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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 2 2013, 07:02 (485 Views) | |
| Ama | Sep 2 2013, 07:02 Post #1 |
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It was glaringly obvious from the start, everyone knew it but the named parties themselves. Even Kyle semi felt it, but here was actual solid proof. Kyle's stomach fluttered, then cramped again. When Stan got nervous he used to throw up, in similar situations things tended to head south for Kyle. He was in the police bathroom, washing his hands for the fourth time that day. Kyle pulled out the folder again, he'd probably get into trouble if he took it further than the police bathroom, but everyone had to know this already obvious truth. Photocopies were the solution. Kyle whistled a tune to himself that if the actual name of the song was mentioned it would forever be ruined for many many people. He passed by the interrorgation room, sneaking a side glance at the mainiac that was Sarah Valmer. Abuse victim or not she had no right to harm others. But Kyle saw her arms were still handcuffed behind her back. As terrible of a person she was, she should at least be a little bit confortable before the justice system decided what to do with her. Kyle grabbed a ring of keys hung next to the door, selecting the one for handcuffs. He carefully entered the sound proof interrogation booth. Kyle cleared his throat, trying to project an air of professinalism. "Hello, mam. I thought I'd unlock your arms and make you a little bit more comfortable. No funny buisness, agree?" After Sarah nodded, Kyle manuvered around her chair and unlocked the handcuffs. He slid them off and hooked one end on his belt, happy the silly outfits did actually have a point. Sarah's hands remained slumped at her sides. "Can I get you some water or a magazine perhaps?" Kyle asked. If she was occupied he could get back to his own interesting reading. Sarah rolled her shoulders and arched her back, possibly to get a little bit more comfortable. She looked up at him, her chin quivering a bit. "Tell me little boy, do you think I'm pretty?" Kyle looked her up and down. "I guess." Sarah looked down, a tear rolling down her cheek. "I wish I were pretty.." She trailed off. Kyle stepped back. "Huh?" Mitch Connor peeked out of the front window at the Cartman house, trying to take in the chaos outside. Liane could recall picking out those curtains on sale, and wondering if they were going to be ruined by the blood of a mainic holding her and her son hostage, could she get the exact same ones. Her little sunshine still seemed bored, she wished she could run up stairs and grab him his iPhone, or turn on the TV to entertain his little mind until they were rescued. His hands probably hurt from the ropes that bound him, her hands were starting to ache so it must be awful for him since his little hands were much pudgier. "It's okay poopikins. After we get through this I'll take you to the toy store and buy you whatever you want, and we can have a mother/son lunch after." She whispered sweetly. "That's all you're going to give me after this? There better be more but don't worry, mam. I'll think of what else you can do to make up for this, it's not like I have all the time in the world to think, asshole!" Cartman shouted at Mitch's turned back. "Sure, sweetie. Anything to put a smile on your face-" Liane started but was interrupted. "You two make me sick." Mitch barked, as he whipped around, expertly holding the gun on them. "I'm an excellet shot, due to years of military training and practice. But at this close of range it would be too easy to slaughter both of you. Hell the little tubby kid could kill his mother from this close. What about it kid?" "Fff sure, I'll do it right now." Cartman replied before his tone darkened. "But I'm not fat, I'm big boned." "Look at this kid, he's lived a pampered and spoiled life, the complete opposite of mine but he's turned out as twisted and heartless as I am. But I'm well aware of growing up fucked up due to spoiling. Come on into the basement, it's story time kids." Kyle had retunred to the interrogation room, a diet soda, a box of kleenex and a women's fashion magazine for Sarah, before he could leave her alone to go back to his research. She had creeped him out eariler, but he had to show basic kindness to her. "Are you comfortable, mam?" Tears kept running down Sarah's face. Kyle gently pushed the tissues closer to her. Suddenly her head snapped up, her eyes narrowed. "You probably can't tell how old I am, at least hope to god you can't." She said sharply. Kyle jumped, wishing he had grabbed a stun gun from the supply room. Just in case. "I didn't mean any offense." Sarah sniffed