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protect ichimatsu 2k16; since he won't do it himself!
Topic Started: Mar 21 2016, 07:28 PM (417 Views)
IchimatsuBoy
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[Karamatsu's had sort of a bad feeling for a while now, about where Ichimatsu might have gone. He never mentioned a job in specific, nor offered any address for visiting or anything, and he's a little bit harder to contact than his other brothers, so... he's been worried. Today, that feeling is only magnified. It's been two days or so since Ichimatsu's answered his text messages, and that's... actually unusual. He hasn't felt like Ichimatsu really liked him in years, but he'd at least kept up responding to Karamatsu's texts checking in on him. Maybe that was just to make sure he wouldn't be bothered by any more direct meddling...?]

[Whatever the reason, he hasn't answered now, and Karamatsu can't help but worry -- maybe he's worrying too much where he has no place to be, but still... So he's out looking tonight, making rounds at the nearby internet and manga cafes. It makes him feel a little guilty, that that's where he thinks his brother is living, but... It's just a feeling. He hopes he's wrong. It's not like anyone wants to tell him whether or not Ichimatsu's stayed there, and because they're all adults, saying he ran away from home doesn't really work to leverage information out of people...]

[It's been a couple hours of searching, and at this point he just sort of slumps against the wall outside of one, frustrated and trying hard not to cry, because that's not going to help him find his little brother by any means.]
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IchimatsuBoy
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Well, I can't blame you for that, either, but... A "no" isn't ever going to offend me, okay?

[Another smile as he sets the cup down on the table and places a pair of chopsticks next to it, gesturing for Ichimatsu to sit, and taking the seat across from him once he does. He fishes in his pocket to pull out his phone, too, to deliver on his promise of letting the rest of their family know that Ichimatsu is safe and sound.]

Um, well, I think... we both probably just want to talk about "us", I'm guessing... so anything else might feel pretty forced? But you're also going to be eating, so any sort of serious, emotional conversation might be... odd, haha... So it's up to you! I'm more than content with anything.
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KaramatsuBoy
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[Ichimatsu answers with a drawn out "mmmhm" -- not disingenuous, really, just... he doesn't find the reinforcement of that statement entirely necessary. But he knows Karamatsu must feel differently or he wouldn't have pressed that point, so he lets it go.]

[He takes a seat when the ramen is set on the table. It'll need another few minutes, to be sure everything's done and to cool, so... some kind of conversation, at least, would be nice. Better than sitting in silence. Sometimes he enjoys that -- might relish it more now that Karamatsu knows how he feels. But so soon after letting all of that out, he thinks it would just feel off.]

Telling me your schedule, like when you'll be home and all? That's... a little of both, right?
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IchimatsuBoy
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Oh, that's a good idea!! It's a regular, boring 9-5... Sometimes I have to stay a little later, but luckily our boss isn't the type who wants to linger, either... Most of my coworkers have families, too, so they don't often want to go out after work, I got really lucky! I try to leave the house at 8 to catch an 8:13 train, so I try to be up at 6:30, usually... Being a salaryman is really hard, Ichimatsu.

[At some point, he ended up whining, but he thinks his fellow NEET (because he's a NEET at heart, still) will understand.]

But I don't have any weekend obligations, of course. The job was enough...
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KaramatsuBoy
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[Ichimatsu mulls that over as he checks his ramen and idly stirs it a bit. That's a lot of alone time during the week if he doesn't do anything. But he should find something to do at some point, probably. He doesn't know if he could freeload here like he could at home with mom and dad.]

[He could take a little time to learn how to care of the place, learn to cook a meal for when Karamatsu gets home. Those seem like valuable things to know and contribute while still taking a bit of time to settle. He'll...have to figure out how long is appropriate.]

I'm proud of you, you know... for doing it even though it's hard.

[Staring determinedly into his noodles, more than anything. He's glad Karamatsu did better than he did, but he's also sort of ashamed.]

But I'm glad you have the weekend.
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IchimatsuBoy
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[Ahh, that definitely makes his cheeks go very red... He's not used to compliments, or someone being proud of him like that, and so it's pretty overwhelming, coming from Ichimatsu especially...]

It's no big deal, Choromatsu's working hard, too... and I mean, lots of people do it, obviously... Thank you, though...

