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The Crusade of Nothing In Particular; No charater sheet required. Join in wherever you will.
Topic Started: Mar 17 2010, 04:01 PM (354 Views)
Rabid Parrots
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*Cyborg Lincoln's capital ship exits hyperspace*

"Avast, ye scurvy swabs!" shouts Pirate Pete as he reminisces of the good ole days when people actually knew what that phrase meant. It's been a long time since he was unfrozen by the octopus legion, but he still hasn't quite adjusted to future life. He lets out a quiet sigh of regret and returns to his humble duty of cleaning Lincoln's many aquariums. That man's love of fish is really starting to creep Pete out. It's not even like he's collecting different ones. They're all goldfish. Either way, Pete dared not say anything to Lincoln about it, not after what he did to Private Booth when he looked up his family tree on one of those ancestry websites. Oh no, he wasn't even going to go there.

*Alarms sound*

"SHIPS SPOTTED!" shouts Grog The Terrible over intercom in his squeaky hamster voice. Pete opens the blinds and sure enough, their path has been blocked by a fleet of heavily-armed cruisers. The markings suggest they are full of PETA protesters. It appears word has gotten out about what Lincoln has stashed in his cargo hold...
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Rant
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El Magnifico
The ship screeched to a halt as the voyage was interrupted. They knew not if they would make it as the PETA protestors started to list a monstrosity of pointless characters that would have little point in the plot. THese souls though, were not on the ship. The recently deceased were: King Alfonso V of Aragon, Giorgio Vasari, Jan Dymitr Solikowski, John Hayward, Date Masamune, Eleonore Gonzaga, Roger Twysden, Guillaume Amfrye de Chaulieu, Mentewab, Wenzel Anton Graf Kaunitz, Philippe de Noailles, Anne d'Arpajon, comtesse de Noailles, Johann Gottfried Eichhorn, James Smithson, Sophie Germain, Hyrum Smith, Joseph Smith, Jr. (founder of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), John Berryman, Elizabeth Cabot Agassiz, and George Bonnor.
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El Magnifico
"Why did they want these people?" pondered the old cyborg. "They are long gone and tore from the intergalactic graveyard millennia ago by Skrogflakk the Reducer who used them for what he listed as 'Personal Use'".
It was a trap.
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Rabid Parrots
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"Weapons at maximum!" shouted the former president "Get us out of here!" As soon as the ship moved an inch, PETA opened fire. Thousands of tofu-powered lasers rained down from the space heavens. They certainly weren't as potent as the grade A sirloin lasers aboard Lincoln's vessel, but they had numbers on their side. "Fire!" commanded Abraham, and The Gettysburg unleashed a barrage of beefy goodness upon the protesters. Their hulls couldn't digest Lincoln's massive firepower and PETA fled with the ponytails of their ships wafting in the space breeze.

Though in shambles, Lincoln's spaceship was still spaceworthy and in space, so they set off to dock at their destination, a planet by the name of Archibald 4 which was conveniently only a short distance from the battlefield. "Phew!" says Pete, but it was a bit early for that as an alien voice rang out over the loudspeaker, "Random cargo inspection! Open your hatch!".
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Cookiemonster
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Extension Cord
"I hope to god she's talking about the ship!" Cyborg Lincoln remarked to noone in particular. "I can't even remember why we're in this part of space, they must be using some kind of glippidy-gloop memory machine."

"No sir, the writers just got lazy." squeaked Grog The Terrible, who Lincoln was beginning to suspect was probably Boo the space hamster in disguise.

With the ship heavily damaged, the intruders were able to easily teleport inside. Lincoln reached for his 500 pound top-hat and prepared to throw it like a cheesy Bond villain, but checked himself as his eyes gazed upon a latex-clad female in a leather mask and fishnet stockings. Sexiness ensued.
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