and reached for a tissue, but twisted it nervously in her hands. "I just had my fortith birthday, I had come into a bit of money from an anonymous person who said we were related. The instuctions were clear, it was to go to my son Jimmy, to enjoy a summer at cripple camp with a friend of his choice. There was a bit left over saying I could use for anything else I needed." "Go on." Kyle encouraged, taking a seat across from her. Maybe he could draw the confession he needed from her to solve the case. He was left behind from the action anyway. "It was too good to be true, the exact amout left over was enough for the face lift I've wanted for at least a year. Without my son to take care of for a summer, I set up an appointment immideatly at Tom's Rhinoplasty. I recall the waiting room, hearing the woman behind the counter tell the nurse about problems with her husband. I had been fighting with my own husband since my birthday, but I could feel my confidence shrink seeing this woman with similar problems having a smaller nose, plumper lips and a better body than mine." Kyle nodded, wondering if his deep amount of respect for his best friend prevented him from being the only one who didn't oogle his mom. But maybe both sense of morals were quickly dwindling. "So what happened after that?" "The nurse, Tammy called me into the back to see Dr. Tom and I blacked out after. I woke up in a warehouse with a reverse bear trap on me. I already told you that story." "Friday, April 30th. Yes mam." Kyle grabbed her diet coke, opening it and pushing it towards her. "But what happened after that? Can you tell me about the wareabouts of the secretay of Tom's Rhinoplasty?" Sarah slapped her hand down on the table, making Kyle recoil. "Secretary is a sexist word, it's receptionist or administraive assistant." "I'm sorry." Kyle said meekly, wondering if he had lost her on his slip up. Mitch kicked open the door to the basement of the Cartman home. Liane went down the stairs first, hands still tied behind her back. He held Eric by his restrained arms, gun pointed to the base of his skull. "Keep walking whore, all the way to the bottom. Cooperate or I'll blow this chunky little bastard's head off and cook the remains into chili for you to eat." "Goddamn." Cartman jeered. "You are the most unoriginal sociopath ever. You didn't even as my mam her favorite band. Mam, what's your favorite band?" Liane burst into tears. "Honey, please stop talking back to him. I don't want you hurt, Eric." "Mam, tell this asshole your favorite band right now!" "I always liked Def Leppard." Liane sobbed hysterically as she made it to the bottom of the stairs. "There, I did most of the work for you. You're welcome, Mitch." Mitch turned Eric to face him. Then he slapped him across the face with his gun before shoving him down the rest of the stairs. "You don't know what you've taken from me!" He roared. "Nothing can top sixteen dollars and twelve cents." Cartman laughed. "How about almost a million dollars, a house, a car, good credit, a clean criminal record, steady employment. My life, my entire life is ruined by you. You might as well have killed me, but I had to at least have one thing that was still mine. Until I got the diganosis of terminal colon cancer from the free clinic." Mitch scanned the surroundings of the basement, a pin board for various presntations Cartman had given, many folded chairs stacked against one wall, Christmas decorations, then something on the floor, a tarp layed flat over the top. Mitch grabbed a chair, opened it and sat Liane firmly on it. Then he curiously walked over and lifted the tarp to see a long hole with brick walls on the sides. "What the hell is this?" "Be careful." Liane called out. "My son used to play Lambs there before he grew more mature and got rid of his stuffed animals. I was so proud and scared of you that day muffin." "Stop coddiling the boy!" Mitch shouted. "This torture device you gave him in your own home isn't obvious enough. The cement work looks professional, I'd know from the various construction jobs I've lost thanks to him!" "Oh you better never let me find out what your favorite band is, I'm sure they'd love to ask you how your parents taste." "I never had a father and my mother's dead! You should be joining her soon!" Mitch grabbed Eric by his ear, twisted it and shoved him down the hole. "I'm sorryyyyyyy." Came a wail from the bottom of the pit. Five minutes of awkward silence had passed, Kyle refrained from tapping his fingers or twidding this thumbs as not to offend the unstable Sarah Valmer. She had a small smile on her face as she delicately took a sip of her soda. He sighed, wondering if he was wasting his time. "Can you at least give me some background on your