Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to The Libelldra Forge. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
...damn
Topic Started: Oct 26 2007, 12:05 AM (1,133 Views)
bobblyhead
Member Avatar
I am but a soapy illusion.
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Esotu, got it. I'll refrain from it. OK, I'll try blending my two egos to be one, charming little figure. Of course I'll keep eye contact in mind; I've hardly talked to her, but when I do, I will. One pupil is easier for me as well, I have to admit. I have her in, like, none of my classes now, though she was in 3 of mine last year.

I don't know about the third possibility; as I've said, I have no idea of what will happen next.

Thanks for the help! I'm still needing advice and encouragement, but you still are all a big help.
Posted Image

Credit to stingerbrg.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
CrossDragon
Member Avatar
Master of Hax
[ *  *  *  * ]
Esotu
Oct 28 2007, 04:19 AM
Honestly, Zev's been giving good advice so far.

As for my experiences...

Get to know her by asking her questions. Don't ask someone else about her because everyone has his/her own opinion and interpretation. Furthermore, asking her helps you in two ways. The first is establishing a connection between the both of you, making the task of approachability easier for each side - fostering a trust you can think of it as. The second provides you with her information on a first hand account, obviously. That way, you can make your own impression of her based on more facts as opposed to running off loose strings of information that you gather through hearsay/second hand references.

While it has been mentioned not to focus on yourself too much during conversation, don't focus too much on her either. This may imply that you're too interested, which may or may not scare her. More likely than not, it will cause her some worry if she is not comfortable telling you "no" if you ask her out in which three things can happen:

1) She'll treat you nicely, trying to avoid situations that give you the opportunity to ask her out.

2) She'll sever most contact with you.

3) She'll want to have her friends around when you want to talk/do something with her.

From my knowledge, most girls around the high school age will follow the first outcome. I, myself, am guilty of this route when I find out someone is attracted to me because I am afraid of hurting his feelings as well as losing a friendship over an awkward event. Younger girls (late elementary to early middle school) will probably go for the second outcome as they are more likely to be shyer and will not know how to react with certainty. The last outcome usually applies to girls who know you are interested and don't want to lead you on, so they try to surround themselves with a "safe" group of people to lessen the anxiety of giving you the wrong messages.

If this girl is worth going for, she won't care for material objects. She shouldn't be concerned with what you wear or what you buy her. What she WILL be paying particular attention to is the way you speak and act. Immaturity will, in the long run, cost you a relationship. While it seems "cute" or "funny" at first, it quickly grows tiresome and makes a girl wonder if she can really see herself with such a person for the rest of her life. In many cases...the answer is no. So, she will break the relationship if it's gotten that far. Why though? Didn't it make her laugh? Well, yeah, it DID, but now she can't trust if you'll take her seriously ever. Find a way to be pleasant in your own style without being rude.

Returning to the former aspect, notice I said "the way" you speak. While what you say might be acceptable, watch your tone and body gestures. Drawling, cold, harsh, and even loud voices will annoy if not repulse most girls. Body language in the sense that you aren't invading her space too much with your hands swinging in her face when you're excited or mad or whatever. Most girls don't find a guy grabbing one's crotch or flipping off another person attractive either. It's gross and obscene.

Speaking of hands, let me mention body contact. While I did say not to intrude on her space too much, that doesn't mean you should refrain from making contact from time to time. A light tap on the shoulder or arm (let's say you need her attention for a homework problem and don't want to be loud by calling her name) is a way of testing the boundaries. If she doesn't act negatively in response to her, she probably considers you close enough for that kind of interaction. Don't push it though. Every now and then is fine; consistently is kind of scary unless she initiates by touching you first.

Most of all, be yourself. It's generic advice, but it's true. I don't mean stick to a rigid form of who you are currently, because there's always something someone is going to find that she doesn't like and will mention it to you (ie. I didn't like my boyfriend saying "no duh" to me or my ex for using certain emoticons because I interpreted them in a negative way). To those small things, yes, change them to accommodate her. It makes you a better person for you aren't seen as a stubborn jerk like my other ex who said he couldn't change his shyness and that I'd have to deal with it (this came from an argument when I told him I wanted to hold his hand and he refused). Large changes like working out for six packs and whatnot are grossly uncalled for and thus should be ignored. She should like you for who you are, not what you look like as everyone will have a different appearance as he/she ages - unless we're referring to medical support and whatnot, but that's pretty extreme for retaining one's looks.



