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student/teacher; more ichikara make outs, no surprise
Topic Started: Apr 23 2016, 07:37 PM (148 Views)
KaramatsuBoy
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[It's been more than a little obvious one of Ichimatsu's students likes him. That is... if he isn't misreading the signs, because he's awful, frankly, and likes that student too.]

[All that considered, he doesn't know why he's agreed to a private study, then. Much less outside of normal office hours. Out of office, in fact, and in his home. It's not the first time he's agreed to help Karamatsu one on one, but... the location is a first, and all he can claim is that it wasn't his idea. He did agree to it, though, for some reason.]

[He's not sure what he should have ready or where, so he's gone with the safest place he can imagine. There's a chair set up on either side of his small kitchen table, some snacks set out as well. And now there's nothing but to pace nervously and wait.]
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KaramatsuBoy
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[Ichimatsu is taking all of this with a grain of salt, not above admitting maybe he's seeing things the way he is because of how he feels. But the more he looks at it, the more this goes on, the more it adds up. And he shouldn't do anything with that, but...]

Mm, a lot of it is memorization. There are enough irregular verbs... but you seem to know those ones well enough. Yes, though, I--

[So much for avoiding all this with the notebook.]

--can check.

[Even though he's suspicious of what they'll say, especially given Karamatsu's example verb choices. Nonetheless, he looks at the notebook he was given.]
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IchimatsuBoy
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[True to his suspicions, most of them are a little bit... suggestive; not anything above PG, but some still mention kissing, and, coincidentally, both people are referred to as "he"! Hmm!]

Haha, well, you know. I practice the ones that are most relevant to me, of course.

[About wanting to kiss another guy, yeah. Very relevant.]

[He slides a little closer, resting his head on Ichimatsu's shoulder and pulling out his phone to lazily scroll some LINE chats with his friends while Ichimatsu reads, just happy to be close to him, but... definitely trying to see if his brother will get embarrassed or flustered or anything at all, yeah.]
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KaramatsuBoy
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[Ichimatsu is trying not to have a visible reaction to what he's reading, but with Karamatsu's comment, he really can't be sure his eye or mouth or something hasn't twitched in response.]

So I s--

[Just how much more blatant can Karamatsu be, at this point? Surely other people taught by their relatives have more restraint than this. This studying is a pretense, it has to be. They're not going to get any work done if he keeps up like this, and he must know it too.]

...Are you this friendly with all your teachers?

[A silly question, given they're brothers also, but all he can think to say.]
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IchimatsuBoy
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No, just you.

[That's a very firm answer, and he's not abashed to give it, either. ... He likely should be, and maybe exercise a little more caution in admitting it, but... too late. Surely he can always fall back on the sibling excuse, yeah...]

Is it bothering you?

[And that's a very loaded question, one he almost feels guilty to ask. If Ichimatsu has any interest in him at all, the answer should be a resounding "yes" given... all the ways this is morally not so great, but... he'd want to say "no", right? That's what Karamatsu is hoping for, anyway...]
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KaramatsuBoy
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[Ichimatsu is further and further convinced answers like that aren't about being siblings, but he's open to being proven wrong about that. It's a conflicting feeling.]

[...Which makes answering that question extremely difficult. In some ways, it feels like a trap, actually. If he says no, Karamatsu will carry on with it, and he'll be forced to endure. Not to mention he'll have to wonder if that implication secretly crushed him at all, though if it did, it'd be for the best. If he says yes, he gives himself away.]

[He opts for something of a cop out answer, though maybe it's still giving him away some.]

It... feels inappropriate. In this context.

[Inappropriate in such a way that acting familial wouldn't be the expected conduct between student and teacher. And that dating your teacher would be looked down on, as would dating your brother. And all of the above. God, he's such a mess.]
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IchimatsuBoy
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[Well... it is pretty inappropriate, he's not going to pretend otherwise, exactly, but...]

Are you upset about that, or worried about other people being upset?

[That's pretty direct, and hard to evade now, but it also probably gives Karamatsu away entirely. If he didn't have an investment in this sort of contact, he wouldn't need to keep asking, he wouldn't need to know whether it bothers Ichimatsu himself or not. ... But he did ask, so, surely Ichimatsu can figure out why.]
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KaramatsuBoy
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I'm upset that I have to be worried about other people being upset, and that I'm the only one who seems to care!

[There's a revealing little outburst he can't take back.]

[He pretty immediately has his head in his hands, because he has no consolation in this moment. He wants Karamatsu's interest to be reprieve from these worries, but it's just lead to the crumbling of his resistance. What kind of teacher, what kind of older brother fails someone they care about this much? This isn't the example he set out to be. Not that he ever entirely feels like he was.]
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IchimatsuBoy
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You're not.

[But it's clear that he's causing his brother more grief than anything else right now, so Karamatsu straightens up to give him a little space, scooting further away on the couch.]

I worry, too. I don't want you to lose your job. I don't want either of us to get in trouble with the rest of our family, either. But it's not like I'm just messing around, nii-san... You have an apartment, now, I just thought -- it'd be... easier.

[He goes quiet for a long moment.]

I'm sorry.

[And an even longer pause goes by before he speaks again, sounding kind of choked up.]

I'm really in love with you though, Ichimatsu-niisan.
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KaramatsuBoy
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[There are just too many consequences Ichimatsu can imagine; there are the obvious ones, the legal ones where he faces punishment and loses his job. But there are the social repercussions as well, where he's looked at funny for what he feels. It's not all about him either, though, he worries what other kids would think, how they would treat Karamatsu. He's not naturally very optimistic, so those mental scenarios aren't going well. He feels sick thinking about what this could do to either of them, but especially his dear little brother.]

[He's silent for a while, doesn't know what to say. All he knows is hearing that Karamatsu is in love with him breaks his heart, and that feels like the wrong reaction to hearing that from someone he feels the same way about. He doesn't want to hurt his brother, and the most immediate way to avoid that is to be quite rash -- to suddenly lean over and kiss his student, his brother! Despite his better judgement, despite long term consequences.]
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IchimatsuBoy
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[It feels so absurd to wish his feelings were unrequited, but he... sort of does, truthfully, just so he could absolve Ichimatsu of all that guilt, all that concern. He kissed him, though. Ichimatsu really kissed him, and it certainly doesn't seem like it's just out of pity, given everything else, and that still makes him feel a little happy, at least. He presses his lips back to his brother's, at least letting himself enjoy that, enjoy what he's dreamed about for years.]

It's okay.

[That's said very softly, as Karamatsu steals one of Ichimatsu's hands to squeeze tightly, presses his forehead to Ichimatsu's with a tiny smile.]

It's okay. I can live with just that, you know. I could wait, I'm sure, until after I graduate, or even just be satisfied with this. You kissed me. That's enough, really. It's okay.
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