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| LGBTQ; News, updates & gossip. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 9 2013, 12:11 AM (19,580 Views) | |
| Lasagna | Oct 1 2013, 08:11 AM Post #491 |
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Ohh great question. My first crush ever irl(that wasn't on tv lol) was at 13. Massive chaos was going through my mind back then, thank lord I'm more reasonable now lol. Same school, 1 yr older metalhead brunette with pointy eyes written fuck me all over her. No we didin't know each other, platonic shit if you ask. nice hips too. Then she went away to high school, haven't seen her at all those years and recently I found out she got to the same uni just this year that I'm planning going to next year. I paused 2 yrs bf colledge for reasons. I've heard from some people that she's open regarding girls. Oh jesus this just had to be on top right? |
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| Dyslexia | Oct 3 2013, 12:12 AM Post #492 |
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This is interesting especially the fact that you were 13 years old
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| Lasagna | Oct 5 2013, 04:10 AM Post #493 |
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^ not proud of myself at all tbh
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| Abc | Oct 6 2013, 03:23 AM Post #494 |
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The real cat lady.
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So, my gf had plans for like a week ago.. we were supposed to go to a bday today (her friend). I hate such meetings... First, like days ago I told her I wasn't going.. but then I thought about it and said.. shit.. relationships are all about sacrifices.. so I decided I would go and I let her know I was going. Then today (day of the meeting) out of nowhere she said.. you know what? don't go... I'm doing it for you, just.. don't go. That shit pissed me off u.u so I made plans by myself... 1 hour ago, she's like.. I cancelled.. wanna catch a film?? Of course I told her no, I had plans.. then she goes on a rant that I don't sacrifice as much.. Omg .. I can't. Freaking girls. *tipsy* |
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| Guest | Oct 6 2013, 05:27 AM Post #495 |
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^lol
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| Guest | Oct 6 2013, 05:28 AM Post #496 |
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crushed on people so bad im starting to hate them inwardly sigh...srsly lol |
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| babycakes | Oct 6 2013, 08:18 AM Post #497 |
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Literally me everyday this past week But sometimes it's "Maybe you'll change you're mind after another couple of rounds" or "So tell me about what you like having girls do to you.." My crushes are never too bad thank dodge |
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| orangedaffodils | Oct 7 2013, 03:12 AM Post #498 |
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Let ε <0
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Ok, question: idk if it's like a straight girl phenomenon or something, but they tend to say the flirtiest things to women friends (at least through social media, less so in person i've noticed) and i'm not sure if they realize that it's flirty...even I can recognize that it's flirty - it's THAT obvious. ![]() I think i'm very much assumed straight by most people, so it's seems a bit strange to me that none of my straight guy friends do this...just girls. Not that i'm complaining or anything, I just want to know why this is
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| babycakes | Oct 7 2013, 03:37 AM Post #499 |
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^Imo it's because they consider you a safe option. They wouldn't be so flirty if they thought/knew someone was gay because .. well it's flirty and would rightfully taken as such. If they think you're straight (and they're straight) they can do all this gay shit to you and it doesn't mean anything. Like how straight girls are not usually as touchy-feely with male friends because this could be misleading (I think it's the same principle). I'm an "assumed heterosexual" as well (and because I'm single) I'm like the go-to person when my straight girlfriends get drunk enough at the clubs and decide they want to make out with another girl. Not really complaining either, it's just my take on straight girl psychology. |
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| orangedaffodils | Oct 7 2013, 03:58 AM Post #500 |
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Let ε <0
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Yeah, that might be it. Thanks for the insight I get that there's a certain level of trust with friends where you can engage in flirty banter (I guess like surface-level flirtiness idk what else to call it really) and that's totally fine, but sometimes it's just like...really persistent and a bit more than what you'd normally expect between two friends. Having a hard time figuring out where exactly that elusive line stands.It's the friend of mine that someone dubbed us in a "girlmance" together (kind of hate that term for reasons but w/e). She's just been excessive lately - and it kind of gets like that when she's been single for quite a bit of time. |
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| Artichoke | Oct 7 2013, 06:27 PM Post #501 |
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nam fuit ante Helenam cunnus taeterrima belli causa
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'cause it's fun to flirt with your friends.