connection to Mitch Connor?" "That's what I was trying to get at eariler. I said I hoped you couldn't guess my age." "And I didn't." "I was born in the late sixties and have spent lots of money to try and hide that fact. My mother, god rest her soul, she was a good person but irrisponsible as hell. I was the youngest of five children, the only girl. My brother who I was closest in age to was five years older than me. There was Christopher, Nicholas, Patrick and Mitchell, who was the oldest." "Mitch Connor?" Kyle asked, wondering how deep he should dig if he was about to be told Cartman's hand puppet was this chick's older brother. "Can you tell me more about Mitchell?" "My mother was irresponsible and all my siblings had the different fathers, the only thing linking us was the last name Connor and we all ended up with my mother's green eyes." "Actually father figures were kind of absent for all of us growing up. I was protected by my brothers but the one I never knew was Mitch. He was fifteen when I was born so he had shipped off to Vietnam before I was ever in kindergarten." |
| touch screen phones really suck. | |
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| Ama | Sep 2 2013, 07:03 Post #2 |
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Wendy was curled in the fetal position, her filthy hair laying over her body in a stringy black security blanket. All girls who grew their hair long enough held a bit of prissy pride with it. Oh look at me and I casually bend over and watch my hair slide over like a silky waterfall. Of course Wendy was guilty of this, hell she probably invented it. Pride was the least of the seven deadly sins Wendy was guilty of, but whatever trap she was stuck in at the moment seemed to be leaning towards that. The room would be downright beautiful if the situation had been different. The four walls and celing were all mirrors with a bare mattress in the middle, a harsh white light hanging from the corner of the room. Wendy's haggared reflection stared back, she had lost quite a bit of weight since her break up, her hands and lips were chapped and dry since taking care of herself had been a joke, in contrast her face was red and puffy, eyes squinted and aching from the familiar feeling of fresh tears. Wasn't crying supposed to make you feel better? Pretty much the only vanity thing Wendy had left was her long hair. It wasn't clean, soft or shiny but maybe gruesomly useful for the first time in her life. She eyed the light in the corner, how securly it was bolted into the wall. An insane plan forming in her head, maybe cut her hair somehow and form it into a noose. Wendy laughed to herself and shook her head, sitting up. The situation was extreme enough, all these things were timed. She'd just lay here and wait for her trap to spring and kill her. Suicide was too much effort, she was given a gift by the Jigsaw killer to never feel this terrible ever again. She might as well look pretty in an open casket funeral. They'd only focus on her good qualities once she was dead. Except Stan, he wouldn't bother showing up. Her whole history with Stan seemed to be an uphill battle. Not with the boy himself, he was sweet with her. It was everyone else, with her friends saying she could do better, with his friends treating her terribly, with her parents not approving of the relationship. Maybe Stan was flat, boring and too nice in the beginning, but he had eyes only for her. While everyone was so quick to call her out on her flaws he seemed to only say good thing about her. Stupidly she had started to believe him, that she was a good person once you got to know her. That had been her first mistake. Maybe Stan had been slow in development in the beginning, but reality had smacked him full force by the time he turned ten. Then when they were together he'd start in, picking things apart, food, entertainment and the weather. After a while he started in on her flaws. When others got after him he'd yell he had seen how the world actually was and it was awful. It was obvious he was having a nervous breakdown and she was as worried as everyone else. But one thing dug deeper than any of his critcisms of her, he sounded like everyone else who was mean to her. Suddenly he pushed her, and everyone else away. Wendy's attitude swung from anger to worry before settling on desperation. |
| touch screen phones really suck. | |
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| Ama | Sep 2 2013, 07:15 Post #3 |
