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all of it; multipart in-the-works poem
Topic Started: Nov 27 2011, 10:27 AM (2,222 Views)
suzannahhh
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all of it

1]
now.*slips away.*and it is now.
again. but not the same
now***and now*****and*****now

in each now***the things
*of substance
small and large
**too small to be seen
**too large to be seen
*and the seeable
some are here
more are there

too near to be seen
too far to be seen

or near enough
but I am not looking
in that direction
right now

there**there are things
I have no name for
there**there are things I have no
*suspicions about**because
I am unaware
there are so many things
right now
that I cannot think of them all
not this now***nor any now yet
**to come

now I am thinking about
**all the things I don’t know about

there are many things I do not know
*the names of
things***never held or beheld

still***I am thinking about them
I can think about all the unknowns
in this very now

in the collective abstract
they make a massive thought

I am thinking now
about the massive thought
which is a thing****which
**is a thing I name
this thought**about what I cannot
think about**because I do not know**the things
I do not know the names of the things I do not know

this thought is a massive heavy fog of thought

and now I have strayed
now I have metaphoress’d
from bare runes into weather bloom

fog attenuates**light quickens upon
*****bare thought***wind danced
puts forth buds**leaves**flowers
now a massive forest
and I do not know the names
**of trees or underbrush
I do not know
**what scurries**stalks
**what**slithers**creeps
**what flies
here in the massive thought
*of what I do not know
*of what I do not know the names of


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oneofmurphysbiscuits
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i scribbled a piece of contingency/love thing today from yesterday , so this makes me smile, {{{{{sUZ}}}}}}
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suzannahhh
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oneofmurphysbiscuits
Nov 28 2011, 01:41 PM
i scribbled a piece of contingency/love thing today from yesterday , so this makes me smile, {{{{{sUZ}}}}}}
whew glad to see that smile {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{SHARON}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I thought maybe no one was saying anything
because they thought it was awful

certainly it sembles a poet
off her usual playground. . .

and since that's how it is
that's what I'm going with

one never knows
in what places all those trails
in the forest
might come to a end
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oneofmurphysbiscuits
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i've had distractions and pain, Suz, else i'd have posted before, i might have suggested (some) changes, but it makes me smile because of what it points to as to our comittments and kinds of engagement
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Thomas Hounds
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I can't give this the attention it deserves this week. Perhaps I'll be able to get to it this weekend.
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suzannahhh
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Thomas Hounds
Nov 28 2011, 02:33 PM
I can't give this the attention it deserves this week. Perhaps I'll be able to get to it this weekend.
no problem Jake
meanwhile
I've been working on the next section
and I'll probably put it up soon
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orlando
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the title of the thread meant I didn't look at this yesterday, thought it might be a huge work in progress that I did not have time to read. Read it now, fast, and it flowed, but need to let it sink in and reread slowly.
Edited by orlando, Nov 28 2011, 03:13 PM.
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suzannahhh
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*LAUGHING*

well it might be a huge work in progress!
it wouldn't be my first
or only

at various times in my life
I have been called
the Queen of Unfinished Projects
(I always counted my sons as 2)

so it is no surprise
that I have a number of literary
unfinished projects

I'll be happy to know what you and Jake think
since this is not usual suzannish poetry

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Thomas Hounds
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suzannahhh
Nov 27 2011, 10:27 AM
all of it

1]
now.*slips away.*and it is now.
again. but not the same
now***and now*****and*****now

in each now***the things
*of substance
small and large
**too small to be seen
**too large to be seen
*and the seeable
some are here
more are there

too near to be seen
too far to be seen

or near enough
but I am not looking
in that direction
right now

there**there are things
I have no name for
there**there are things I have no
*suspicions about**because
I am unaware
there are so many things
right now
that I cannot think of them all
not this now***nor any now yet
**to come

now I am thinking about
**all the things I don’t know about

there are many things I do not know
*the names of
things***never held or beheld

still***I am thinking about them
I can think about all the unknowns
in this very now

in the collective abstract
they make a massive thought

I am thinking now
about the massive thought
which is a thing****which
**is a thing I name
this thought**about what I cannot
think about**because I do not know**the things
I do not know the names of the things I do not know

this thought is a massive heavy fog of thought

and now I have strayed
now I have metaphoress’d
from bare runes into weather bloom

fog attenuates**light quickens upon
*****bare thought***wind danced
puts forth buds**leaves**flowers
now a massive forest
and I do not know the names
**of trees or underbrush
I do not know
**what scurries**stalks
**what**slithers**creeps
**what flies
here in the massive thought
*of what I do not know
*of what I do not know the names of


Hmm. I love the first stanza and the last stanza. I feel like what falls in between those two excellent start and end pieces varies between good and superfluous. I'd suggest a careful look at cutting back at those middle stanzas, and letting even more pressure fall on the starting and ending stanzas which can handle it and even be strengthened by it. I'd say more, but I want to know where this is going first. It has the potential to turn into an Elliot-esque project. Reminds me of him in fact.

