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| Remaining Bits of You Won't Believe How It Ends! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 2 2013, 07:02 (486 Views) | |
| Ama | Sep 2 2013, 07:02 Post #1 |
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It was glaringly obvious from the start, everyone knew it but the named parties themselves. Even Kyle semi felt it, but here was actual solid proof. Kyle's stomach fluttered, then cramped again. When Stan got nervous he used to throw up, in similar situations things tended to head south for Kyle. He was in the police bathroom, washing his hands for the fourth time that day. Kyle pulled out the folder again, he'd probably get into trouble if he took it further than the police bathroom, but everyone had to know this already obvious truth. Photocopies were the solution. Kyle whistled a tune to himself that if the actual name of the song was mentioned it would forever be ruined for many many people. He passed by the interrorgation room, sneaking a side glance at the mainiac that was Sarah Valmer. Abuse victim or not she had no right to harm others. But Kyle saw her arms were still handcuffed behind her back. As terrible of a person she was, she should at least be a little bit confortable before the justice system decided what to do with her. Kyle grabbed a ring of keys hung next to the door, selecting the one for handcuffs. He carefully entered the sound proof interrogation booth. Kyle cleared his throat, trying to project an air of professinalism. "Hello, mam. I thought I'd unlock your arms and make you a little bit more comfortable. No funny buisness, agree?" After Sarah nodded, Kyle manuvered around her chair and unlocked the handcuffs. He slid them off and hooked one end on his belt, happy the silly outfits did actually have a point. Sarah's hands remained slumped at her sides. "Can I get you some water or a magazine perhaps?" Kyle asked. If she was occupied he could get back to his own interesting reading. Sarah rolled her shoulders and arched her back, possibly to get a little bit more comfortable. She looked up at him, her chin quivering a bit. "Tell me little boy, do you think I'm pretty?" Kyle looked her up and down. "I guess." Sarah looked down, a tear rolling down her cheek. "I wish I were pretty.." She trailed off. Kyle stepped back. "Huh?" Mitch Connor peeked out of the front window at the Cartman house, trying to take in the chaos outside. Liane could recall picking out those curtains on sale, and wondering if they were going to be ruined by the blood of a mainic holding her and her son hostage, could she get the exact same ones. Her little sunshine still seemed bored, she wished she could run up stairs and grab him his iPhone, or turn on the TV to entertain his little mind until they were rescued. His hands probably hurt from the ropes that bound him, her hands were starting to ache so it must be awful for him since his little hands were much pudgier. "It's okay poopikins. After we get through this I'll take you to the toy store and buy you whatever you want, and we can have a mother/son lunch after." She whispered sweetly. "That's all you're going to give me after this? There better be more but don't worry, mam. I'll think of what else you can do to make up for this, it's not like I have all the time in the world to think, asshole!" Cartman shouted at Mitch's turned back. "Sure, sweetie. Anything to put a smile on your face-" Liane started but was interrupted. "You two make me sick." Mitch barked, as he whipped around, expertly holding the gun on them. "I'm an excellet shot, due to years of military training and practice. But at this close of range it would be too easy to slaughter both of you. Hell the little tubby kid could kill his mother from this close. What about it kid?" "Fff sure, I'll do it right now." Cartman replied before his tone darkened. "But I'm not fat, I'm big boned." "Look at this kid, he's lived a pampered and spoiled life, the complete opposite of mine but he's turned out as twisted and heartless as I am. But I'm well aware of growing up fucked up due to spoiling. Come on into the basement, it's story time kids." Kyle had retunred to the interrogation room, a diet soda, a box of kleenex and a women's fashion magazine for Sarah, before he could leave her alone to go back to his research. She had creeped him out eariler, but he had to show basic kindness to her. "Are you comfortable, mam?" Tears kept running down Sarah's face. Kyle gently pushed the tissues closer to her. Suddenly her head snapped up, her eyes narrowed. "You probably can't tell how old I am, at least hope to god you can't." She said sharply. Kyle jumped, wishing he had grabbed a stun gun from the supply room. Just in case. "I didn't mean any offense." Sarah sniffed and reached for a tissue, but twisted it nervously in her hands. "I just had my fortith birthday, I