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| I accidentlly a Creepypasta | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 30 2012, 12:51 AM (1,346 Views) | |
| Maggot | Aug 2 2012, 04:14 AM Post #26 |
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Who's a good boy? Not you! ◕‿‿◕
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Kman's asking for improvement, and he's proved to me he's quite the mature guy. I don't think he'd throw a bitch fit! :D As for another thing I'd like to ask, are you going for a realistic story? Or a semi-fictional one? Two things I'd suggest if you were going for one sealed in reality is, one, the use of chloroform or if neccessary, tranquiliser, 'cause of the brain damage thing I mentioned earlier. The second is cutting out the "I'm writing this in my own blood" sentence near the end, and instead adding onto his last words with a police report saying that the last entry was written in his own blood, found nearby the dead body of the woman. I don't think that really fit in well, and drew the reader out of the reality of the situation. |
Secret Nazi Maggot: I do not move out of the way.
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| Kman | Aug 2 2012, 04:52 AM Post #27 |
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Totally not ugly.
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I was actually thinking about having him write it out of his own blood, but I ended up scrapping the idea cause I wasn't sure if it'd come off tacky or not :L looking back on it now though chloroform probably would have worked much better actually. I wasn't going for a totally realistic story (most vents are no where near large enough to fit a full grown man in them) but I did try to keep it grounded in reality for the most part as I said. Unfortunately, it kind of flopped on /r/nosleep, but I did also submit it to creepypasta.com so if they end up posting it there (the admins actually filter through the stories there, instead of just letting anyone post anything) it might get a little more attention. |
| I build shit. | |
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| Hurl | Jan 13 2013, 03:55 PM Post #28 |
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Hi. I made a short horror story. I am not a nativ english speaking person, so please tell me, if anything sounds weird or is missspelled. And please tell me if you enjoyed it. Would be great. |
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| Evie | Jan 13 2013, 07:48 PM Post #29 |
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Evie
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that was a very well written story! whenever i read creepypasta's I dont really get scared, but your story triggered some emotion from me. one thing though, where was he hiding after he made the shrine for her? It would be cool if he murdered her neighbors and put holes in the walls in inconspicuous spots to watch her. a little cliche, but i really wanted to know where he was at after she had the police in. |
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gets you right behind the old ballpoint | |
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