Quote:
 
Or say that the end precedes the beginning,
And the end and the beginning were always there
Before the beginning and after the end.
And all is always now. Words strain,
Crack and sometimes break, under the burden,
Under the tension, slip, slide, perish,
Decay with imprecision, will not stay in place,
Will not stay still. Shrieking voices
Scolding, mocking, or merely chattering,
Always assail them. The word in the desert
Is most attacked by voices of temptation,
The crying shadow in the funeral dance,
The loud lament of the disconsolate chimera.
-From Burnt Norton, “Four Quartets”


I think you need to pack more into the middle, I'm merely suggestion condensing as a method of doing so. But I want to see more so I can be of more intelligible help to the whole project.

I got to this early because of unusually good time management on my part today and the heavy likelihood of snow tomorrow. :)
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suzannahhh
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thanks for your thoughts, Jake

I've been rereading and rereading it
as I continue writing

not sure whether I'll remove anything or not
depending on where it goes

I think there is a certain drill of intensity
the repetitions produce and I wouldn't want that
not to be there
Edited by suzannahhh, Nov 29 2011, 03:44 AM.
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Thomas Hounds
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Even a little too much repitition can dull the sharpness of that intensity though. Which is what I meant. I want to see where this goes, and perhaps then I slap my hand down and say do this in particular.
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oneofmurphysbiscuits
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what?
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oneofmurphysbiscuits
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johnny get carly simon and be quick about it!
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Thomas Hounds
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What does Carly Simon have to do with anything?

And that didn't quite come out right, what I wrote earlier, Suz. I meant, when I see more I can slap my hand down and say, "Okay, I think this works better and this and that don't quite work for me." That sort of thing. Right now any advice I give is a bit incomplete and not as helpful as I'd like to be.
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orlando
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I like it very much Suzannahhh. It has a feel of a meditation, I hesitate to say prayer, at times yet at others just a wonderful simplicity of a drifting and at other times I almost wondered if it could be read for children almost as a nursery rhyme. I also like the switch from the abstract to the more (still unknown) specific and the word metaphoress'd. I have sometimes wondered if I do not know more about nature almost deliberately so i can walk around experienvcing it without the weight of identifying it in certain ways, and this captures that (for me). On first reading its pared downess of language made me think of Beckett or Pinter, but that's not so much there on second reading, just very enjoyable. Good luck with more.
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suzannahhh
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TonyH
Nov 30 2011, 05:27 AM
I like it very much Suzannahhh. It has a feel of a meditation, I hesitate to say prayer, at times yet at others just a wonderful simplicity of a drifting and at other times I almost wondered if it could be read for children almost as a nursery rhyme. I also like the switch from the abstract to the more (still unknown) specific and the word metaphoress'd. I have sometimes wondered if I do not know more about nature almost deliberately so i can walk around experienvcing it without the weight of identifying it in certain ways, and this captures that (for me). On first reading its pared downess of language made me think of Beckett or Pinter, but that's not so much there on second reading, just very enjoyable. Good luck with more.
thank you so much Tony
I think you've got at what I was trying to get at!

you said:
I have sometimes wondered if I do not know more about nature almost deliberately so i can walk around experienvcing it without the weight of identifying it in certain ways,

as someone who has a heap of field guides
and makes it a point to know what grows and roams
it enhances my experiencing opf the wonder of
how it is

when I'm driving down a road
I can call out greetings to things
by their names

trees and roadside plants
hello [and good-bye] elm
hello [and good-bye] meadow rue
it always adds to my pleasure on a road trip

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orlando
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I only know a little and that's why I wondered if I had done it deliberately so I walk around without 'knowing' -- but I am trying to remedy my ignorance with field guides these days.
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suzannahhh
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I've had a love affair
with field guides since I was about 7
in growing weather
I use them daily
(since moving here to the Land Time Forgot
the mushroom guides have received the most attention)

I'll be entering part 2
separate from the up top beginning
since these are tending to be longer

currently writing on 3]
Edited by suzannahhh, Nov 30 2011, 07:59 AM.
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suzannahhh
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2]

not the now that was
now **a new
*it has no past
*it has no future

and yet
there is a remainder
of the now that was
that particular now
**of above
***and many others

I write I
as I am a thought***I am having
my interior eye sees**a tapestry needle
large eyed**it needles
the I who views
the scene of my thought

enthusiasm fills my now
with all these**ayes

and in the multitude of emptys
**are all the things
***I do not know
*wedged and planted
**flowed between
the multitude of filleds

this is all so***not me

not accurate.**this is
me now***almost naked
**of primary enthusiasms

this now is***here overcast
**windless***without
*****precipitation
*a chill has slowed the molecules
*the electons quantum*****leap***less often

now***we warm bloodeds
*within our closed systems
*stoke*****our furnaces

there***where you are
in a different part of now
your day’s temperament
could be close to***like mine
or different
or totally unimaginable to me
or it could be

**two blue suns and three purple moons
**glistering in a gluey green sky
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orlando
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Hi Suzannahhh, I'm still thinking about this one - it feels a bit knottier than the other, but of a piece of course - I've read it once and will digest and reread. I like the ending. Oh and I love the tapestry needle.
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