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Sharon's eyes fluttered open. She quickly sat up to be met with banging her head on a low ceiling. She groaned and rubbed her head. She took in her surroundings, a small enclosed room with an opening near the end. She carefully moved forward, looking for anything dangerous that could kill her. She had to survive; lord knows what would become of her family if she didn't. She crawled out on her hands and knees; a thin metal cord was around her neck, not tight but uncomfortable and unsettling. The chain it was attached to was rather long, long enough to escape the small room, but caution was still a big factor. There was a tape recorder near her, Sharon took a deep breath and pressed play, holding it to her ear. "Hello, Sharon. How's your head? It seems aches and frustration have become a more familiar companion to you than your own husband. As much as one person thinks they can carry the weight of a once romantic marriage that has now fizzled out, it's a two way street. You have a partner in this game as well, a man who is equally ungrateful in his marriage. Bitterness between a husband and wife can't be fixed with simple objects of romance, but you two must work together to find a key for the other to be freed, before you snap under your own weight. You have one hour, the clock is ticking. Good luck." Sharon looked down to see the lock around her neck was heart shaped and encrusted with sparkly jewels. A romantic necklace that bound her, cute. She poked her head out of the enclosement to see Stephen emerge from the other side, exact same device around his neck. He yanked and tugged at the metal cord around his neck. "Of all the stupid things they could put on me." "Stop that, if you struggle it will only make it worse." Sharon called across the way. "We have to get a grip on our surrounding if we are to both survive." Between the two was a large trench, held up by thin plywood over a long drop. If it collapsed with her or Stephen on it, they would be hung like a bastard at a gallows. The flimsy material was littered with objects of romance from a horror show, boxes of candy, stuffed animals and dead flowers all covered in blood. Sharon took in a deep breath of the nauseating site, hoping it was at least animal blood, but she wouldn't put it past the creators of this horrible place to slaughter past victims to recycle punishments. Sharon poked her toe on the middle, if she was careful she could figure out how to escape. Across the way, out of reach for either of them was a ladder leading to a lit up box of antidote, and a door to freedom. "Come on." Sharon hissed. "Help me find a key to unlock ourselves before we're both goners." Stephen slumped against the wall he was near. "Oh what's the point of it anyway?" If I died my family would be better off without me. I have a hundred thousand dollar life insurance plan. My wife would probably be happier and I wouldn't be around to see what a terrible screw up my son is turning out to be." "Oh stop being so selfish and think of me." Sharon said sharply, her voice rising." My family needs me and yours does too. I thought the point of this was to have us appreciate our lives and I seem to be the only one who wants out besides Kenny." Stephen covered his ears."Don't tell me what to do, Sharon. I am not your husband and you can't boss me around. I hear stories of your nagging him driving him to drink and act crazy. Maybe your family would be better off without you as well." Sharon took a deep breath, forcing herself to soften her tone if she had to reason with him. "Unhappiness and disillusionment with life is a natural process of getting older. We all have to suck it up and accept responsibility for at least our children's sake." "I don't know, maybe we're prolonging the inevitable. This cheap trap will collapse soon, maybe we should take our deaths head on instead of sugar coating it, partner." Stephen stepped out of his encolsement and jumped up and down on the plywood, making the bloody toys and hearts bounce up and down in a comically gruesome way. "Stop that right now!" Sharon shouted, quickly ducking back into her enclosure. "Men are such babies." Sharon reached for a toy elephant and ripped the head off it, surprisingly a key was in the middle. "Oh thank god." She yanked it out and eagerly jammed the key into the lock around her neck, it didn't loosen though. "See that's what you get." Stephen stopped jumping and moved closer to her. "That's obviously mine, I could get out of here in a flash and go back to my pathetic wife and son and leave you here to die and rot." "You are so selfish, don't you see? It was intended for the closest one to me to have your key. You can go off back to your terrible life and leave me behind like you would for your real wife. You never considered her feelings." "How do you think I feel with you hounding me in the five minutes we've been stuck with each other? You're lucky your husband is only a drunk and an idiot. I'd snap