Summing it up:

Find out about her by asking her yourself.

Pay attention to her, but not to the point of looking obsessed.

Find a balance for being charming without annoying/immature.

Watch how you speak, for she will notice small details as in the inflection of your voice.

Make body contact by starting slowly and seeing if she responds positively by reciprocating.

Be yourself. But a flexible self. Everyone can use a little change now and then.

Errr, I will now make an attempt to sum up this wall of text in a few words. Here I go.

Be yourself, Don't act immature or a jackass, and know your limits.

Ok, I tried. If I failed let me know.
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Zev
Member Avatar
Leader
[ *  *  *  * ]
bobblyhead
Oct 28 2007, 04:45 AM
I have her in, like, none of my classes now, though she was in 3 of mine last year.

That's a toughie...I understand how hard it is to walk up to a girl and talk to her out of randomness. She'll think you're weird. If there's any parties or any events coming up that you know she'll be at, then you should go and say what's up. Keep up a conversation; don't just say hi and leave.

EDIT: By the way, first base should be her number, but I don't know for sure. No one has ever told me, but that's how I mark it.
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
bobblyhead
Member Avatar
I am but a soapy illusion.
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Hmm, good idea. I have trouble approaching her, what is the best way?

EDIT: BTW, does appearance make a huge difference? I am, by definition, a little chubby (4 pounds overweight, lol, though I can lose it), and I'm not exactly the most stylish either.
Posted Image

Credit to stingerbrg.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Zev
Member Avatar
Leader
[ *  *  *  * ]
bobblyhead
Oct 28 2007, 05:08 AM
Hmm, good idea. I have trouble approaching her, what is the best way?

Sit next to her. If push comes to shove, walk up to her when you catch her walking somewhere (alone or not).

IIRC, back when I was in high school and I asked for girl help, some guy recommended that I trip her in the cafeteria and help her up. It works if she doesn't find out that you trip her. I never went with that plan. I'm not suggesting it to you either, I'm just telling you what someone suggested to me one time. Besides, in your case, she knows you like her, so that wouldn't go so well anyway...

EDIT: As Esotu said, it doesn't matter how you look. I told you before, I've seen some of the geekiest guys date the hottest girls. It has nothing to do with looks, just courage.
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
bobblyhead
Member Avatar
I am but a soapy illusion.
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Got it.

*is frantically taking notes on all of this*
Posted Image

Credit to stingerbrg.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Esotu
Member Avatar
Leader
[ *  *  *  * ]
Zev
Oct 27 2007, 10:53 PM
bobblyhead
Oct 28 2007, 04:45 AM
I have her in, like, none of my classes now, though she was in 3 of mine last year.

That's a toughie...I understand how hard it is to walk up to a girl and talk to her out of randomness. She'll think you're weird. If there's any parties or any events coming up that you know she'll be at, then you should go and say what's up. Keep up a conversation; don't just say hi and leave.

EDIT: By the way, first base should be her number, but I don't know for sure. No one has ever told me, but that's how I mark it.

I don't really agree with getting a girl's number as a way to get to know her. If anything, this makes you too straightforward and kind of "sketchy" as in somewhat stalker-ish and creepy.

If anything, ask for an AIM or MSN SN. It's a bit easier to interact that way considering the modern society.


I know I said watch your tone, etc., but also watch your words. Here's a quick example:

Zev says, "there is a little bias in girl's advice." While the statement's made to be objective, a girl can interpret it in this way:

"A girl's words are usually tainted somehow and should not be taken as greatly as a guy's advice would be because hers is biased."

Pretty drastic, right? Diction is very important. Usually, negative connotative words will immediately be taken into account and frowned upon. We may know the difference, but we don't necessarily know if a guy does. =/

And, I know you don't mean it in that way, Zev. Just using it as an example.




bobblyhead
Oct 27 2007, 11:08 PM
Hmm, good idea. I have trouble approaching her, what is the best way?

EDIT: BTW, does appearance make a huge difference? I am, by definition, a little chubby (4 pounds overweight, lol, though I can lose it), and I'm not exactly the most stylish either.

It shouldn't really matter. Some girls might find that attractive too. For example, my boyfriend's chubby. Rather than being too focused on media-driven views on "hot," I find his chub to be a nice pillow. It's comfortable as opposed to a rock hard body (My ex had six packs, so I know the difference quite well).