had come into a bit of money from an anonymous person who said we were related. The instuctions were clear, it was to go to my son Jimmy, to enjoy a summer at cripple camp with a friend of his choice. There was a bit left over saying I could use for anything else I needed." "Go on." Kyle encouraged, taking a seat across from her. Maybe he could draw the confession he needed from her to solve the case. He was left behind from the action anyway. "It was too good to be true, the exact amout left over was enough for the face lift I've wanted for at least a year. Without my son to take care of for a summer, I set up an appointment immideatly at Tom's Rhinoplasty. I recall the waiting room, hearing the woman behind the counter tell the nurse about problems with her husband. I had been fighting with my own husband since my birthday, but I could feel my confidence shrink seeing this woman with similar problems having a smaller nose, plumper lips and a better body than mine." Kyle nodded, wondering if his deep amount of respect for his best friend prevented him from being the only one who didn't oogle his mom. But maybe both sense of morals were quickly dwindling. "So what happened after that?" "The nurse, Tammy called me into the back to see Dr. Tom and I blacked out after. I woke up in a warehouse with a reverse bear trap on me. I already told you that story." "Friday, April 30th. Yes mam." Kyle grabbed her diet coke, opening it and pushing it towards her. "But what happened after that? Can you tell me about the wareabouts of the secretay of Tom's Rhinoplasty?" Sarah slapped her hand down on the table, making Kyle recoil. "Secretary is a sexist word, it's receptionist or administraive assistant." "I'm sorry." Kyle said meekly, wondering if he had lost her on his slip up. Mitch kicked open the door to the basement of the Cartman home. Liane went down the stairs first, hands still tied behind her back. He held Eric by his restrained arms, gun pointed to the base of his skull. "Keep walking whore, all the way to the bottom. Cooperate or I'll blow this chunky little bastard's head off and cook the remains into chili for you to eat." "Goddamn." Cartman jeered. "You are the most unoriginal sociopath ever. You didn't even as my mam her favorite band. Mam, what's your favorite band?" Liane burst into tears. "Honey, please stop talking back to him. I don't want you hurt, Eric." "Mam, tell this asshole your favorite band right now!" "I always liked Def Leppard." Liane sobbed hysterically as she made it to the bottom of the stairs. "There, I did most of the work for you. You're welcome, Mitch." Mitch turned Eric to face him. Then he slapped him across the face with his gun before shoving him down the rest of the stairs. "You don't know what you've taken from me!" He roared. "Nothing can top sixteen dollars and twelve cents." Cartman laughed. "How about almost a million dollars, a house, a car, good credit, a clean criminal record, steady employment. My life, my entire life is ruined by you. You might as well have killed me, but I had to at least have one thing that was still mine. Until I got the diganosis of terminal colon cancer from the free clinic." Mitch scanned the surroundings of the basement, a pin board for various presntations Cartman had given, many folded chairs stacked against one wall, Christmas decorations, then something on the floor, a tarp layed flat over the top. Mitch grabbed a chair, opened it and sat Liane firmly on it. Then he curiously walked over and lifted the tarp to see a long hole with brick walls on the sides. "What the hell is this?" "Be careful." Liane called out. "My son used to play Lambs there before he grew more mature and got rid of his stuffed animals. I was so proud and scared of you that day muffin." "Stop coddiling the boy!" Mitch shouted. "This torture device you gave him in your own home isn't obvious enough. The cement work looks professional, I'd know from the various construction jobs I've lost thanks to him!" "Oh you better never let me find out what your favorite band is, I'm sure they'd love to ask you how your parents taste." "I never had a father and my mother's dead! You should be joining her soon!" Mitch grabbed Eric by his ear, twisted it and shoved him down the hole. "I'm sorryyyyyyy." Came a wail from the bottom of the pit. Five minutes of awkward silence had passed, Kyle refrained from tapping his fingers or twidding this thumbs as not to offend the unstable Sarah Valmer. She had a small smile on her face as she delicately took a sip of her soda. He sighed, wondering if he was wasting his time. "Can you at least give me some background on your connection to Mitch Connor?" "That's what I was trying to get at eariler. I said I hoped you couldn't guess my age." "And I didn't." "I was born in the late sixties and have spent lots of money to try and hide that fact. My mother, god rest her