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| Guest | Oct 7 2013, 07:12 PM Post #502 |
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You are a substitute. No, it's not a queer thing but human comfort necessity. Even if she's not doing it with full planning and intent, she's trying to get from you attention and actions she would normally get from her bf. It's normal human behavior. But in general, especially in Western societies that are hyper sexualized like the USA, girls flirting and kissing is a case of "girls will be girls" no big deal just like "boys will be boys" when breaking stuff or being pigs. There has been a "de-gaying" of sexual banter and actions between women just as long as they are all straight. This makes for a weird landscape to navigate as a queer closeted woman. @Arti What's with the sad face child? |
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| Artichoke | Oct 7 2013, 07:22 PM Post #503 |
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nam fuit ante Helenam cunnus taeterrima belli causa
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I don't know, actually, it just felt appropriate to put there. Flirting with your mates is fun, though. ~Banter~ |
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| orangedaffodils | Oct 7 2013, 11:57 PM Post #504 |
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Let ε <0
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She has a best friend, you'd think her best friend would become the substitute - not me. We're close and all, but I doubt we'd consider one another as bffs
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| Guest | Oct 8 2013, 12:17 AM Post #505 |
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But it's with you she has that "girlmance" right? BFFs can be like sisters so they don't make good substitutes. Why was your relationship with her called a "girlmance"? I know you've talked about it before...
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| orangedaffodils | Oct 8 2013, 01:25 AM Post #506 |
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Let ε <0
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Yeah, but I meant like she's closer with someone other than myself so I don't really know why she doesn't behave this way with her. But maybe you're right in that they feel more like sisters ![]() Oh, I just mentioned it briefly once when someone asked about "romantic friendships" that are completely platonic - I thought that was a good description of what we have. Someone else called it a girlmance; one of her coworkers. I hate the term, personally. It's called that because I suppose it's pretty coupley but "we're both girls!! we can't be in a relationship!!!!" hence that strange title. It reeks of erasure, to me. Like it delegitimizes actual relationships between women. |
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| Guest | Oct 8 2013, 01:39 AM Post #507 |
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"Girlmance" is the female counterpart to "bromance", normally for couple-type behavior for girls and a really close bond/spending loads of time together for guys. Anyhow if that co-worker called it girlmance then you being her substitute of sorts makes sense, it would look somewhat couple-y to outside people. |
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| Artichoke | Oct 8 2013, 01:40 AM Post #508 |
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nam fuit ante Helenam cunnus taeterrima belli causa
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What.
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| orangedaffodils | Oct 8 2013, 01:44 AM Post #509 |
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Let ε <0
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Yeah I understand it's a counterpart to that, but like I said, I hate those terms so I try not to use them For some people, "bromances" and "girlmances" are actual relationships and deserve to be treated as such - not have it relegated to something so silly. imo ofcI bet it does look coupley to others lol
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| Guest | Oct 8 2013, 02:27 AM Post #510 |
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I understand your opinion of the terms but by default, by definition the "-mances" are NOT romantic relationships so if anyone uses the term for an actual queer couple its probably because they don't know its an actual couple. Yes, the "-mances" under certain situations can get complicated and even evolve into a full fledged relationship but then they would cease to be "-mances". You two certainly must seen really close in a clingier way (from her side I guess), I just hope you get something out of it because being a substitute can be grating after a while. |
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| Guest | Oct 8 2013, 02:48 AM Post #511 |
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Omg this is exactly like one of my friendships. I've been friends with this girl for years and she knows I'm girl-leaning bi and I'm pretty positive she's straight by the way she talks about guys and her relationships. We've always kind of had a flirty type of relationship but recently she's gotten weird and I'm kind of confused. We live in different cities and we always text flirtatiously but also regular conversation about our days. Sometimes I even joke and say things like "you sure you aren't gay?" She usually just laughs it off but she ignores it now. when we skype she gets embarrassed and says she is blushing and doesn't want me to see her looking all scrub so she always makes me wait a minute while she goes and "cleans herself up." But I've seen her in her most disheveled state so that makes no sense. why can't she do it before we skype lol I'm visiting home soon so I'm wondering what our in person interactions will be like. I guess she must be bicurious and getting tired of her friend w. benefits. |