Basically, my point is that if you think there is something "wrong," there's always another view on making it positive and surprisingly pleasant.
I love Snorlax! :3
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Zev
Member Avatar
Leader
[ *  *  *  * ]
Esotu
Oct 28 2007, 05:26 AM
I don't really agree with getting a girl's number as a way to get to know her.  If anything, this makes you too straightforward and kind of "sketchy" as in somewhat stalker-ish and creepy.

If anything, ask for an AIM or MSN SN.  It's a bit easier to interact that way considering the modern society.


I know I said watch your tone, etc., but also watch your words.  Here's a quick example:

Zev says, "there is a little bias in girl's advice."  While the statement's made to be objective, a girl can interpret it in this way:

"A girl's words are usually tainted somehow and should not be taken as greatly as a guy's advice would be because hers is biased."

Pretty drastic, right?  Diction is very important.  Usually, negative connotative words will immediately be taken into account and frowned upon.  We may know the difference, but we don't necessarily know if a guy does.  =/

And, I know you don't mean it in that way, Zev.  Just using it as an example.

Well here's the thing. If a guy gets the girl's number, that let's her know he's interested. If a guy gets the girl's sn, that let's her know that he might be interested. Getting the SN is a huge gamble, it could end up in friendship. A number, on the other hand, has a higher success rate of hooking up.

I know Esotu did not take any offense to my words and I didn't mean any. When I said, "Girl's advice are biased," I meant that girls give advice based on how they feel. That's good because it gives a in-depth look at what girl's are thinking and guys' can make a calculated decision. On the other hand, girls like guys to be gentlemen and they have different views on guys. For one girl, what might seem like an ideal guy may be a guy that wears those polos and goes golfing or whatever; for most girls, that seems to be a guy that doesn't know how to have fun. Anyway, the most important thing is to watch what you say.
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
MillionDaggers
Member Avatar
so stupid, it just might work
[ *  *  *  * ]
AIM and MSN is good for interaction, but if that becomes your primary methd of contct she will never really know who you are. Then when you eventually do hang out you'll interpret messages wrong and screw yourself over. Above all, if you get drunk at a party DO NOT talk to her unless you are completely certain that you still have self control.

This has, in fact, happened to several friends of mine, it ain't pretty.

and where I go to school, it's totally commonplace to get an e-mail or a phone number, perhaps off a friend, and strike a relationship from that
Posted Image

Posted Image Posted Image

yeah dude, i rock


sprites courtesy of menofuntall
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Esotu
Member Avatar
Leader
[ *  *  *  * ]
Friendship isn't bad. As a matter of fact, that's a better way to go so you can build from there into a relationship. Most people who jump into relationships without prior friendship have a falling out soon afterward because they don't know each partner's limitations, preferences, etc.

As mentioned, don't have the IMs become your primary source of communication. It's a start, but not the sole form of interaction.
I love Snorlax! :3
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Zev
Member Avatar
Leader
[ *  *  *  * ]
MillionDaggers
Oct 28 2007, 05:35 AM
Above all, if you get drunk at a party DO NOT talk to her unless you are completely certain that you still have self control.

This has, in fact, happened to several friends of mine, it ain't pretty

Don't get drunk at all (or drink at all for that matter). Some girls don't like guys that drink. On the other hand, it's ok to say you had a shot when you didn't. She'll never know if she's drunk or not because buzzed people can still carry a reasonable conversation.

Quote:
 
Friendship isn't bad. As a matter of fact, that's a better way to go so you can build from there into a relationship. Most people who jump into relationships without prior friendship have a falling out soon afterward because they don't know each partner's limitations, preferences, etc.


He can't have a friendship anymore. She knows he likes her. The friendship to relationship route does work with a long time friend, not a short time friend. You have to have known her since elementary school and actually be friends with her (meaning you talk to her on a normal basis). Since you're still in school, you shouldn't worry too much about building that one relationship. Even if you don't get her, there's always other girls out there and you have that good feeling knowing that you tried.
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
bobblyhead
Member Avatar
I am but a soapy illusion.
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Yeah, my friends have already talked to me about AIM. I already have one (good thing too). Phone number, however, is the most orthodox method, and yes, I will most likely be using it.

Hmm, keep in mind the words. Got it.

EDIT: Small problem, that being I can't ask for a number. We have a school directory. TT
Posted Image

Credit to stingerbrg.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Esotu
Member Avatar
Leader
[ *  *  *  * ]
Zev
Oct 27 2007, 11:38 PM
MillionDaggers
Oct 28 2007, 05:35 AM
Above all, if you get drunk at a party DO NOT talk to her unless you are completely certain that you still have self control.