soul, she was a good person but irrisponsible as hell. I was the youngest of five children, the only girl. My brother who I was closest in age to was five years older than me. There was Christopher, Nicholas, Patrick and Mitchell, who was the oldest." "Mitch Connor?" Kyle asked, wondering how deep he should dig if he was about to be told Cartman's hand puppet was this chick's older brother. "Can you tell me more about Mitchell?" "My mother was irresponsible and all my siblings had the different fathers, the only thing linking us was the last name Connor and we all ended up with my mother's green eyes." "Actually father figures were kind of absent for all of us growing up. I was protected by my brothers but the one I never knew was Mitch. He was fifteen when I was born so he had shipped off to Vietnam before I was ever in kindergarten." |
| touch screen phones really suck. | |
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| JVM | Sep 26 2013, 07:53 Post #11 |
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Self-Deprecation Here
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...Well there you go, I guess, that was it. Now I remember why I never finished this piece of garbage. Edited by JVM, Sep 26 2013, 08:01.
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"This is how the world ends; not with a bang but a whimper" Pissing away my legacy, one glass of water at a time~ | |
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| doingyourmom | Sep 26 2013, 08:19 Post #12 |
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Administrator
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To be honest with you Saw and South park Ahha did not mix to well to be honest I think that is why people only cared about Stan and Wendy's relationship. LOL However I have seen much worse than this trust me, it is not your fault, mainly it was due to the story not being as good. It is better this story never happend. LOL |
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| JVM | Sep 26 2013, 08:36 Post #13 |
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Self-Deprecation Here
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If I ever returned to SPU, I'd probably just start rewriting it all over again. |
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"This is how the world ends; not with a bang but a whimper" Pissing away my legacy, one glass of water at a time~ | |
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| JVM | Sep 26 2013, 19:52 Post #14 |
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Self-Deprecation Here
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Since there's no chance or incentive for me - or anyone else - to finish the original version of this, here's the remainder outline, including ch4 for those who didn't get a chance to bleed their eyes on it: Ch4 - They find the main rooms in the Trap House, with Mr. Derp getting stuck in a room with a needle pit, a callback to Saw II. Kenny tries to get them to work together but Stephen Stotch challenges him, and while they argue Wendy is taken by a figure in a pig mask. Kenny makes a speech about death that nobody understands. Word reaches the Park County Police about the hostage situation at the Cartman residence, with Kyle, Butters, Barbrady and the Mayor staying behind. Cue a ridiculously shitty bit with the Mayor and Barbrady where he complains about not getting to do the serious police work, and the Mayor admits she doesbn't want him to die. Butters reappears with all the information from SOFA revealing Mrs. Valmer had been going up to Denver with her brother to buy suspicious items and have access to Carl's warehouse, but Kyle's missing. The Mayor's newer aide, Gary, turns a gun on them and is in on it. Kyle's missing because I'm retarded. Mitch Connor talks angirly on the phone, lecturing Gary about fucking up the whole plan. A bunch of really shitty obscure references and one of the lines I stupidly thought was clever as he puts the gun to Cartman's head at the window, hoping to keep the police away. Stephen and Sharon talk about their failing marriages after Red wanders off and dies in another Saw II trap. Stephen reveals he's not sexually attracted to his wife and he used to be a lot more laidback and only tightened his grip in hopes of making up for the lack of spark in the marriage. Sharon admits her and Randy are only still together for their kids and sex. Stephen insists Randy loves her but finally tealized he needs to end his marriage. Wendy and Kenny return, and Kenny hands off his antidote bottle before shooting himself to get help. Kenny wakes up in his house in time to see A Woman With A Suspicious Bulge in Her Pants recount the news about the Cartman hostage situation. Remembering his and Cartman's former friendship, he dons Mysterion and prepares to go into action when he returns into Karen. She asks if he