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Feedback for 'The Runnaway'; Blueboy's story
Topic Started: Jun 4 2008, 06:58 PM (100 Views)
Lightrock
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Captain of Bookie's Books
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Interesting, and sad. I think you should think about re-naming the main character. John Smith is such a common name and is used to much. as well Danial Jackson is a name i am also very familiar with, even if you just change the last name that would be good.

You did very good in describing the events and such at the beginning. Try to carry that over for the rest of the story too.

Overall it was very good. I'm not one for all the really graphic war stories and books so i'm probably not much help. I just have one question. Is this all of the story or did you cut some parts out just to keep it short?
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Blueboy
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Fisherman
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Its all part of the story.
I had to write a short story for my English coursework and that was it
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