared with the crowd. Later that day, I asked her on facebook if she's going to it, she can hit me up. I got no reply...The point is, don't be discouraged and keep trying. Girls like to play hard to get.

EDIT: I just read the two post. Yes, eye contact is very important. Always look at her eyes. If you find yourself staring and she catches you, don't look away. If you do, that means she knows you like her and you're shy. Just keep looking and then look away after a few seconds. I know starting a conversation is hard with a girl that knows you like her. Trust me, I've been through it. Just talk to her after class or something. In my experience, there's always an opportunity, the question is whether you take it or not.
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