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| orangedaffodils | Oct 8 2013, 03:06 AM Post #512 |
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Let ε <0
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Do those terms have actual agreed upon definitions? I'm sure what those terms encompass probably varies from person to person. From what i've seen though, you're right, there doesn't seem to be any romantic attachment between people in one of those situations but the terms just irk me to no end lol. To me it seems like in society, the existence of romantic relationships between two men or two women ostensibly calls into question their sexuality and so men or women who identify as straight now can't be physically affectionate or emotionally open...except they can now but only if we use silly words like "bromance" or "girlmance"; why do we need to invent a word to describe intimate m/m or w/w friendships? For guys, I feel like it's an attempt to preserve a sense of masculinity. For girls, well, idk since "girlmance" isn't typically a term you hear used a lot and when you do, it's always in comparison to a "bromance" which would just bring you back to the implications a "bromance" typically suggests. Part of the problem I think lies in the inability to distinguish romantic from sexual and another part of the problem seems to stem from some kind of inherent need to profess how "not gay" someone's affection is. Seems pretty demeaning to me as a queer person whose "girlmances" would be legitimate romantic relationships, which is why I stay far away from those terms. Hope that all makes sense ![]() We have days where we don't hang out, so we get a break a few times during the week. But idk, she's not terribly clingy. We just enjoy each other's company, we're not necessarily hanging all over each other. I don't expect or really want anything more than friendship, i'm just confused because I can't seem to read her anymore; like is she being serious or is she just being herself? It's getting hard to tell and I used to be so sure. |
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| Artichoke | Oct 8 2013, 03:12 AM Post #513 |
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nam fuit ante Helenam cunnus taeterrima belli causa
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idk bromance is pretty gender neutral where I come from. Everyone has a bromance, male or female. Romance of the Three Brodoms! |
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| Dyslexia | Oct 8 2013, 03:30 AM Post #514 |
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Why can't it be "Sismance" or "Stermance" why does it have to be "Bromance" even though both parts are girls :c |
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| Artichoke | Oct 8 2013, 03:42 AM Post #515 |
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nam fuit ante Helenam cunnus taeterrima belli causa
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Because "bromance" sounds more like "romance" and it rolls of the tongue better. ![]() Now everyone just calls it the mandem. ffs. |
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| babycakes | Oct 8 2013, 03:48 AM Post #516 |
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x2 I have a Ted-Barney relationship with one of my girlfrans, I think of it as a "bromance" for lack of a better term. Also, said gf is finally starting to believe that I'm gay after years of me telling her.
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| Rexie | Oct 8 2013, 03:59 AM Post #517 |
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Your friendly neighborhood T-Rex
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finally? yaaaaaay hahawhat made her come to terms at the end? and yeah flirty, flirty straight girls are toxic. The things they said to me (or more like this one particular girl) were totally crossing the line. She said that im pretty (lol) and had sex hair all the time, da fuq was that for? and plus the continuous, extra flirty text/fb messages and all that
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| babycakes | Oct 8 2013, 04:17 AM Post #518 |
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I'm not sure, she's one of the ones that teases me about it but she honestly thought I was going along with the joke the whole time (for years, like wut?). She came over with hot choc and donuts to quiz me about hookups in the week I was away and I was like "lol dude that place is like a het orgy all day everyday" and she's like "but you're not seriously gay" and my bestie was there so she was like "what are you on? she totally is (and I'm butthurt about it because I'm a homophobe)" She's also one of the girls who act pretty gay/coupley with me whether she's single or not but idk if that'll change now that she knows I'm not kidding about being gay (like why would someone joke about that for years).I really don't mind the straight girl flirting, it's pretty funny tbh. bb that's not even that bad, I've had at least two girls this week be like "you have gorgeous legs" and "I would like to date you if I was into girls" etc. I just laugh |
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| Rexie | Oct 8 2013, 04:33 AM Post #519 |
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Your friendly neighborhood T-Rex