if I were married to you." "So this is the intention as well, to know how it feels to be married to the other to feel grateful." Sharon sighed. "Look I'm sorry; unlock yourself and try to find my key, please, trap husband." Sharon gave him a weak smile as she tossed him the key. Stephen caught it easily and unlocked the rope around his neck. He sat up and rubbed his hands together. "Alright, the key was closest to you to teach me a lesson, so logically the key should be furthest from me. You better get off the plywood, honey." Stephen smirked at her as he went for one of the toys in the middle. He went for a blood splattered teddy bear and tore it open, wiping his fingers on his pants before going though the stuffing. "Nothing I'll try another." "Time's running out. Toss a few to me, the faster we find it the better." Sharon said nervously. Stephen threw some of the toys closer to him, at Sharon as the two worked to find the key. Soon a pile of discarded soiled toys sat next to each. "Nothing." Stephen said, tossing the last toy into a pile of soiled fluff that had accumulated next to him. "Really? You didn't try looking again?" Sharon's voice cracked in fear. "You think I was never meant to have a key? That I'm the one who wanted to live but never had a chance." "Don't be silly, you were put here to nag me into helping myself. There has to be a way to get you free." Stephen's eyes flicked to the clock. "We still have five minutes, there has to be something." Stephen got up and rifling through the discarded romantic items, candy boxes were kicked open, dead flowers scattered and picked apart, the ripped apart animal fluff scrutinized. Nothing. "Maybe I can crawl back into the hole when the floor gives away until you can find help." Sharon suggested. "I can't die; I still have so much to do and so many people to take care of." Sharon buried her face in her hands and started silently weeping. Stephen went over and put a consoling hand on her shoulder, eyes going over the only thing left. "Well it's a shot in the dark." His hands plunged into the remaining solid object left on the weak floor, the disembodied hopefully belonging to a pig heart. It was tough, rotten meat and when his fingers weren't enough to work through it Stephen went at it with his teeth, suddenly his hands grasped around something small a metal. He yanked out a key. "Leave it to the woman to make a man rip his heart open for her." Stephen bent down to unlock Sharon as both quickly scrambled up the ladder towards the door, grabbing two bottles of antidote at the top. The floor creaked and groaned once again before fully breaking away, all the bloody valentine items disappearing down an abyss as both looked on. Sharon shuddered, trying not to think of just how close she had come, all thanks to assholish, selfish Stephen Stotch. "Oh thank you." Sharon's arms wrapped around his neck and her lips sunk in for a brief kiss. Stephen recoiled in disgust, shoving her off him. "What the hell was that?" Sharon's cheeks redden as she dried her tears and looked down the deep cavern. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me. It must be all this stress, I could've gone down that hole." "First of all you're totally unattractive, your breasts are too big, your waist is too small, your face is too feminine and you'd look better with even shorter hair. That's even more reminder of why I love my own wife so much." Stephen rolled his eyes as he pushed his way through the door. Her looks probably were gone after being trapped in this horror house for two days. Sharon opened her mouth to argue, but she shook her head and walked back through the door back into the main room. She had survived, but she'd have to tell Randy about all this later. |
| touch screen phones really suck. | |
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| Coyote Smith | Sep 2 2013, 14:18 Post #4 |
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I think that the chapters were good Ama, despite being a little cshort. |
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| Wensleydale | Sep 24 2013, 10:21 Post #5 |
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I think you guys should have collaborated on this fic from the start. Cartman's scene was hillarious, Kyle's kind of disappointing after the built-up suspence, Wendy's... well, the reflection was interesting, but after all this time the average reader kind of wants her to stop being such an emo... But Sharon and Stephen were really good, maybe John could have made the fic about the two of them from the beginning, like in the first film... |
| http://w11.zetaboards.com/SouthParkAargh/index/ | |
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| Ama | Sep 24 2013, 16:35 Post #6 |
