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| The Hunt is open | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 12 2010, 05:11 PM (342 Views) | |
| benbelgam | Mar 12 2010, 05:11 PM Post #1 |
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Baconnaise
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By the time I lit my third cigarette of the morning, a plan had begun to take shape in my mind. It was a plan so cunning, and complicated, that it surprised even myself. And all that after just three cigarettes. Obviously, I was so overcome with excitement that I had to light another cigarette. While the smooth, soothing flavour of tobacco smoke filled my lungs, I decided that my plan was definitely good enough for me to get out of bed. And I did just that. I opened a can of beer, and took some old sheets out of my closet. Then I went to the basement, to find myself some black paint, and a paintbrush. Once I found everything, I started painting a banner, that read: "Chicken wing BBQ. LOADS of chicken!". I placed the banner above my front door, for everyone to see. Next, I called some friends, and asked if they wanted to come to my chicken wing barbecue tonight. Most thought it was a bit odd that I would only be serving chicken wings, but in the end, three people decided they would be coming. After I went to the butcher to buy chicken wings, I drank some beer and smoked a few packs of cigarettes, waiting for the evening to come. The barbecue turned out to be more of a success than what I had hoped for. My guests were slowly getting drunk, and didn't show any signs of wanting to leave in the coming hours. Not feeling like coming up with an excuse to chase them away, I went to the bathroom to find me some laxatives. I mixed the laxatives into a bottle of wine, and served the "chateaux derrière" to my guests. I think it's needless to say that my barbecue ended quickly after that. About half an hour later, while I was polishing my axe, I heard some rattling in the bushes in my backyard. A large grin came to my face, and I polished my axe with even more devotion than before. My plan had almost surely succeeded. With the axe in my right hand, I snook to the back door, which I had left open. I made sure not to make a noise, as I cautiously approached the bush that had been rattling. I jumped forward, pulled the bushes apart, and raised my axe. I had successfully trapped a nigga that was looking for left-over chicken wings. The white color of his widely opened eyes contrasted heavily with the black of his skin. "No sir! Please sir! Please don't kill me!" He started crying. I gave my axe a mighty swing, and cut off the stem of the bush my victim was hiding behind. The guy ran like hell, after I had just missed his foot by an inch or so. Later, when I got ready for bed, I knew I would sleep well that night. I had successfully proven to my nigga William that he too could run like Jesse Owens. ^_^ |
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| benbelgam | Mar 29 2010, 05:04 PM Post #2 |
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Baconnaise
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It had taken him five days. Five long, boring, stinking, bloody days. But in the end, he did realise that I never tried to kill him, I just showed him that he could run very well. Obviously, now that I had proven my point, William had to honor his side of the bet. He now had to partake in the Niggalympics. I assured him that he wouldn't actually have to limp, like so many of his brethren take pride in doing, but instead he would have to run very fast to win the damn thing. So, I went to the dog tracks to rent the place for the evening. I replaced their mechanical bunny with a watermelon, and there it was, the very first Niggalympics were ready to start. William ran like hell, and actually won the competition. "Yeah man, black and white!", he shouted, "We make such a good team, man!" Did I hear that correctly? Did he say we're a team? Someone was reading way to much into this, and it wasn't me. So I went over to the KKK guy that I had placed at the starting line, and took his gun. Then I shot William. That's right, this hunter works alone. |
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| MrJFritzl | Nov 27 2010, 01:36 PM Post #3 |
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N00B
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Bravo. |
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| shortlivedglory | Feb 23 2011, 04:23 PM Post #4 |
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Weegee
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I vomit into your eyes! ... you don't like it. |
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12:54 PM Jul 11