This has, in fact, happened to several friends of mine, it ain't pretty

Don't get drunk at all (or drink at all for that matter). Some girls don't like guys that drink. On the other hand, it's ok to say you had a shot when you didn't. She'll never know if she's drunk or not because buzzed people can still carry a reasonable conversation.

Why lie? O__o;

That's even a bigger turn off.
I love Snorlax! :3
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
MillionDaggers
Member Avatar
so stupid, it just might work
[ *  *  *  * ]
Zev
Oct 28 2007, 05:38 AM
MillionDaggers
Oct 28 2007, 05:35 AM
Above all, if you get drunk at a party DO NOT talk to her unless you are completely certain that you still have self control.

This has, in fact, happened to several friends of mine, it ain't pretty

Don't get drunk at all (or drink at all for that matter). Some girls don't like guys that drink. On the other hand, it's ok to say you had a shot when you didn't. She'll never know if she's drunk or not because buzzed people can still carry a reasonable conversation.

well it's a social lubricant. just know how much you can handle

enjoy responsibly!
Posted Image

Posted Image Posted Image

yeah dude, i rock


sprites courtesy of menofuntall
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Zev
Member Avatar
Leader
[ *  *  *  * ]
Esotu
Oct 28 2007, 05:40 AM
Why lie?  O__o;

That's even a bigger turn off.

She'll never know. Honestly, how is a girl at a party going to tell if someone has had one drink or not? It's not like she has a breathalyzer in her purse. However, that is important; don't lie and if you do, never get caught lying.

EDIT: What do you mean you can't ask for her number? Even if you can find out her number in any way, you should still ask for her number. It makes her know that you know her number which makes you look like an interested guy and not a stalker.
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
bobblyhead
Member Avatar
I am but a soapy illusion.
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
I drink in moderation, never will in considerable amounts. :\

Of course, I can easily stop. Beer has been a personal favorite of mine, though I usually take it is small amounts. The only time I've gotten drunk was when I was 9 years old, and I was home alone. Go figure.

EDIT: Besides, I'm not all that worried about chub. I mean, it is hardly visible, unless I try to look fat, and I hardly care (though I still want to get rid of it).
Posted Image

Credit to stingerbrg.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Esotu
Member Avatar
Leader
[ *  *  *  * ]
Zev
Oct 27 2007, 11:43 PM
Esotu
Oct 28 2007, 05:40 AM
Why lie?  O__o;

That's even a bigger turn off.

She'll never know. Honestly, how is a girl at a party going to tell if someone has had one drink or not? It's not like she has a breathalyzer in her purse. However, that is important; don't lie and if you do, never get caught lying.

But why would you lie about drinking in the first place? Drinking doesn't make you any more or less of a man. You shouldn't be drinking in the first place if under the legal age anyway.

In short, don't lie. It's just not acceptable, especially because it'll become harder to keep your story straight later down the road if you make it a habit.
I love Snorlax! :3
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
MillionDaggers
Member Avatar
so stupid, it just might work
[ *  *  *  * ]
Zev
Oct 28 2007, 05:43 AM
Esotu
Oct 28 2007, 05:40 AM
Why lie?  O__o;

That's even a bigger turn off.

She'll never know. Honestly, how is a girl at a party going to tell if someone has had one drink or not? It's not like she has a breathalyzer in her purse. However, that is important; don't lie and if you do, never get caught lying.

while it's true she probably won't know, there's really no point lying. Unless she's strictly relgious or something. I mean, tell her ' hey, i just had a couple of drinks'. Why should she be mad? You're not her responsibility, you're at a party. If she stopped talking to you just because you wanted to have fun, well...
Posted Image

Posted Image Posted Image

yeah dude, i rock


sprites courtesy of menofuntall
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Zev
Member Avatar
Leader
[ *  *  *  * ]
bobblyhead
Oct 28 2007, 05:45 AM
I drink in moderation, never will in considerable amounts. :\

Of course, I can easily stop. Beer has been a personal favorite of mine, though I usually take it is small amounts. The only time I've gotten drunk was when I was 9 years old, and I was home alone. Go figure.