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huh, who's the homophobe? The messed up thing was, I actually liked her before she said those flirty things LOL and there were plenty more after that hahaah. The fb wall messages, even our mutual friends were aware of it, we get plenty comments like "you two are so weird" or "get a room you two"...wut? She started those things first, or when she stared at me while I applied lip balm and i was like "whatchu staring at" she said "your lips". Or when we went for a movie (with our friends) she said, sit next to me (well there wasnt anymore available seats actually) and she "accidentally" put her hand on top of mine for awhile when we were passing snacks. I had to retract my hand because I got too uncomfortable. She was that obvious and I tried to keep it cool but it was pretty hard once she texted me the chorus from "I just call to say i love you" but changed the "call" to "text", like out of the blue...tsk good it's all in the past haha |
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| babycakes | Oct 8 2013, 06:22 AM Post #520 |
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^My best mate is a homophobe.. well she's not really "afraid" of gays, she's just being an ass about it. Like ew I can't spoon you, it's gay. ![]() lol are you sure that girl is straight? And you like liked her before the flirting? I'm with Arti, I think it's fun to flirt with friends, we're all comfortable enough to do that and with randoms it's not on that level. |
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| Rexie | Oct 8 2013, 07:02 AM Post #521 |
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Your friendly neighborhood T-Rex
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^yeah, she's straight alright, she has a bf now haha. Yeah I was attracted to her before I really knew her, well we admired each others talent at first (tho i admired hers more), then one day I just started to see her differently *meh*. Afterwards, our mutual friend was asking us to hang out together (with bunch of other friends), we all hung out regularly from there and the rest was history. I flirt as well but i'd never do what she did, i think it was just an ego boost to her
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| Guest | Oct 8 2013, 04:48 PM Post #522 |
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mine was tragic too. so this girl, I had a feeling she has a crush on me but I just don't wanna think much on it because I have a crush on someone else. So I was with this other girl, where she said we were 'more than friends less than lovers' but after a month she got herself a boyfriend and I didn't know until a month after. And when I found out, I realise she didn't like me the way I liked her so 3 months into what we have, I broke it off saying I can't stand sharing you. And about a year later? This girl I said had a crush on me, we started getting all clingy. She was supposed to be my best friend but then I guess we developed feelings for each other or something. And she said she like me, and so I said I do too. But then she has a crush on ANOTHER guy and I was like, not again. So I told her, look, if this is what it's gonna be, let's stop anything there is between us but she was begging me telling me that no she doesn't like that guy. So we were like together, though we never made it official. And we did promise we'll break it off once we leave high school. but six months after I chickened out and admitted to my dad. So my parents told me I was probably just being a possessive best friend or something. But then I told them, we kissed. So I was sent off to another school and I guess we lost contact after that. Few months later I found out that she ratted on me. She wasn't really honest because she kept blaming everything on me when her mom asked, implying that I was the lesbian that influnced her and stuff though she did admit she had a crush on me for the longest time previously. and so yeah, I got over her completely after hearing that. Her mom even tried to drive me away from pur friends from my old school but I'm glad they stayed me. (: |
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| Artichoke | Oct 8 2013, 09:01 PM Post #523 |
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nam fuit ante Helenam cunnus taeterrima belli causa
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Yeah, it's like an in-joke, like you're comfortable enough to know it's not serious and that it's all in the name of BANTER. Flirting is fun, so why restrict it just to real romance? |
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| babycakes | Oct 9 2013, 12:10 AM Post #524 |
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Yeah it is fun, and then it can get ridiculous like when a mate texted me to come out to her car for a quickie, it's like lol what even is that? Does she know you're gay/was attracted to her though? Because that sounds more torture/teasing than flirtatious fun. I've only ever flirted with people who either think I'm straight or otherwise know that I'm by no means serious. |
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| orangedaffodils | Oct 9 2013, 01:15 AM Post #525 |
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Let ε <0
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Today, said girl decided to play "physics footsies" with me during lecture...
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But sometimes it's "Maybe you'll change you're mind after another couple of rounds" or "So tell me about what you like having girls do to you.."

We're close and all, but I doubt we'd consider one another as bffs
Why was your relationship with her called a "girlmance"? I know you've talked about it before...

haha


9:00 PM Jul 11