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I only like cartmans part of the unpublished stuff. i liked Stephen and Sharon as wwell but i posted that but anything funnier i feel more proud of. Wendy couldve been epic if i had motivation to finish it. i know she's going to try and sit there and let the trap get her but the jigsaw killer wants her to put her hands in something that'll cut them to get the key. she has to deal with real pain to get over emotional pain (kinda like stan in former life of stan) i think some box was supposed to have glass and ship stuff with antidote. Wendy refuses but the glass walls suddenly have stans picture on them to torture her more proud then some other random scene. then kenny ends up going to rescue he but she's refusing. i couldnt figure out how but kenny makes it like he'll die if she doesn't get out, shes forced to get herself out of the trap and thy climb out of all this shattered glass and wendys cut and bleeding. kenny realizes shit is getting to extreme and uses the gun he got from johns script to shoot himself in front of Wendy to save them all. |
| touch screen phones really suck. | |
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| Coyote Smith | Sep 24 2013, 19:17 Post #7 |
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I wonder if Stan and Wendy would be together, since for what I remember, one of the last pools of john before he deleted most of his fics from FF.net was about them, and Stan and Wendy coming back together won by a large amount of votes. And yes, Wendy's part could have been fantastic. If you want I can help you. I know, it won't be too much, but is better than nothing. |
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| doingyourmom | Sep 24 2013, 20:47 Post #8 |
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Very well done Ama I loved it, this was very good and very well done, l liked the cartman and kyle scens and thought the cartman one was kind of funny. The best was the one with Sharon and Stephen I thought it was intense and very well done, them doing it for the children I am glad you included that because their kids should be important thing. I did like the Wendy thing, I though she had already gotten her antidote though, or was that scene done before, that was very good and played well into her depression. The scene you described with Kenny was epic sounding, so from what I can tell of this she survives, and lives, which is good because Red already got axed off, while you have to kill some people off, it would be to depressing plus someone ever bring back the seris, she would be to good to kill off, plus she can always have the guilt of surviving while Red did not. |
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| JVM | Sep 25 2013, 05:26 Post #9 |
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Self-Deprecation Here
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Part of the reason SPU fell apart was Ama wanted to be involved with this fic and I kinda shut her out. I'd collabed with her so many times I was kind of worried about being unable to continue without her, especially since we couldn't just AIM every single day, and it was often our moods to write didn't overlap.
This wasn't the ending for Kyle's plot. The ending of Kyle's plot is part of why Ama was shut out. And now I'm too embarrassed to divulge it. If I'd finished the fic on time you'd all know by now.
The original draft was based on the first movie and it blew balls.
Originally I was going to kind of softly reboot it with them making up but not dating again, but based on the poll I had to get them back together in full force and the way I ended up drafting for that to happen was pretty cheap and unsatisfying. Ama certainly didn't like it. |
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"This is how the world ends; not with a bang but a whimper" Pissing away my legacy, one glass of water at a time~ | |
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| Ama | Sep 26 2013, 05:23 Post #10 |
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all that couldve been with the epic suspense and horror and all people ask js about stendy. Blah. they asked about that as well in marsh family thanksgiving. john wanted Kyles big secret that his mom fucked Stan dad and he and Stan were half brothers. I thought that was stupid and lame for a secret but was trying to go along with it for finishing the storys sake. too late now. yeah john shouldve let me pitch ideas at least. he was worried he can't write on his own and back in the day when i was at the top of my game i usually had an idea when we didn't know what to do next in the fic. |
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2:31 PM Jul 11