Don't drink around her unless you know she drinks too. If she does, it is an ok time to find out if she's interested in your or not depending on how buzzed she is. People's judgement is impaired while drunk and they let their guard down...I would know. Anyway, if you find out she likes you then, that's good and that's as far as you should take it until she becomes sober again.
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
MillionDaggers
Member Avatar
so stupid, it just might work
[ *  *  *  * ]
Zev
Oct 28 2007, 05:47 AM
bobblyhead
Oct 28 2007, 05:45 AM
I drink in moderation, never will in considerable amounts. :\

Of course, I can easily stop. Beer has been a personal favorite of mine, though I usually take it is small amounts. The only time I've gotten drunk was when I was 9 years old, and I was home alone. Go figure.

Don't drink around her unless you know she drinks too. If she does, it is an ok time to find out if she's interested in your or not depending on how buzzed she is. People's judgement is impaired while drunk and they let their guard down...I would know. Anyway, if you find out she likes you then, that's good and that's as far as you should take it until she becomes sober again.

i agree completely
Posted Image

Posted Image Posted Image

yeah dude, i rock


sprites courtesy of menofuntall
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
bobblyhead
Member Avatar
I am but a soapy illusion.
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Quite obviously, besides, I'd never actually try to drink around her. I've never found it cool to drink at parties. If I do, however, I'd best be prepared for it.

*still taking notes*
Posted Image

Credit to stingerbrg.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Esotu
Member Avatar
Leader
[ *  *  *  * ]
Zev
Oct 27 2007, 11:47 PM
bobblyhead
Oct 28 2007, 05:45 AM
I drink in moderation, never will in considerable amounts. :\

Of course, I can easily stop. Beer has been a personal favorite of mine, though I usually take it is small amounts. The only time I've gotten drunk was when I was 9 years old, and I was home alone. Go figure.

Don't drink around her unless you know she drinks too. If she does, it is an ok time to find out if she's interested in your or not depending on how buzzed she is. People's judgement is impaired while drunk and they let their guard down...I would know. Anyway, if you find out she likes you then, that's good and that's as far as you should take it until she becomes sober again.

Again, I don't agree on extracting information that you may have not had access to in the beginning if she was sober.

It's taking advantages of her, which you should never do as it's unethical.
I love Snorlax! :3
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
MillionDaggers
Member Avatar
so stupid, it just might work
[ *  *  *  * ]
bobblyhead
Oct 28 2007, 05:49 AM
Quite obviously, besides, I'd never actually try to drink around her. I've never found it cool to drink at parties. If I do, however, I'd best be prepared for it.

*still taking notes*

well youre not trying to be cool, are you? like i said, alcohol provides a social lubricant. everyone becomes more comfortable around each other, but other than that its completely and utterly your perogative
Posted Image

Posted Image Posted Image

yeah dude, i rock


sprites courtesy of menofuntall
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Zev
Member Avatar
Leader
[ *  *  *  * ]
Esotu
Oct 28 2007, 05:50 AM
Again, I don't agree on extracting information that you may have not had access to in the beginning if she was sober.

It's taking advantages of her, which you should never do as it's unethical.

Well...hypothetically speaking, it was her fault for getting drunk in the first place. Besides, I'm not telling him to go upstairs or something if that's the case. <_<

EDIT: I'm starting to see a divergence in advice between us. It is just something that happens with experience. bobblyhead, be careful of which advice you choose to use.
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Esotu
Member Avatar
Leader
[ *  *  *  * ]
Zev
Oct 27 2007, 11:54 PM
Esotu
Oct 28 2007, 05:50 AM
Again, I don't agree on extracting information that you may have not had access to in the beginning if she was sober.

It's taking advantages of her, which you should never do as it's unethical.

Well...hypothetically speaking, it was her fault for getting drunk in the first place. Besides, I'm not telling him to go upstairs or something if that's the case. <_<

Taking things into context...

Would it be her fault too if she was raped while drunk?

I doubt Bobbly wouldn't do such a thing, but it's the same principle. You would be taking advantage of intellectual property, which can still have an attached value like one would have over his/her self.

Drinking doesn't necessarily make you socially attractive or more apt to being open; it makes you less aware of what you're doing, and, at young ages, can reduce your brain's maximum efficiency greatly. Whether you drink or not, and hopefully legally, is up to you, but understand that a drink or two won't make you a stud.
I love Snorlax! :3
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Create a free forum in seconds.
Learn More · Sign-up for Free
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · Gathering Grounds · Next Topic »
Add Reply