can keep her brother safe and he promises her brother will be back whens he wakes up. After he rushes into action, his folks begin fighting about having seen him. At some point, a scene is added where Stephen and Sharon go through their own trap as Ama's posted, but we never really figured out how that fit in. [Ama's notes on Wendy's scene from a chat.] (12:55:29 AM) Ama: I know Wendy's in this pretty glass mirrored room (12:56:00 AM) Ama: and she's following the pattern if she just sits until the trap kills her (12:56:08 AM) Ama: I'm unsure if she says this but she's there for a while (12:56:16 AM) Ama: and the saw killer kinda says like (12:56:29 AM) Ama: if you're going to sit in your misery you should have company (12:56:44 AM) Ama: bam, the mirrors pop up with an old ass picture of when stan and wendy were a couple (12:57:13 AM) Ama: I know my idea was like (12:57:22 AM) Ama: Wendy has to get out of her trap for herseldf (12:57:30 AM) Ama: and she severly hurts, I think her hands (12:57:37 AM) Ama: for a scene at the end i had in mind (12:58:02 AM) Ama: but the thing is Wendy decides to beat the trap because she thinks Kenny's going to get killed by it (12:58:15 AM) Ama: and after they escape Kenny decides he has to get on the outside (12:58:29 AM) Ama: so he kills himself in front of her so she thinks she saved him and herself for nothing Ch5 - Stan enters the police station with his bottle of whiskey when Gary tries to add him to the hostages. Stan tries and fails to hurt him with the Jameson bottle, so Gary threatens to kill Butters, not that Stan cares. Just when it seems Butters is dead, Mrs. Valmer and Kyle have come to save the day, allowing Barbrady to arrest Gary and let everyone in on the Warehouse and the full conspiracy. Back at Cartman's House, Connor elaborates on his backstory with his sister - a lot of which wasn't finalized - and Mysterion sneaks in and manages to defeat Connor and free Cartman and his mom. The police arrest Connor and Kenny wires about what's happened in the warehouse. The boys are briefly reunited and all agree they'll miss Kyle but are happy for him. Friendship moments n' such. Finally, the wrap-up at Carl's Warehouse. The familys are reunited. Skeeter's crying and Clyde's sister takes possession of him. The Mayor offers Mrs. Valmer a pardon and/or reduced stentence for her heroism. Sharon and Randy's relationship is rekindled and they agree to really work at their marriage now. The Stotch family reunites happily until Stephen talks about a divorce. Wendy decides since she's proven herself independent she's finally proven she and Stan do belong together after all, and despite his initial protest, he pukes all over her, relationship resumes. Yardale, impressed by Kyle's heroism, offers him a full scholarship - and his dad a job - keeping the Broflovskis in South Park. This was all setting the stage for shitty Season 2 story arcs. I never came to a final decision on the last scene, but it was going to be the big reveal Ama mentioned above somehow. I wanted it to be subtle but never got behind one idea. |
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"This is how the world ends; not with a bang but a whimper" Pissing away my legacy, one glass of water at a time~ | |
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| doingyourmom | Sep 27 2013, 04:12 Post #15 |
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That sounded awsome ,I like what you did, and I love what you came up with for chapter 5 that was very good and very well done I like the sound of it, that is a very good chapter 5, if you ever put it up, I will check it out for sure, good ideas on that. |
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| Coyote Smith | Sep 27 2013, 10:15 Post #16 |
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Co Administrator
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Agreed with DYM ![]() If you some day in the future puts a new chapter I will be the first one to review(or at least try)
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| Rhi Rhi | Sep 27 2013, 12:31 Post #17 |
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I'm agreed with DYM and Coyote and also I'm will review it too. |
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| JVM | Sep 28 2013, 07:24 Post #18 |
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Self-Deprecation Here
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Appreciate the support, but as much as I've continued kicking ideas around, like I said earlier... you're more likely to see a whole new SPU than a continuation of YWBHIE. In fact, I probably wouldn't even rewrite YWBHIE by that point. |
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"This is how the world ends; not with a bang but a whimper" Pissing away my legacy, one glass of water at a time~ | |
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