[He looks up and smiles a little, sort of shy, and reaches to take one of Ichimatsu's hands for a brief moment, since he's not eating just yet.]

Me too. I'll be thrilled for the time with you, both then and every evening... I'll actually be excited to come home now!!

[A soft hand squeeze.]

Please don't look so sad. I'm not doing anything you're not capable of, too. But I don't want you to worry about that and feel guilty, okay? Please.
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KaramatsuBoy
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[There are a lot of emotions to process in this moment, not to mention over the course of the night. Ichimatsu thinks his brother deserved to hear that, but the same way Karamatsu isn't used to hearing something like that, he isn't used to saying it. That on top of his failure to do what his brother is brushing off from the start made it hard to say, so he wishes it wouldn't get downplayed, but...]

I'm...proud of him too, I guess, but I'm talking to you. And I can see where and how you're living and-- you got a better start than I did.

[He stops himself from going on to say he's glad they all seem to have done better than he did, because while that's true, it very easily leads down a road of self deprecation too. But he lets Karamatsu take his hand, and takes some comfort in that simple gesture.]

...Were you not before?

[That's a sad thought, honestly, and it pulls his gaze up from his noodles to his brother's face finally.]

I still do feel...kind of upset, though, that I made you worry and I-- I didn't do my best. But I will.
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IchimatsuBoy
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[That little bit of insistence to focus on Karamatsu and compliment him again makes his stomach flip -- it's... really nice, actually, to have Ichimatsu be that firm about being kind to him.]

Sorry. ... But I don't think you're being fair to yourself, still. I asked for help. I stayed with Chibita for a while, so that I could find something for myself... You didn't, Ichimatsu... You didn't tell anyone you were struggling. Sometimes we need help.

[He meets Ichimatsu's gaze with a firm frown, hoping this really sinks in for him, because he really is quite upset by the idea that Ichimatsu's being so hard on himself...]

Sometimes we can't do our best without other people's support. So the only thing you should be angry at yourself for is that. Okay?

[... He missed a question in there, though, not one he really wants to answer, but...]

This is the first time I've lived alone, I... didn't really like it. Coming home to a dark, empty, silent apartment wasn't really nice... I missed my family. Work was at least a distraction...
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KaramatsuBoy
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I know. I know, that's exactly what I'm talking about. I just need some time. To get past it, okay?

[He doesn't mean to make Karamatsu worry further, nor is he trying to make this about himself, but it doesn't feel like something to be gotten over quite so quickly. He understands his brother's concern too, and he too would rather they were both, just, happy... but he thinks he will be in time, at least.]

I'm going to let myself rely on you, like this now... I'm starting there.

[And he squeezes his brother's hand briefly there before letting go to finally start on his ramen.]

[When he gets his answer about Karamatsu not being relieved to come home, though, he wishes he hadn't let go.]

You can rely on me too, then. For company at least. For other things too, I hope, but...
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IchimatsuBoy
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Okay. I mean, I can't deny it's good to reflect... I just hate to see you upset with yourself, I'm sorry.

[He's not trying to infringe on his right to sort out his feelings or anything, nor does he want to be overbearing... Maybe he just has trouble trusting Ichimatsu in this sense, though -- trusting that he'd be gentle about how he rightfully kicks himself, not being too harsh.]

Good. And I know I can count on you, I'm not worried about that. I'm really sure we'll be fine. I mean, maybe I'm just... being hopeful, but I really do believe we'll make each other happy and live well together. We should get a cat, sometime soon.
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KaramatsuBoy
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[That hurts a little, maybe in something of a good way, even. He just...never thought in depth about how much attention Karamatsu truly paid to him, and cared. But he does hold that it's something he needs to think on on his own. And handling how he reflects on this stuff is something he needs to work on too, so all the more reason.]

I guess maybe that's natural... but I think I have to do some thinking on my own too.

[He knows it all only comes from concern -- from caring too much, being a better brother than most of them deserve on a lot of occasions. But he does need Karamatsu to realize he can't just fix everything conveniently with words like that either, as nice as it would be.]

We'll do our best, I can promise that much...

[He doesn't get much further before he wants to cry again, all thanks to his brother's pet suggestion. It's a happy kind of crying! But nonetheless, something about that solidified how much Karamatsu means this, how permanent it is, and he's overwhelmed and happy and relieved and -- in love, really in love.]
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